Blagthorpe, Yorkshire, England 1886. Finest pit int'solid world.

life history were hard back then

I were standing by fire in pit read/write head federal agency watching our eldest Lucy shovelling coal into railroad track black Maria, as fast as any man. By eck, I thought, what a lass, and that's when I had a notion.

I'm Joseph Henry Blagthorpe, They calls me Lord Blagthorpe, or that bastard Blagthorpe. I own pit and village of Blagthorpe as it happens, I has a report you see.

I married a widdow, Elsie Sugden. Her had a kid already, Lucy. I says hook up with, we never wasted brass on church or nothing. Every bit of brass went into business.

Useless squawk she were and all. sevener bloody giirls her popped before her cried plenty and went to slumber in spare room, well one of em, I had twelve bedrooms at last count.

I went outside to suffer a word of honor,"Eee young girl thee's fit."I says to our Lucy.

"What's this chatting up thee daughter, he'll be in thee knickers next,"cocker spaniel Drayton joked.

"release it Cocker,"I says,"I means she's firm as any bloke,"I says.

"wellspring don't go geting any ideas,"Lucy snapped,"I told thee I'll not cook and clean for thee, nor go down pit, I'd rather go down whore house."

"Look here, thee'd frighten blokes pudding head, now if thee's got any good sense thee's sell the honour to gamy bidder."I suggested.

"And how much would you put up ?"she asked.

"pentad bob,"I laughed.

"Done, I'll tell our mam."she grinned and went back to shovelling. She must take been hot as she had her shirt undone and thee could see her whatsits swinging as she shovelled.

I got home after dark. board was set. Tea was cold as always. Elsie was fucking pitiful as always.

"For half a bloody crown I'd send the lot of thee to workhouse,"I joked to brighten mood.

"For half a crown I'd bloody go,"Elsie said moodily.

"Mam our Dad offered five bob for me honour,"Lucy blurted out as she washed the coal junk off her spell stripped to the shank by kitchen sink.

"Some bloody hopes it must be long gone,"Elsie snapped.

"No, no bugger's had me our mam, ent no one as I fancy,"Lucy said,"Except Daddy."

"Now hang on I were jesting,"I said,"Thee's me daughter."

"So why am I working in pit not at some poncy finishing school or some such ?"Lucy asked.

"I don't want thee cavorting with toff, I wants thee,"I said,"I wants thee close at hand so I can depend after thee."

"So no other sodomist has me,"she challenged,"You want's me for thee own, for thee whore !"

She stood there, whatsits hanging out, the teats all stood up, face and tomentum all Negroid, and it hit me."I reckon thee's right."I said. I had a think,"Thee's old enough, there ‘ ent nowt but courtesy for keeping thee around as thee ent mine so there ‘ ent no reason we shouldn't is there."

"I'd snatch up thee little peter in half,"she challenged wi'her center ablaze.

"Go and fuck the short bitch,"Elsie said,"Then chuck her out unthankful mare."

I found a golden guinea,"Here thee are then,"I says as I handed it to her,"Get thee kit off."

"I suppose you want's change ?"she said.

"Nah keep it,"I said. Our Elsie near fainted, she were so shocked by me generosity.

"Da,"Lucy says,"Can we go somewhere more buck private ?"

"Nay, bugger it, me saps up,"I says,"Bend over hold over our Lucy I'll trailer thee from behind."

Our Elsie made a outer space and Lucy dropped her Isle of Man breeches what she wore and bent-grass over table.

Her woman 's part was all pink and moist and me tadger was straining fit to burst so I had me belt undone and me kecks round me ankles afore you could say"Ee Bah Gum."

It were golden he were straining as her thingy put up a fight as I went to poke her, I had to hang on to her whatsits to get a bit of purchase like, but all of a sudden it gev way and I were bollock deep inside her undergarment. Her moaned all fulfill like as I poked away at her.

It was bally champion, her seemed to enjoy it as well. I enjoyed me self like I hadn't for bloody years. In the end when I shot me bolt I were bally knackered.

I sat down. Our Elsie pushed me tea in front of me. It were cold, bloody uneatable like. I flung it at her,"Am off down bloody chippy, you coming our Lucy ?"

"What about us ?"Elsie whined.

"Thee made blinking muck, thee can bloody eat ont,"I told her.

Our Lucy pulld her breeches up and that and off we went.

They were shocked to see I down Chippy, They let us go first in waiting line on account of none of ‘ em wanted the sack.

"Two haddock and a bag o'chips,"I says,"And what ever thee's having,"I gestured towards our Lucy.

"I'll have a meat pie,"Lucy says,"The big un, what kind of center is it."

"Horse,"Chippy said,"Thee Faither lets us give birth pit jigger cheap when they're knackered."

"Lord Blagthorpe to thee, any route round she ‘ ent me daughter no more ‘ cause I been poking her and she's mine now."

"Not till you put a ring on me finger I ent,"Lucy says,"You ent me dad, you ent me zilch,"

"Bloody hell girl,"I says,"Thee don't hang around do thee ?"I thought a mo. She were fit, level-headed, why she had a better than modal prospect of bearing me a son. Me nous were made up.

"Marry me then our Lucy !"I says.

"‘ row I will,"she says,"Lets nip off down rectory and set matter in motion."

"Bugger me tha'don't hang about.|"I admitted.

"I had a good teacher,"she smiled.

We picked up us flick and headed off down vicar's place.

Vicar bloody near had a fit,"But she's your girl !"he whined.

"Step girl,"Lucy reminded him,"Him and me Mam ent married any road and me half sister is all bastards."

"I wouldn't yell all of em bastards, bloody irritating mebe,"I confessed.

"She means technically,"the Vicar said helpfully,"So there is a lot to mastermind, efflorescence, bells, choir,"

"That's bollocks is that,"Lucy says,"No prime, no bells, no choir, no bloody fancy garb, just call the Banns, marry us role way through forenoon divine service and then us can get started on a son and heir for Daddy, I mean for Henry."

"Are you sure ?"I asks.

‘ Course I'm sure,"Lucy insisted,"I know thee dear brass Sir Thomas More than anything so I ent going to get going off by riling thee am I ?"

I were shocked to the inwardness, she understood me in a way our Elsie never did. Elsie always wanted new clobber long afore the old were wore out, her'd of want flush and the unscathed bloody shebang.

We went back home, I expected Lucy to escape in along with I but her said not till us was wed so I had to make do with Elsie and her only let me pry her backside.

deuce-ace weeks later we was wed. Bloody Hell did I know it. I were bloody knackered. Her wanted it morning noon and dark, afore bring out fast, during break of the day fag faulting, piece of cake time and after tea as well as bed time.

"You'll give me ticker onslaught !"I protested as she jumped on me thingy for the second fourth dimension in an hour in pit berth wi clerks and that trying to look t'other way.

"And all thee stuff will be mine,"she said her eyes ablaze.

"Ah, so that's thee program,"I agreed as her bounced up and down on me thingy which were blind drunk as a pit airplane propeller,"So what u'd thee change if I popped me congest ?"

"rush our bloody Mam out for a start, and me flaming sisters,"she said,"Get a becoming theatre what's sluttish to keep clean and jerk and warm William Christopher Handy for pit."

"And,"I says as her leap up, down and sideways on me thingy, pleasuring her sen.

"Get me self a fit bloke what can roger me sideways all day and all night."she said wistfully.

"He'd have thee fat we child afore thee knowed,"I assured her,"But thee has a point, what bloody use is thee Mam except when thee has womens thingys and I can't have thee. chuck her out and the kids, send em down work house."

"You callous shit !"she said,"They're your bloody kids."

"Not a shit o dear none of em,"I admitted,"e should kick the bloody lot out."

"Thing is,"Lucy said,"If we moved in that skillful three bed down Abbotoire road as I got me eye on."

"Yes ?"I said,"We could let big theater out as flats, send the older little girl down pit, lend youthful to chimney sweep, and set our Mam up in her own whore house and boot her rent."

I were gob smacked. I shot me warhead in shock."Bugger me our Lucy,"I says,"Why the ‘ ell didn't I think of that !"

"Yer gettin'old, and I had a just teacher,"she happily as she climbed off me and wiped her sen on table cloth."Now have a bit of a kip, I'll be back for more in half a mo !"

Her went back to shovelling.

"Her'll have thee in early grave you mark my words,"Cocker Drayton chief shop assistant muttered.

"I die happy,"I answered,"Then mebbe her'll fuck thee ?"

He went quite pale.

"I'm bloody joking you wazzock !"I taunted him.

He bloody fainted. Said it were daze of me cracking a jocularity, starting time time in the 20 years he 'd worked'for me.

Its bloody funny what love does to thee .