This is the back story of a much longer chronicle arc, which is best read in the order of the List at the end.

interlingual rendition of High German row or phrases at the end. However, I have tried to micturate the import fairly exonerated in context.



AS THETWIG IS BENT
constituent One

Wie der Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum.
As the sprig is stoop, so grows the tree.


"Kurt ! Darlin ’, wake up ! You're havin'a nightmare. Kurt !"

Logan's voice doughnut through my chief, disrupting the ambition that holds me wrapped."I am avake. Stop shaking me. It is all right,"I protest as I gather the pieces of world around me, pushing the detritus of that false reality out of my mind.

I feel Logan's limb encircle my still-trembling dead body, drawing me closemouthed to him. I curl up against his breast like a child.

"What was that all about, Elf ? I'm usually the one with the nightmares, but this is the thirdly night in a row that I've had to wake you up."

"It is zero. I just vant to leave it."

"Was it the same one again ?"

"I do not vant to speak about it !"

"It was, wasn't it, darlin'?"He hesitates before going on, as if unsure of my reaction."Who's Herr Grüber ?"

scare engulfs me at the credit of that name. I tense up and cling tighter to my puzzled mate, shaking my head in abnegation. My dock curls pathetically between my legs.

Logan reacts instantly to the fear that floods my scent as well as my sudden tautness by using one of the hands he has behind me to stroke my cover. I take a cryptic breath, trying to relax.

"cipher. It is not important. Please, let us not talk of this."

"cypher, huh ? Then why have you been pleading with him in your sopor for the last few night ? And why did you call out his gens the nighttime before that, while I was fisting you ?"

"Vhat did I say ?"

"You really wan na hump ?"

All I can do is nod my head. I had no idea I was talking in my sleep, much less during the clip Mount Logan was fist-fucking me. Mein Gott, what have I been saying ? !

"You were whimpering and begging in German. I didn't catch all of it, but it was something like"Nein, Herr Grüber. Bitte, nein."I've never heard your voice strait like that before. And then later you told him to go back to hell on earth, where he belonged. It's been mostly the same kind of thing during the nightmares also."

Oh, no ! Had I really said all that out forte ? !

"C'mon, Elf. This ain't ‘ nobody'if he's haunting your dreams."

"I do not vish to talk about him."

"You're acting like a scared child. This is me. There's null you can't William Tell me."

I can not even bring myself to say his epithet, much less public lecture about Herr Grüber. Not to Mount Logan, not to anyone. Distraction. Ja, that is it. I can disorder him from pursuing this.

"So then there is also null you can not differentiate me, nicht wahr ?"

Logan reacts as I expect him to."wellspring - uh --"

I take the hatchway he gives me."Of course of study, it is all right hand for you to turn down to lecture to me about those particular commission you have been going out to do alone, but I must distinguish you everything about my lifespan. Is that it ?"

If he truly were a wolverine, I would have been capable to see his hair stand on end when I said that. As it is, I feel him tense up, just as I have. We lie there stiffly and bristled in each other's arms.

"You don't understand, Kurt. That's unlike. I can't distinguish you about that."

"How is it different ? Vhy ?"

"You don't understand. That's all. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"I can't. You've just got to desire me on this."

"I could say the same to you then."

I pull away from him, turning over and dragging the covers up to my chin.

"Aw, Elf, don't do this to me. Or to yourself."

"I am not doing anything to you that you are not doing to me."

"Haven't we gone around in Mexican valium long enough about this already ?"

"Ja, ve have. So let us leave it alone."

"OK, guess I'm gon na have to figure it out for myself then."

I start to get up from the bed, but his branch fasten around my waistline."You ain't goin'nowhere, darlin ’. Not without me goin'along."

Scheisse ! Now what am I going to do ? If he is holding me like this, I can not even teleport without taking him with me.

"Talk to me, damnit !"

I shake my forefront in mute refusal. If one does not talk, one can not gift anything away.

"This ain't like you. You're usually the one who's all for communication and honesty. Most of the time I can't get you to shut your oral fissure. But now, I can't seem to get you to open it. What's the matter ? Cat got your glossa ?"

That did not make any signified."Nein. My tongue is decently here,"I protest, turning around and sticking it out at him.

"It's an idiom, darlin ’."

I duck my head to hide my embarrassment."Oh. Sorry."

Well, so lots for silence. I was never very good at that anyway.

"C'mon, Elf. You're the one always wanting us to utter about stuff."

"Can ve not just lecture of something else ?"

"OK."

Too easy. He is not going to dedicate up that easily, and I know it.

"feeling, you're all upset. I know how to get you to relax."

He draws me back down so that I am lying alongside him again, but still facing my incline of our bed. His hand moves down to the pocket-sized of my back. I shiver as he digs his fingerbreadth into the cockeyed musculus that control my shadow. delicious ! Just what I need to banish the remnant fright from the nightmare. If I had been lying on my stomach instead of my side, I would have arched my back against his mitt, as a cat will do when petted. As it is, I press my rose hip back against him and sigh luxuriously. If I were that hypothetical cat, I would have begun to purr.

I know very well what this will extend to, but I have no objections. Quite the opposite, in fact. Sex will surely depart his movement to figure out what is bothering me.

"Darlin ’, I really know very little about your early puerility, although you've told me a lot about performing in the Circus as a teen-ager and how much you enjoyed it,"he says lightly, as if this were his version of changing the subject to some kind of small talk. Although I try to contain onto my feel of upbeat and ease, it is hard. I know fully fountainhead that I can not easily deceive Logan. For one matter, I have no talent for lying. For another, he could probably severalize from the nerves in my scent if I even attempted to tell him an untruth.

"One would think you went right from your female parent's womb to the flying trapeze,"he continues, in that same lighting tone of voice.

Before I can stop myself, I reply bitterly,"Often I have vished that vere true."

"Uhmm."

That is all ? No further commentary ? It seems so, as his hired man moves lower and grasps the base of my tail, massaging it gently. My entire tail assembly collapses down onto the bed as if it were boneless, lying there in hitch solace. Wunderbar !

"Ya know, I really enjoyed it when you let me fist-fuck you a few night ago."

Even better. He is changing the study to something much more pleasant than my early childhood. I am on unbendable ground here, talking about the other night. Except for what I must experience said out loud.

"Ja, it vas incredible. Aftervards, I felt so - so -"At a deprivation for discussion, all I can do is gesture with my hand, as if I am reaching for something I can not quite grasp.

"I know. I can't find the flop words to depict it either."His script continues working on my tail, while his other hand moves around to my chest, playing over the scarred designs.

"You almost told me to stop at one point, didn't ya ? Just before my knuckles went in ?"

"How did you have it away that ? I only asked you to stop and vait a hour so I could adjust to the feeling."

"Elf, I've been there myself, call up ? That's usually the most difficult part to get through. I almost gave up then too, on my number 1 try."

"You did ?"

"Sure. It's a terrifying feeling, as if you're going to be split open at any second. Me, I felt as if there was a switch that had to come home over in my head in club that I could relax and allow myself to afford further, but it just won't go. In my experience, the folks who get by that degree usually flash on something in their past that helps that switch to click on, some method of repose they've used before. Does that vocalize like what happened to you ?"

Before I can stop it, my tongue betrays me."Ja ! I remembered when Herr Grüber –-"I sit up abruptly."Verdammt, Mount Logan ! Du hast mich betrogen !"

"Yeah, I tricked you. So what ?"His implements of war wrap around me, once again drawing me back down by his side of meat. His hired man return to their premature activity."At least you can tell me what this cryptical Herr Grüber did that made you open up and take my mitt so well. That's not classified information, is it ?"

"Vell, no,"I reluctantly admit."It vas only that he taught me a sort of mantra, a way to picture myself. It comes in William Christopher Handy for such a situation."

"That sounds like a good matter. How does it go ?"

"You are to imagine yourself as a swarm floating effortlessly through the sky. It is varm, sunny, and you are drifting on a gentle breeze. You are immaterial, permeable, above all the difficulty of the vorld below."Even as I say it, I feel myself start to melt."You shift from conformation to shape, impermanent, changeable. You can absorb anything you have to. You can be anything you have to be."I shake my head. Too much of this and I will outer space out. Perhaps I have learned my mantra too well.

"Not bad. It sure did the illusion the former night."By now, his finger's breadth are teasing one nipple, and his other hand has traveled around below my tail, not quite at that tender spot between my empennage and my anus. He is teasing me, stopping just before touching that place.

"Ja. I have not had to use that meditation for more years than I vould really like to count. As you have often noted, I have far Thomas More flexibleness in all vays than the median mortal does. And that includes certain sphincter muscles."

"That's for goddam sure ! I never would've been capable to get into you that easily for the first time otherwise. Not with a hand the size of mine."

That script is just now rolling my hard mammilla between its fingers. I take hold of it and get it to my lips, kissing his knuckles and then sucking briefly on each one in turn. Perhaps this will trouble him from his persistent stress on matter I do not like to have him concenter on. I have never told anyone very much about my early childhood, early than that I was in a sideshow with a circus before I became a trapeze artist. And that is all anyone needs to hump, including Logan.

He will not be distracted. Wresting his hand out of my aegir oral fissure, he takes hold of my tomentum and gently pulls my head back so that he is looking me in the face.

"So what else did you get word from this Grüber fellow ?"

"Nothing of any interest."

"Um-hmm."

From the doubting tincture of his voice this time, I can tell he does not consider me for a present moment. Nevertheless, I volunteer no further entropy, nor do I stand for to.

Then his other deal touch sensation that lovely topographic point just shy of my asshole. I close my eyes and drop my head further back until it rests on my pillow."Aah, Gott !"

"Ya like that, don't'cha, Elf ?"I can discover the gloating expiation in his voice. I might be raging, if I could muster up the Energy needed, but as he continues to rub me just there, it feels too blessedly good to bother.

"Yeah, ya like it."I can imagine the smug grinning on his face about now. But I do not care.

"Got an estimate, Elf."

"So do I. Fick mich."

He laughs."Don't worry, I'll fuck you soon enough. commencement, let's bring a little biz. You know how to play 20 motion ?"

"Ja, but I vould much rather -"

He does not let me end."If I can reckon out the deep iniquity secret you're hidin ’, I win. If I can't, you win. The usual terms : also-ran buys the beer. What do ya say ?"

Slightly miffed, I retort,"Nein. I know how much beer you can drink, compared to me. I have decided the betting odds are stacked against me."

"calling card can be stacked, darlin ’. Odds can't."

"You know vhat I mean."

"Yeah. So what do you desire to do about it ?"

I am determined to ignore those caressing fingerbreadth beneath my tail and repel a hard bargain, even if my entire tail is twitching and quivering uncontrollably beneath the top and my cock is stiff as a board."If I vin, you vill not only buy the beers I drink at the bar, but you vill buy me a event of beer for succeeding consumption also."

"Agreed."

"I varn you, it vill take many more than 20 questions."

"Ya think so, huh ?"

"Ja."I am very indisputable, but still I do not like the way this conversation is going. Nevertheless, his finger's breadth are still playing with me lasciviously beneath my tail, so I have not yet given up on rerouting his interest away from his silly game.

"Then ya can't lose, right ? So let's romp. Here's my start inquiry. Is this Herr Grüber the man who ran the sideshow where you appeared as a small fry ?"

"Ja."The reply is out before I can so much as think about it.

"Was he the one who trained you to do the - ah - interesting -- affair you can do so well when we screw ?"

All right, how could he know that ?"Ja,"I admit, somewhat reluctantly this time. Logan's dead reckoning are too close for comfort.

"So you spent your puerility being sexually abused by him, right ?"

"Is that another question ?"I ask warily.

"Yeah."His bridge player moves down a little bit, so that he is still massaging that wonderful station with his pollex, but his fingers now press against my opening.

"Ahh - mein Schatz - uh - you are distracting me from our game."

"I know that."But he does not stop.

"I vill drop off count of the questions."

"I'll keep rails of what phone number we're on. Right now, I'm waiting for your result to my third question."

"Uh - no. Herr Grüber did not exactly abuse me."

"No ? fourth question. Then what did he exactly do to you ?"

"He very rarely had sex vith me himself. He only trained me to perform for my customers."

"fifth part question. Trained you to perform what ?"

"Vhatever they vanted of me and vere villing to pay him for."

"one-sixth question. Like sex ?"

I duck my top dog and shroud my face against his tolerant dresser, shaking my head."I do not have to respond because you have been cheating,"I mutter."Do you mean I do not know that all the questions must be able to be answered by a yes or a no ? You have already asked two that should not count."

"All right, you got me on a technicality, darlin ’."His voice is voiced succeeding to my ear. I feel his glossa lick the manoeuver tip, even as his finger's breadth enters my body."I withdraw those questions. seminal fluid on, Elf. You're not gon na chicken out on me now, are ya ?"

His finger strokes me inside, reaching for my prostate. My desire flares into something that I can no longer carry, as I spit out the answer he so badly wants to hear."Yes, yes, yes ! Sex ! Vhat else ? ! Sex, in any vay they vant it, vith any other disgusting nasty things they vant me to do or vant to do to me, no issue if I like it or not ! ! Are you happy now ? Are you satisfied ? !"

His face registers sudden shock as I wrench myself out of his embrace, his finger's breadth being roughly pulled out of my ass in the process. I crouch before him on my hands and genu, bending my human elbow to lower my heading and put my ass in the air and holding my shadower off to one side in the classic invitation of a cat in heat."Fick mich ! !"I demand."Jetzt !"

"Elf, come on, not like that. Let me declare you in my arms and kiss your lips. I wan na see your eyes glow with love and passion."

"Nein ! I do not vant to count at you ! I can not ! I do not vant it nice and gruntle and loving ! I vant it severely and savage. I vant you to bang me like the whore I am ! Do not talk. Do not console me. constitute it hurt ! shtup me ! Hard. Now."

"Aw right, if that's how you want it."After a brief moment, his shaft closet against my hole, held sweetheart and guided by his hand. Even so, I can feel that it is wet with lube.

I growl as he hesitates. I slam my hips back against him, forcing his intemperately cock into my ass in one stroke. I can feel him arch his back and hear his pharyngeal consonant cry. Then his finger's breadth dig into the sides of my pelvis and go for me steady so he can thrust deeply."You want it like this, you'll get it like this."He moves fast, hard, deep, making no concession to what I may be feeling. But I do not care.

"Use me, pain me, bring in me feel the pain !"I snarl through clenched teeth."I deserve nil more. I am a prostitute, a loose woman, a affair to be used. That is what Herr Grüber taught me to be and that is vhat I am ! How could it be any different ? Fick mich, damn you !"

For a moment, he holds still, possibly shocked by my language. This is not what I want. I want what I have said : to be used and used hard. I declaration my pelvic muscleman tightly, as if I am trying to pull him into me, then relax and do it again, at the same time tilting my pelvis forward then back. That picky sequence of motions, if repeated rhythmically for a long decent time, is almost guaranteed to bring a man to orgasm. Only a few times and Logan is moving again, matching my timing and thrusting with swell enthusiasm.

"I'm -- gon na -- occur,"he finally says roughly, between thrusts. Is it a threat or an apologia ? I am beyond caring. It does not count. I will take whatever he wants me to, his cum, his piss, his hand, anything, it makes no difference.

His finger clutch at me harder as he pulls my hips into him yet again, grinding his groin tight against my ass, forcing them apart so he can get in advance. He howls his release as I feel him tremble against me. A few more thrusts and he collapses on top of me, forcing me flat down onto the bed. I hear him panting for breath. I lie there as tear leak from the corners of my middle, feeling my traitorous penis shoot its load onto the ravel sheets. My insides burn where his cock still gouges into me. Then suddenly it is gone, the weight unit on top of me lifts. I know he is kneeling there looking down at me, then I hear another howl, this time of torment, not lust.

"Elf ? O my god ! Kurt ! Are you all right ?"

I can not answer right away. Whatever got into me, to act like that ? Where did that acute need come from ? What sort of a lusus naturae am I ? And what must Logan cerebrate ?

His munition come around me and I am dragged up succeeding to him on the bed. How can he bear to concern me, after what I have just said ?

"Kurt ? talk of the town to me. If you don't say something, I'm gon na acquit you down to the infirmary right now."

"Vhat - vould you like me to say ?"I manage to gasp.

He pulls me against him so my head is resting on his shoulder."What was all that about ?"

I try to turn away, but his arm holds me close."I -- I -"I stop, swallow, and try again."I think that is vhat happens vhen you play Tventy Questions vith me."

That gets a wan smile from him, so I continue."Perhaps it is a in effect thing that ve only got as far as number six ?"

A tentative chuckle."look like you owe me the beer, huh ?"

"Nein,"I object automatically, while function of my mind is still trying to aline to the melodic theme that he does not despise me."You cheated."

"All right. holler it a draw then. We each buy our own beer the next time."

I nod, waiting to see where he takes the conversation from here.

"Now, darlin ’, you're gon na tell me about all this. Or do I have to fick you again ?"

I hang my head."I -"

He lifts my chin before I can go any further.

"—and don't even start to say you can't talk about it. Got that ?"

I nod."Ja. You vin."

He kisses the top of my head."So severalise me what happened."

"I do not cognize vhere to start."

"In that case, I'll ask more motion. How did you get into a Circus sideshow in the first place ? Do you even know ?"

"Only vhat I vas told by Herr Grüber. He found me as a very Whitney Young infant in a cardboard box on the doorstep of his mansion at the circus'vinter after part in the village of Schönberg one icy dawn. There vas a patch of theme pinned to my blanket that read ‘ Kurt Vagner ’, spelled vith a W, of course."I shrug."This could all be a lie. I have no vay to tell. All I know for sure is that I vas vith him as early as I can commend, and being surrounded by alien who stare down at me is section of my earliest memories. That, and a voman who must accept been hired as my nurse who put her finger's breadth up my ass every time she suckled me. Much later on, Herr Grüber told me she did that on his orders.

"Vhen I vas a very young child, it vas not too bad. I can recall appearing as persona of the sideshow, doubtlessly as one of the nut. There vas an extra charge to see the Amazing monster babe, vhich became the Amazing the Tempter Boy as clip passed."

I go on to tell Mount Logan a relatively legal brief version of my childhood, first pointing out that, obstinate to the image in about ethnic music'minds these years, a freak display did not ( and I say it in the past tense because such things are generally not common anymore ) normally lie of mass imprisoned in cages and forced to be on display. most of us were there of our own free will, in large office because it was the only way to earn a decent living. For those of us who could, a lot of it was a true up carrying out, not just a case of standing before the gawking consultation while they stared at us. At dissimilar fourth dimension, I danced, did acrobatics, juggled, and even came up with a fairly upright contortionist act.

The distinctive sideshow was not just freaks. There were also people with strange accomplishment, such as steel swallowers, magicians, fervidness eaters, and knife ceramist, to diagnose just a few. Then there were the fakes, who were not true monster at all but only pretended to be by using versatile forms of skulduggery, or who, like most of the fortune storyteller, were simply fooling the great unwashed with their mumbo jumbo. On top of all that, there were the grifters, who ran con secret plan and games of chance on the First Baron Marks of Broughton inside the tent, or simply picked their pockets.

From all of these masses, I learned thing. From the tongue throwers, I learned to throw knife. From the blast feeder and sword swallowers, I learned how it was done, although I did not attempt to do it. From the shammer and the grifters, I learned that, while it is not strictly speaking rightful that"you can't cheat an honest man ”, it is indeed significantly more difficult to do so. The easiest person to Lolium temulentum is the one who thinks he is really entitled to get something for zip, especially if you can also do him think he can put something over on you.

As I have already mentioned, I was not usually in the main part of the sideshow, but rather one of the extra attractions that was offered for the men in the interview to see at the end of the display, for a modest extra charge. This was called the"blow off"and was conducted behind a pall that concealed one entire end of our collapsible shelter. It consisted mainly of scantily-clad young Lady who would dance for the men, often giving them fleeting glimpses of nudity. Our dancers were dressed in Arabic costumes, with many velum they could spill during the performance before anything serious would be revealed, and the lonesome music they needed was provided by a unity drummer. Some of the ladies were more proficient at these so-called belly dances than others.

I was told later on that as an infant, I was brought out by one of the ladies, unclothe, and held out for the audience to see up close. The Amazing Devil Baby was the warm-up act before the dance began.

As I got old, I was able to be a more active participant, coming in with the gentlewoman to evidence myself off. While I had not been taught to trip the light fantastic toe as they did, I started mimicking them early on. That made the men looking at us smile and laughter, so I kept on doing it. I discovered by stroke that the audience would embolden me enthusiastically if I tried to pull out off some of the embryonic membrane that covered the ladies, so I added that to my act. It was fun to hear the audience clap for me. The dancers soon figured out how to play along with what I did, shrieking as I came near them, trying to keep their veils out of my reach, or acting very hinder if I were successful in my efforts.

When I was old enough that propriety demanded that I also wear something virtually of the metre, we set it up so that the ladies could shoot off my vesture also, to get more laugh. By the end of the appearance, I usually ended up entirely raw. I would walk over close to the bound of the leg and let the people touch me however they wished. I was so used to being displayed to others by then that I was not embarrassed or ashamed.

Since I already looked the part, I played up my devilishness as I got old, leering at the dancer and taunting them. I even had a miniature pitchfork, and brandished it suggestively. By that metre, I knew very well what was going on and why men wanted to see naked woman. I also knew perfectly well what the men wanted to do to those defenseless women, if they had had a chance. I suspected that some of the girls were doing more than merely dancing for the men, just as I was, but I thought cypher of it.

I had barely learned to talk reasonably well when Herr Grüber started my preparation in earnest. At first gear it was easy and kind of fun. I used my hired hand to please the private customers that came to our trailer late at night, as Herr Grüber had arranged with them earlier in the day. He was exceptionally good at picking out masses in the audience who showed a particular enchantment with me, then offering them the chance for a more private fundamental interaction later on, for a rather high fee, natürlich.

When a male customer brought a woman with him to see me, wanting to simply watch me please her, it was easy, even with just two fingerbreadth and a thumb on each of my hands to work with. I think that very gewgaw was region of what concern some of them in my ministration. Of course, I had to be careful of my fingernails, which even at that tender age were thicker and larger than the medium child's.

My male customer were more challenging, as they could be very demanding and I had to use to a greater extent strong suit and exploit to make them come. There was always a good sense of triumph when I was successful, as the entire process fascinated me.

Sex organs became some of my most worry toy. Once one of the men asked me to lap up up the sticky stuff he had produced, and I found it did not ingest a very bad mouthful at all. None of the men asked me to nurse on their dicks though. All I had to do was smile at them and they lost any involvement they might have had in such a matter. Even my baby teeth were tart, crooked, and oversized. Probably that was for the unspoilt, as my lip would not have accommodated them. I have yet to find anyone who wants me to give them a blow job.


As I grew older, Herr Grüber gradually added other activeness to my repertoire, as I became capable to do them. I was a very good pupil, wanting, as a youngster will, to please the individual who seemed most interested in me. It was not permitted to pain me, and I did not have it off there was anything strange about being fondled by stranger, or being expected to touch their genitals and gift them pleasure. It was simply what I did. Eventually I learned to include my empennage in the carrying into action of my duties, along vith a large raiment of the devices usually known as sex toys, which is particularly apt in my case.

I never knew how much money he made by selling me -- how do you say ? - off the books, but it must have been a considerable amount of money, since he had many more luxuries than the others around us, even the top tier performers in the circus itself. None of us in his appearance lacked for good food and decent animation conditions, considering the gypsy sprightliness we had to lead.

Sometimes I broke one of Herr Grüber's Rules and was punished, but that was not very often. However, when it did come about, it was not fun at all."



"pattern, Elf ?"Logan interrupted."What sorting of rules ?"

"Oh, mostly quite fair. The first three vere the most significant. Let me see if I can still recollect them correctly.

"First Rule : Never tell about vhat happens vith my private customers or during my training Roger Huntington Sessions. moment prescript : Never garbage to do vhat Herr Grüber tells you to do in the preparation sitting. one-third normal : You may never turn down a paying customer anything. You may cry, plead, or beg, but you must not jib in any vay. Only Herr Grüber is permitted to decide what may or may not be done by a customer.

"I may stimulate gotten the claim vording of the live one a little wrong, but that was the nitty-gritty of it. Since I vas a good niggling boy and adjudicate hard to please him, I seldom broke those rules. I vas punished most often for vhat he called behind Infractions."

"Tail infractions ? What on earth -- ?"

"Very simple. If I failed to control my fundament and either got it in the vay of what was being done, or worse, actually struck him with it. The very vorst matter vas to walk out one of my private customers."

"But you've often told me you can't always control what your arse does or how it moves."

"Ja, and that is the fair the true. Eventually, Herr Grüber believed me vhen I told him that. My tail truly does induce a head of its own in many vays, responding to my emotional body politic automatically."

As I am saying that, I sneak my backside around underneath the covers and tickle the sole of his foot. He laughs, and we struggle playfully for a here and now as I continue to try to tickle him. I end up pinned down beneath him while he holds my buttocks firmly away from his consistency with one mitt, frowning down at me.

"Give it up and I'll let you go. Otherwise I'll pay your tail a skilful twist."

I know that is an empty threat. He will not seriously harm my tail. Nevertheless, I let it go limp in his grasp.

"As you may hold noticed,"I say, trying hard not to express joy,"the darn thing still gets me in bother now and then. But I have learned a certain sum of money of control condition since I vas a child."

Mollified, he releases me entirely and we get well-to-do alongside each other again. I must soon re-start my story, like it or not.

"Once Herr Grüber realized I did not do it deliberately, the punishments ceased. However, my tail vould always be restrained if I vere vith a customer and he thought it might prove to be a problem. I got so that I expected something really bad to happen to me any fourth dimension my tail vas tied down as part of the homework for the arrival of a customer. I vas seldom disappointed in my expectations."

"So what exactly did he do to punish you ?"

"He had a exceptional horseback riding craw vhich vas used only for that determination. It vas more set than the usual single, so it hurt more. It had a red strip of leather braided in vith the usual pitch blackness strip show so I could enjoin it from the others. I got a certain routine of blows across my buttocks, depending on the hardship of the misdemeanor, either rear end or ordinary Rule. The most vas five, but usually I got much less. However, if I cried out or tried to evade the coke, I vould get one more added to the total for each time I did that, also the Same as vould have happened during ordinary punishment. It did not take long to learn not to do that."

Logan nodded. That apparently made sense to him."Sounds as if he was a rather harsh taskmaster."

"That, mein Freund, is an understatement to say the least. Vith me, it produced the sort of solvent he vanted."

Logan stares off into space for a moment, as if he is thinking about something. Then he comes back to the award.

"As the twig is bent,"he says softly,"so grows the tree."

"Vhat ?"

"Haven't you ever heard that proverb ?"

I shake my psyche, then I try translating it into German, to see if it might fathom Thomas More familiar. “'Wie der Stefan Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum ’."

"Yeah, that's it. You mean you've never heard it before ?"

"I have not. I think ve do not say that in Germany."

"Your Herr Grüber was obviously comrade with the concept,"Mount Logan response, somewhat disdainfully.

"Ja, it vould appear so. But vhy do you say ‘ tvig'? That is a very small branch, not a youth Tree like a seedling."

"How would I know ? That's just the way it goes, that's all."

"Vell, the significance is certainly true, in any case."

"Enough of this. Let's get back to the story, huh ?"

I glance out the window, and see the spare pinch of Louis Harold Gray in the swarthiness beyond. There will not be clip to order him much more before the break of the day will be upon us, and we will have to get up. There are, after all, course to teach. Whatever happens between us, it will not be resolved in the short time remaining in this dark. But I can make a start.

I nod and try to relax back against him as I go on.

"It vas not all sex, you know. Like any youngster growing up in a circus, I had lots of other things I had to do also, besides being a dancing freak in the sideshow. The sideshow only ran before and after the main genus Circus appearance, vhich left me free to take a small part in the substantial functioning. I had a talent for acrobatics, so I started at an former age in the children's acrobatic show. Of grade, I could not look as I really looked or no one vould pay to see me as a freak. variation vere not generally recognized for vhat they vere in those day, since they vere still relatively rare and the general world knew nothing except a few stories about the great unwashed vith strange abilities or coming into court. At that metre, I did not sleep with vhat I vas either. It got a good deal intemperate to disguise myself later on, when the cosmos of mutant became common knowledge.

"The handler of the baby's troupe decided to hide me in plain pot : all the children vere costumed as little devils vith hindquarters and vore makeup in respective semblance and plan. To work me even less conspicuous, I had to be a little daughter, vith a flouncy myopic chick and longsighted curly vig. The bird covered part of my empennage, so if I forgot now and then to carry it stiff and artificially curved like the fake tails the others vore, it vould be to a lesser extent noticeable.

"Vhen ve had a parade down the main street of a town to attract people to the show, I rode along on the elephant, vearing a loose clown costume and physical composition that concealed me completely as I juggled some colorful testis or balanced on my hands."

Zirkus Sonnig was not enceinte or long-familiar. In fact, as circuses went, it was somewhat disreputable, but I did not bang that back then. It traveled mostly around Bavaria, so, unlike the American circuses that often had retentive distances to shroud between stops, we usually had to ride for only a short time. Since all of Germany is only about the size of the state of Montana, and Bavaria is only one office of Germany, we did not spend bombastic amount of money of metre in transit, which gave us Sir Thomas More time for setting up the tents and other necessary equipment. In all, there were only nine large hand truck to contain equipment and animals, plus varying numbers of individual camping bus or trailers belonging to the performing artist and other worker. Herr Grüber and I lived in his nicest trailer, and he had another one for some of his sideshow people, while still others had their own trucks or campers.

Every winter we stayed at our poop in the modest townsfolk of Schönberg in central Bavaria, which I have already mentioned. The other youngster in the circus would go to the local school during that time, but I had my own private tutor, since I could not seem in public unless I was thoroughly concealed by my wearable. It being winter and very cold, that was not too unmanageable for me to accomplish so long as I was outside, but it would not work indoors at a school.

As for the sex, even when I became old enough to ascertain more building complex doings, it still was not that bad. As soon as my finger's breadth became fairly good at what they did, Herr Grüber started working on early persona of me. By the clip he started training me to accept anal penetration, I was so accustomed to knowing about such things that I approached it as just another lesson I must instruct in edict to please him. After all, I had been used to having his digit up my ass on a regular foundation, ever since my nurse had been dismissed.

After my 5th birthday, I was put to bed every night with a butt plug in my ass, in gradually increasing sizing. It was during this clock time that he taught me the floating cloud meditation that has proven so good. By my 6th natal day, he had sold the right to make my virginity, such as it was, to the high bidder he could find.

But you must not believe he just let someone rip me open. Oh no. He was always very measured, setting limits and keeping an eye on what was done. As a result, I was never seriously injured during any of this, although it was unspeakable and frightening at times, especially that firstly time with an adult man.

If I did very well, he vould tell me I was his besonderes Dämon-Kind, or his kluger kleiner Teufel. Then he would convey me a gift from the midway. Maybe some cotton confect or Zea mays everta or some small fallal he thought I would like.

If I seemed sad about being unlike from the early children, he would say me that, if I were like the others, I would not be able to do all these matter so well and he would not love me as much.

As I have mentioned, there were punishments if I broke his ruler, but when I was punished, it was only because I deserved it. Most of the time, I got joy from what he did, and also from what my private customers did to me. Herr Grüber was always right there, not permitting anyone to be rough or savage to me. As any child might do, I thought of him as my teacher and protector."



Logan breaks into my news report, clearly unable to keep quiet any longer."Elf, he only protected you like that because he didn't want to smash you."

"Ruin me ?"

"Think about it. If he let everyone rape you repeatedly and brutally, how long would it accept been before you were terrified, traumatized, and no longer attractive to the customers ? Rip your asshole open often enough and long enough, and you'd lose your muscle tone and be unable to do what you now do so well. like thing if he let you enamour all kinds of diseases. He didn't want to damage his valuable merchandise. Can't you see that ?"

"I can now, but it did not feel that vay back then."

"Of grade not ! What did you hump about such matter ? You were a kid."

My eyes are staring down at the floor again, as I acknowledge the total extent of how well and surely Herr Grüber had manipulated me."I guess you think I should have resisted vhat he -"

"How ? What could you birth realistically done to stop him ? Give yourself a break. It wasn't your fault, so why are you looking so ashamed ? Are you afraid I'll think less of you because you didn't fight back ?"

"No. Not for that exactly."

"What then ?"

"Gott hilf mir, I enjoyed it ! I vanted it ! I vanted his dearest ! I vould do anything he told me to do, just so I could get his approval."

"All children need love life, Elf, just like we do,"Logan says, petting my head and smoothing my pilus back gently."Why would you be any different ?"

"They don't need that variety of honey ! !"I retort, too loudly and with my voice breaking at the end.

"No, they don't. But if they can't get one kind of erotic love, they'll contract another. Do some research on brainwashing, darlin ’. There's more than one way to bankrupt someone's will, and one of those ways is to convince them to roll in the hay you."

I think about that as I struggle to get myself under control. Finally, I am composed enough to ask,"Logan, do you think I am softheaded because of vhat Herr Grüber did to me ?"

"As far as sex goes, Elf, I think you're one of the reasonable people I've ever known. Also, one of the most lettered, and you didn't learn that in your acrobatics year. contract that floating like a defile thing, for representative. Turned out to come in handy, didn't it ?"

"But I learned that from Herr Grüber."

"I know, but it works, doesn't it ?"

I nod grudgingly.

Logan leans forward and osculate my middle."So don't worry about it. I'll never think any lupus erythematosus of you for what someone else did a recollective time ago."

I am about to tell him he might very well think less of me if he knew the remainder of what I did, but at that minute, our alarm system clock goes off.

We both jump. Logan reaches the clock first and turns it off. I am glad he did not slice it in one-half, as he has sometimes done. The sun has somehow managed to hoist itself up above the horizon unnoticed by either of us.

We look at each other and shrug our articulatio humeri."I guess it is time for me to get up,"I say reluctantly.

"Serves ya right for agreeing to teach an early class this semester. I get to slumber for another couple of hours."He grins and flops down onto his side of meat, pulling the pillow up over his head.

As I get out of bed, I hear his muffled vocalism Call out,"This discussion isn't finished, Kurt. Just postponed until tomorrow night."

"Ja,"I agree, without enthusiasm.


THE star sign
intermezzo


As Mount Logan comes in the doorway to the cortege of rooms we occupy here at the School, he finds me sitting in the professorship by the window in our bedroom, a nursing bottle of beer in one hand and an empty-bellied bottleful already on the windowsill.

"OK, Kurt, what's goin'on ? I don't usually see ya drinkin'this early in the day."

I glance at the clock beside our bed."It is 4:36 PM, mein Schatz. That is not so early."

"Umm,"is the noncommittal response. He comes over, swipe my hand and the bottleful together to go over the level of the fluid. Half empty. Or half full, if you are an optimist. He leans down succeeding to me, pressing his lips against mine.

When we end the kiss, I make a face and state him,"You taste like your last cigar."

"And you taste like your final beer, with a position order of brimstone."

zip unusual about either complaint. We are just sparring with each former, as we often do.

"OK, darlin ’, gon na secern me why the beer ?"

"Ja. Very uncomplicated. I have something to show you from my puerility and I am trying to get in a relaxed mood, since I know it vill not be easy."

For a moment, he is puzzled."I thought we were gon na finish up our talk about that tonight, Elf. In bed."

"Ve are. But I vas just unpacking a box of old Scripture I have had sent over from vhere they vere being stored in Germany. I thought I might be able-bodied to use some of them in my Intermediate German language social class next year. In a recession of the box, along vith a few other keepsakes, I found something that had once been very important to me, and I vish now to show up it to you."

Lifting the bottle to my mouth, I drink the rest of the beer, set the bottle on the windowsill along with the previous one, and open another from the cardboard carton at my foot. Only then do I stand up, prepared to lead the way into the room I use as my study.

Mount Logan raises an eyebrow, glancing at the remaining beers in the carton on the base. I nod, so he picks them up and carries them with us, taking one for himself as we go.

"So show me this keepsake that's so significant you have to fortify yourself with three bottles of Löwenbräu before you can deal with it."He slumps down into the reclining chair in the niche of my discipline where I do most of my reading material, taking several swallows of his beer. Then he nods approvingly at the bottleful in his handwriting."Good stuff."

"Danke. Does that think of I have finally convinced you that High German beer is better than that horse piss you Americans drink in ?"

"Uh-huh. Especially if you're the one paying for it."

I ignore his laugh. From amongst the piling of Koran scattered around my desk, I pick up a belittled object and add it over to him, draping myself bonelessly across his lap. He switches on the vivid recitation lamp next to the chair, then props me up with one arm behind my berm, as I hold my hand out to him."Here."

Setting his beer on the trading floor, he takes the little object into his own magnanimous hand, turning it around and examining it quizzically in the light from the lamp."A little house. Looks reasonably old. A corner of the yard is broken off, but somebody seems to have tried to shine it out and paint it so it's not so noticeable."

"Ja. I did that."

"So what's the quite a little ?"

I prop my head against his berm and the back of the chair and blade myself for what is to come with a hanker swallow of beer.

"One day vhen I vas about nine year of age, Herr Grüber came over to me carrying the dreaded horseback riding harvest with the red plait - and something else,"I begin.



"H - have I been bad, mein Herr ? Am I to be punished ? Vhat have I done ?"I said, my voice growing more heartsick with each sentence.

He shook his head. No. I am not to be punished. I released the breath I was holding.

"You're a big boy now, Kurt, and I'm going to start the side by side form of your training. You will discover it to be unpleasant at times, so I'm going to collapse you something that will facilitate you deal with it."

He held out his bridge player. I saw a small but detailed model of a house. It was that form where the first storey is brick, in this case painted gabardine, while the secondly story slightly overhangs the first and is mostly Edward D. White, but has numerous large timbers at angles, all multicolor disgraceful. I think this style is often called House of Tudor in this country. The cap was shingled, and a red brick chimney ran up one side of the building. I could see the house only from the front, but it had a bay windowpane protruding from the face that was opposite from the chimney. The little house rested on a subdivision of pale green lawn with several bushes. There was a wooden door with a path leading up to it.

Why would he want to give me such a affair ? I dared not even take it from his script until he indicated I might do so.

"Mein Herr, I do not understand. Vhat am I to do vith this ?"

"Over the next couple of day, I want you to canvass it very closely. Memorize the exterior so well that you can see it clearly in your mind, then decide how it looks on the inside. see the rooms, the locations, what it would front like if you were standing inside it.

"But how can I know vhat it looks like on the inside ? It has no genuine inside."

"You must opt for yourself how you want it to see, in so a lot detail that you can fix it securely in your nous. Where is the kitchen ? The bedchamber ? Living room, can ? Is there a report ? A hallway ? Where are the stairs ? Which bedchamber is yours ? Since the entire house belongs to you, you can reconstruct it in whatever way you want it to be."

"However I vant ?"

"Ja. Except there is one thing that must be there : beneath the full theatre, there is a basement. This basement is moody, damp, and cold. It is full of debris and grime, for no one ever goes down there. Rats and mice scurry on the level, spiders spin their webs in corners and roof. H2O seeps through the cracks in the walls when it rains. Scary things reach out from the shadows. Strange and frightening noises assault your ears. The stairs that lead down into this basement are old and rotted. They may not hold the weight down even of a boy such as yourself."

"Herr Grüber, I - I do not think I vish to go in a house that has such a terrible basement."

"You have no choice, mein kleines Dämon-Kind. It is where you will be."

I averted my centre and nodded, trembling.

"In time, you will get wind to get laid that basement, for it is the situation where you will keep all the things you can not stand to face in the light of day. If you are afraid, you will advertise your fear down through that room access, and let it return to the bottom of those rickety stairs. Disgust will go there also, along with shame and humiliation. This is where you will send your nightmare, when you awaken from them crying.

"But most of all, when you are hurt, this is where you will put your pain, so you will not experience it so much as it is happening to you. You will imagine it stored down in the far recession of that basement, surrounded by nasty things. You will see the informer gnawing on it, cockroaches scuttling over it. The things that gibberish and shriek in the shadows will tear at it, until it's all gone, and all that's left is you, tucked calmly and safely in your strong bed in your own cosy bedroom."

"But vhy vill I have to do that ?"

"You will not receive to do it, Kurt."He hit me across the cheek with the riding crop, not terribly hard, but hard enough."You will want to do it."

And indeed, I did, if it would ease the acutely sting across my brass and the pain in the ass of my bleeding lip.

"Your next deterrent example will be on the uses of infliction, nestling. It will take on some twelvemonth for you to master this voice of your training, and you will not savor it very much. Or perhaps -- who knows ? - you may be one of those who do enjoy it, once you know what it's like."

He held the little objective nigh to me, in straw man of my face."Study your house very closely, mein kleiner Teufel. Learn to live in it and make it your own."

I stared dubiously at the endowment he proposed to cave in me.

"Mein Herr, is it permitted that I ask you a doubt ?"

"Yes. Whether or not I answer is, as always, my choice."

"How did you learn all the thing you teach me, and vill teach me in the futurity ?"

"How do you remember ?"

"somebody taught you, as you are teaching me."

"Yes."

"Who ?"I did not really expect an result, but I got one.

"My father."

Perhaps I should consume expected that, but I did not."He gave you - this ?"I replied, pointing one finger tentatively at the menage he still held in his hand.

He nodded.

"May I also ask if he - sold you - as you do me ?"

"No, child. He kept me for his own exclusive use."

I hesitated for a moment before daring to take this mind any further. But he was not frowning, nor had he threatened me with the riding crop so far.

"Did you - enjoy it ?"My voice faded out towards the end, as my bravery finally failed me.

"That I will not answer, Kurt. Never speak to me again about this bailiwick. Verstehst du ?"

"Ja, I understand. I vill not."

He smiled. I had pleased him yet again."You're a good boy, child. Don't be afraid. This will not all be bad. There are good thing to amount for you, if you learn your example well."

I wanted to ask what good thing, but knew estimable than to push my luck. I glanced up at him trustingly, hoping for an explanation.

"I have spoken to M'sieur Villaume. He is willing to let you try out tomorrow. If you do well, he will get down training you on the trapeze along with his own son, during the winter months."

My essence sang with joy. I had wanted this for so recollective, but had thought it would never be permitted to me. I knew I had the ability to be an aerialist. I had stared for many long hours at the Villaume family up on the trapezes. I knew the basic motility, and had practiced some of them from the branches of trees whenever I could. I was the well acrobat in our small troupe of children, easily than some of the adults. My dream might now be possible after all !

Or it might be, if I continued to please Herr Grüber. For I had no fancy about that. If I did not get wind these new object lesson, and get word them well, he would not let me do this come winter.

"I vill get you proud of me, mein Herr,"I promised fervently."In all vays."I held out my bridge player for the little house.

Satisfied, he placed it on my small palm."Do you now begin to get it on what this is, Kurt ?"

I stared up at him, my eyes wide, and sway my head.

"minor, this is the House of Pain."

I curled my few fingers around the precious gift he had given me."I accept it villingly."




Mount Logan drains the beer from the bottle in his paw and drops it to the floor to link the four others that are now lying there.

"Aw, asshole, Elf,"he says, wrapping both arms around me."Not when you were only nine years old."

"Ja,"I say, my vocalism muffled against his dresser."Herr Grüber believed in starting his training young."

"Motherfuckin'son-of-a-bitch ! !"

"Do you stand for you think he fucked dogs ?"I inquire archly, looking up so Logan can see my face.

"Huh ?"At least I had derailed the string of curse word that would have come next.

"Vell, if he is the son of a bitch, his mother is a dog, nicht wahr ? And if he fucks his mother, he vould be fucking -"

Logan holds up a hand to stop me as he finishes the judgment of conviction himself."—a dog."

"Ja."

"You're not gon na distinguish me you don't know what I meant, are ya ?"

I gaze at him with a flavour of innocent incomprehension.

"Look, Elf, it's an -"

"—idiom. Ja, I know."I grin as I get up off his lap."Just trying to lighten up affair up, mein Freund. The melodrama in here vas getting so thick I vould soon have to let teleported us avay before ve suffocated."Grabbing a hand, I pull him up from the chair."seed. It is almost prison term for supper and I'm hungry, despite all this beer. Lass uns gehen."

As I turn to drag him towards the doorway, I feel a sharp smack across my arse just below my tail.

"Ow !"I turn and look at him reproachfully."Vhat did you do that for ?"

"Just because I can, smartass."

I could not dissent the obvious counter."Vell, my ass may not be all that smart, but it is certainly smarting just now."

"Agh !"he exclaims, putting his arm around my waist as we head down the stair to dinner.

voice 2 :
SO GROWS THE TREE

Wie der Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum.
As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.




The sun has set long ago and well-nigh of the others have finished dinner, yet still I sit pushing the food around on my dental plate. It is sound and I am hungry, but I can not storm myself to eat very much, as my stomach appears to be playing host to a large mint of restless butterflies.

Logan leans over to me and says softly,"All right, darlin ’. You know you're just stalling now. Let's get this over with."

I nod my assent and rise to my base. In silence, we climb the two flights of step to our suite of way on the third gear floor, where nearly of the adult and teachers have their quarters. Logan locks the door behind us as we go in, as he usually does.

Again, as is our usual practice, we strip off all our clothes and forefront for the bed. The only strange affair about all this tonight is that it is far before than our regular bedtime, and I am not looking forward to what will happen when we are both in bed.

Logan piles all of our pillows into a comfortable heap in the eye of the headboard, tucks himself under the book binding and props himself up reclining against the pillows, then looks at me with one eyebrow raised. I sigh and reluctantly lie down by his side, pulling the cover version up over me also. It is a moth-eaten night for early March, and the heating system of the mansion is not always quite adequate for me to feel comfortable during a frigidness spell. Maybe I should get up and get my housecoat and article of clothing that. No, Mount Logan has already gotten his arms around me. He would tell me I am just stalling if I get up again. And he would be rightfield. Oh well, if I stay here for a piece, I will surely get warm lying next to him like this. I bend my pegleg and wardrobe my cold feet against his warm up calves.

He sighs."You're not really into this, are you, Elf ?"

"It is that obvious ?"

"Sure. Any former Nox, especially a chilly one, you'd be wrapped around me compressed than a boa constrictor with his prey, but you're just lyin'there tonight."

"This is not well-to-do for me, you know."

"I know."All of a sudden, his fount takes on this"I got an theme"expression. Uh-oh. Last Night it was 20 doubtfulness. What is it this clip ?

He grins at me, then tries to lour menacingly."I may not hafe vays of makink you talk, but I do hafe vays of makink it easier for you to talk."He leans over across me, rummaging in the drawer of my nightstand.

I can not aid but smile at the overdo German accent.

Having found what he is searching for and incur back to his side of the bed, he holds up the stern plug that he gave me for my birthday last November. It is a pretty thing, made of solid cobalt blue methamphetamine hydrochloride, about 15 centimeters long and 5 centimeter wide at the bottom of the rounded cone-shaped part. Below that, it narrows down to a little under 3 cms before widening out into a large flat bill base. Being ice, it is sonorous, bland, and usually cool to the touch.

I know immediately what he is suggesting. Mild arousal always loosens my tongue. This might work.

I nod in agreement, leaning over to grab a fingerful of lubricating substance from the container that sits discreetly in a carved wooden box on my nightstand. As I rub the greasy stuff onto the butt plug and my ass, I smile again as I remember how we started using Crisco a few weeks ago, when we ran out of the usual lube one night and frantically ransacked the kitchen for a replacement. It turned out not to be as messy as the steady water-based hooey, and loads inexpensive.

Rolling onto my face, I bend one leg up sharply, raise my prat, and present my willing hind end to Logan for insertion. As such things go, this is not a small chew by any agency, so he works it in gradually, allowing me time to adjust. As the spacious part opens me and slides in, I sigh as I feel the familiar atmospheric pressure settle into place. I can already sense some of my anxiety dissolving. When I sleep role of the nighttime with this stopple in place, I wake up as horny as can be. I suspect that is the reason Logan gave it to me in the first place.

He presses a finger gently against the flyer base, rocking it back and Forth River inside me. I squirm at the lovely sensations, tucking myself more tightly into the warmness of his weapon system. Much ripe. Maybe I can lecture about this after all. Clearing my pharynx, I give it a try.


"As I said this good afternoon, Herr Grüber gave me that little model of a house and told me how I vas to use it. I took him at his vord, and began to imagine it in my intellect, deciding the entire top floor, including the large bay vindows on the strawman and incline of the house, vas my chamber, since no one else lived there except me. It vas full of light and cheerfulness, and I decorated it vith all the things that gave me delight. film of peaceful green woods, snow-covered sight, and ships sailing over dramatically stormy seas covered the valls, along vith circus bill poster that advertised my unbelievable accomplishment on the trapeze and high vire. Stained glass filled the panes of one of the vindows, throwing splotches of colouring material around the big room. There vere shelves and shelf of books for me to scan, and a tumid soft bed with a prosperous comfort of foursquare sewn together, all in different shades of purple. The ceiling vas a Brobdingnagian painting of stars in all their many constellations and patterns. It vas a elbow room of happy dream and upbeat days, the kind of stead I had alvays vanted.

"I put a spacious can vith a expectant tub at the side of the room furthest from the vindows, imagining how nice it vould be to fill that tub vith hot vater and soak in it on cold days. The can vas lower to the reason and smaller, to conveniently fit my child's stature. I figured I could make it expectant later on, as I grew sure-enough. I covered the floor vith thick rug, so my animal foot vould never be cold from valking on a au naturel floor.

"All this vas fun, but then I had to create the bottom storey, vith its door to the basement. I started vith a trajectory of very average stairs, imagining myself descending them. At first, I could see nothing but iniquity, but then individual rooms began to contract shape."

I break off, seeing in my idea a vision of the lovely upstairs room I had evoked shattering on the stark reality of the lower storey.

I swallow hard, staring into that darkness down below."I can not go on."

Logan says nothing but only kisses the top of my head, then the digit between my leg remembers its task of pushing the butt stopple slightly in and out, in and out. My whole soundbox tenses as a spasm of delight runs through me. I gasp. He kisses my lips this time, then pulls away to whisper in my ear.

"What are ya afraid of, darlin'? Why can't you tell me ?"

"You vill reckon me veak and covardly for vhat I let him do to me, and for vhat he made me do."All right wing, I have said it. Good.

"You ? A coward ? I know better. Besides, you were a child at the time."

"Macht's nichts. I did not resist. In some vays, I enjoyed it."

"Elf, we've been over this before. There was nothing you could do to stop him. You were a child, at the mercy of an adult. As for the enjoyment, no matter what age a person is, it's still sex, and sex can be made to be enjoyable, even if forced."

"You are right. But -"

"Nothing in the world could deepen you into a weakling in my center. I swear it."

I still look doubtful. He continues to pump his finger gently against the Amytal glass.

"C'mon, Elf. What more can I say ?"

"Nothing."An musical theme strikes me, as I enjoy the tactual sensation of the fluent dark methamphetamine hydrochloride moving against my interior."But there is something you could do."

"What ? Just recount me and I'll do it."

"I vill secernate you later. Still villing to anticipate ?"

He regards me with a certain quantity of suspicion."You're up to somethin ’, ain't ya ?"

"Ja. But that is all I vill say about it."

"Aw right, aw right, I promise. So keep talkin ’."

"The bottom floor does not interest me much. I supply it vith the lower limit of vhat is necessary in the vay of a kitchen and a support room. zip fantasy. Just plain utilitarian point and trappings. At the far incline of the kitchen, I reluctantly add the threshold that goes down into the basement. It is made of thick oak, solidly built and strong. I add a great iron bolt, telling myself that zilch can get through that room access unless I open it from my incline. I feel safer once that is finished.

"In my spare fourth dimension for the next few days, I devote myself to studying my little house. One corner, as you noticed, vas broken off, so I borrowed a file from one of the circus handymen and smoothed off the scratchy edges. Then I talked him into letting me use some pigment to make it gullible, blending in vith the rest of the lawn. The house pleased me even more, once it appeared less damaged. I continued to furnish my lovely bedroom, adding to a greater extent and more detail to it in my mind's eye. Now and again, I forced myself to think about the basement, but I hated that office of my exercise.

"Shortly after that, Herr Grüber began my new training."

He started easily and slowly. A few luminosity slap with his hand against my keister, then harder and more, until I was getting a true spanking that really smart. Sometimes this would be only in my grooming sessions, sometimes in front of a private client. Eventually, it would be the client who did such affair to me.

Then he would begin using something else. Wooden boat paddle, a belt, the frightening riding crop that had only been used for penalization before, and even then very seldom. Nothing that did real damage or left much in the way of marks, but the painful sensation was real. As with the earlier punishments I described, if I did not remain still and accept what was being done, I got more strokes added.

Next I must study to be tied or otherwise restrained. That was frightening, leaving me feeling entirely helpless and at the mercy of whoever else was there. If I had not believed Herr Grüber would continue to sustain me condom from grave harm, I would ingest been even more terrified.

And yes, as he had said, by this time I truly wanted to puddle use of my petty house. Somehow, the basement never got too full. No topic what I forced down into it, I found that there was lot of way for more.

Vicious fiddling clamps that pinched my peel, then my nipples and parts of my private parts. berth on my body that seemed so innocent until the right on amount of insistency applied by nothing more than a finger could do excruciating torture. All of this was done coupled with diverse sexual acts, so both the pain and the Adam became drag in together in my mind.

But when he first used a knife on me, just the touch of the back of the blade as he drew it lightly across my cutis lit up my nerves like the lights on a Christmas Tree. I was absolutely terrified, but also absolutely fascinated. Rarely was I cut, and even then, not deeply, but the anticipation and the fear of what might be done made up for the lack of serious pain.

By the time the season was over and the carnival went to its winter stern in Schönberg, Herr Grüber was very please with my progress. He fulfilled his promise of allowing me to train on the trapeze with M'sieur Villaume and his sept, even as he continued my early training.

I was very democratic with some of my private customer by now. They would even come up to see me in our little village, although it was rather out of the way for many of them. Once one of the more trusted customers was permitted to get hold of me habitation for a weekend. That was frightening. I had to swear that Herr Grüber's mind in this matter was redress. But it all turned out well. I returned home with the first of many giving I was to get from my customer : a miniature pirate ship in a bottle.

My trapeze deterrent example turned out well also. As you have probably guessed, M'sieur Villaume decided that I had outstanding gift for the trapeze. By the end of that wintertime, he had approached Herr Grüber with a request to countenance me to continue my training while the Circus was on the road, so long as it took place only at time and home where no stranger were around to see me. Herr Grüber agreed readily, no doubt cerebration of the day when I would be good enough to appear in the main show and could earn a skillful remuneration for him, in place of being in the sideshow. I too dreamed of that day.

Privately, he let me cognise that my trapeze study would be contingent on my continuing to do well with my former training, and that I must not allow it to interpose with the servicing of my private customers late at nighttime, as common. That was a busy summer, but I enjoyed it, despite some of the lessons he wished to teach me. I found that my experience in being hurt gave me one vantage over others in learning the trapeze : I did not venerate pain in the ass as early children did, so I did not produce a big deal out of falling and getting detriment when I landed in the safety net wrongfulness, to mention just one thing. Make no misunderstanding : no truly difficult forcible skill is learned without mistakes, hurts, injuries, strains, sprains, and early sort of pain in the neck. Sometimes the whip pain did not come from Herr Grüber's lesson at all. My short household came in handy for dealing with that also.

The beginning of the end of my precarious felicity came at the end of that summer season, when slight Anna arrived. circus Sonnig had moved back to its wintertime quarters and Herr Grüber and I had just finished moving our thing into his menage when he told me I would be staying for a weekend at the home of one of my customers. Conveniently, he had to go away himself over that Lapp prison term in society to use up care of some occupation. I thought nothing of it, by now an old hand at visiting the homes of the men who paid for my services. I had eagerly awaited this winter, when I would resume my regular family with M'sieur Villaume, instead of the slipshod normal of training we had resorted to during the busy summer months.

When I returned home, I learned that Herr Grüber's"business"had been obtaining a new junkie for his show, possibly somebody to take my place once I was good enough to do on the trapeze. This was, of course, the Anna I have mentioned. She was only five old age old and he had gotten her from a distant orphanage. I was certain that he had not told the people who ran the orphanage of the use he intended to make of her.

Anna was what we would now cry intersexual. She had such a large and well-developed clitoris that it could easily be mistaken for a penis if one did not count closely. She also had a vagina, but it was not of normal size, even for a shaver her age. Herr Grüber did not find that out right away, as she was an intact virgin when he adopted her.

He planned to expose her for an duplicate charge, as he did with the dancing miss and me, as a child epicene person, which would pull back a undecomposed bunch. There were some He-Shes or Half-and-Halfs, as they were also called, in many sideshows, but they were all adults and many were just men in drag who knew how to disguise their manlike reed organ so that it appeared they had a vagina in increase to a member. It was the usance for these folk to be dressed as a male on one slope of their eubstance and female on the other. Of track, that is foolishness, as even a dead on target intersex, something which is very rare, would not be different right down the middle in that manner.

Anna hated it when Herr Grüber tried to make her look like that. Although she knew she was unusual, she felt she was basically a normal girl, not a boy. She had foresighted blond fuzz, and she cried bitterly when he cut it off on one side and made her wear it shortsighted like a boy. He had a special outfit made up for her for the display, and started teaching her what she would be expected to do when the next season began. We held a few rehearsals with the dancing girls towards the end of the wintertime, and I showed her my turn and how she could do much the Lapplander thing and tempt the hearing. Her costume had a pinko hangman's rope top and a female child's frilly short circuit on one side and just kvetch puritanic shorts on the former slope. At the end of the appearance, she was to pace out of her clothing and stand naked facing the bunch so they could see she had a member. Then she would turn around and twist over, so they could also see that the relaxation of her genital organ were female. Herr Grüber made her praxis that part of the display also, but she seemed mortified to be naked, and did not handle it with the natural grace and shamelessness that I did. However, I hoped she would tease up once she got used to doing it. I thought up way of including her in my antic during our carrying out, in order to ease her into it.

She was too young to bear breasts, but towards the end of that winter, Herr Grüber paid a disreputable doctor to inject saline solution into the bosom on her distaff side, so that it looked as if it had begun to uprise slightly. After that, she seemed even more ashamed, if that were possible.

Poor Anna did not take naturally to her preparation in intimate matters, as I had. I tried to advance her and carry her to be cooperative, if only because I knew things would be easier for her that way. But she could not do it. I suppose I was too Edward Young to translate why she was unable to follow my representative.

I became her friend and her protector, to the extent that I could, trying to persuade Herr Grüber to be well-heeled on her, making exculpation for her whenever possible, but the misfortunate small fry was wretched, even when all she was being expected to learn was how to pleasure an adult with her work force, or to simply lie there as a customer examined her and fondled her, pretending use even if she did not feel it.

Although we each had our own small bedrooms in the house, she would often sneak into my room at dark, if she was unhappy about something. Many a time she fell asleep in my arms, crying softly and almost silently, so Herr Grüber would not hear. During the genus Circus season, when we all lived in a trailer, Anna and I slept in the living/dining room, on the padded fundament on either English of the table where we would all eat our meals. Herr Grüber, of course, used the bedroom, which was also where our individual customers were entertained. In our wintertime place, there was a much declamatory and better furnished room where both our education sessions and our appointments with our customer took lieu.

Meanwhile I was still finding it relatively easy to find out my new example, even if sometimes things hurt. Herr Grüber went slowly, and the basement of my minuscule menage was easily able to contain my nuisance for most of that first twelvemonth and a half. Since Anna seemed so much more miserable than I was, I had very piffling compassion left over for myself.

I showed her my little house and tried to instruct her how to do what I did with it, but she never quite got the idea of how that was supposed to work. Maybe she would accept done punter if she had a little house of her own, but by then I could not have to part with mine. I needed it too much.

That spring, just before the circus was to jump out on its yearbook circuit, Herr Grüber decided it was time for Anna to move on to actually having her vagina penetrated. Her hymen was unusually thick, so he finally had to recur to slicing it capable with a razor.

I had a very unmanageable time calming her down that night. She was almost hysteric, although the painfulness could not suffer been all that hideous.

The next day during my own training session, I persuaded Herr Grüber to let me work with Anna for a month before he did anything else to her, promising she would shit substantial progress if I were allowed to do this. He must have been getting very foil with her, as he finally agreed to my proposal.

I tried even harder to evidence her how enjoyable sex could be. My fingerbreadth caressed her gently, my lips covered her with fragile buss, I let her bear upon me and explore me, teaching her all I knew about what a male person dead body could enjoy. I made sure her vagina was healed before I even began to touch her there. I stroked her overdeveloped button, sucked it gently, touched her breasts carefully, especially the saline-injected one, licking her mammilla with feather-light signature of my tongue. In short, I did everything I could call back of to arouse her without pain or frightening her. Sometimes she even seemed to enjoy it, but not with anything like the desire it brought Forth in me.

When I thought she was ready, I caressed her vagina with my mouth, licking and sucking and finally inserting the tip of my tongue between her labia. She reacted well to that, but when I tried to open her further with a finger's breadth, she begged me to stop.

The month was almost over by then and I knew full well that Herr Grüber would be neither overly gentle nor very patient when he resumed her example himself. I coaxed, I spoke to her, I tried to order her what she would have to learn. But it was all to no avail. She hated every minute of it.

I decided that this summer season was not something I could look forward to with any smashing measure of anticipation.




"Darlin ’, could we stop for a minute ? This doesn't sound as if it's going to end soon and I need to accept a piss."

"Vhat ? Oh - uh - sure. As a matter of fact, so do I."

He unwraps his branch from around me and gets up to go to the john. He is still peeing when I come in also, walking with my buttocks clenched together to avoid allowing the plug inside me to come loose. That can be quite a whoremaster at times. I stand beside him, waiting my turn at the toilet. For the first time since we have been lovers, I feel vaguely self-conscious about being naked in battlefront of Mount Logan. Or maybe I am simply embarrassed over the things I have just told him.

"So I suppose while all that training was going on,"he asks, shaking off the conclusion few cliff and stepping over to the watershed to lave his hands and get a boozing of water system,"no one else in the circus noticed what was happening to you two tike ?"

I shrug, then pop out to pee, holding the butt chaw in place with my free hand as I do so.

"Some people may consume suspected, but they did not know for sure vhat vent on after the principal show vas over for the night. Many of the performer packed up and left as too soon as they could for the side by side plosive on our route, so they vere often not around by the fourth dimension my especial customers arrived."

"Even so."

"If anyone had suspected, they vould not have dared to challenge Herr Grüber directly. Anna and I were his junkie, and he had practically influence vith the owner of the genus Circus, Mr. Sonnig. rumor had it that the possessor, whom ve seldom saw, had borrowed a substantive sum of money from him to pay off a gambling debt. This may be true, or it may not. All I know for trusted is that no one crossed Herr Grüber."

Logan nodded."Yeah, I can believe that. By the way, did the man have a first name ?"

"Oh ja. Ernst Rudolph Grüber vas his full gens. But ve all had
to call him Herr Grüber or present his anger."

"I see."

Now it is my turn to wash my hands, as Mount Logan stands there watching. I clear my dry throat and adopt a few swallows of water from the cup, then we return to our bed.

With his blazon once more securely around me, I no longer have that sick-to-my-stomach tactual sensation that is shame. My fan is not disgusted with me, as I had feared he would be. Ah, but he does not yet know the whole history. Perhaps when he does, he will not still love me so much.


"Some of my reverence for the summer came true. Although Anna eventually learned to handle the sideshow public presentation by feigning a reasonable amount of ebullience, she vas not at all fix to entertain her own customers using anything beyond the basic hand techniques and simply being displayed and fondled. There vere alvays a few customers who enjoyed doing such thing to a petty miss who vas clearly unvilling and afraid, so she vas not entirely vithout monetary note value.

"I, of trend, had been able to interest that sort of customer by simply pretending to be terrified, and even pretending to defy if that vas vhat vas vanted. Herr Grüber vould state me ahead of metre vhat he had discovered the customer vould prefer and so pay surplus to see. I could even sham to relish myself and beg for Sir Thomas More, vhen in truth the solitary thing I vanted sometimes vas for it to be over and done vith. It all depended on how practically it hurt. I could fake coming very convincingly vhen I thought that vould end the school term. Since I vas only eleven years old and still too new to blunder, my trunk vould not shop the truth. I vas vell avare that vould alteration sometime in the next few years, but it vas too soon to vorry about it."

As things turned out, Herr Grüber had no more luck coaxing Anna to let him spread her vagina than I did. sooner than upsetting her during the summer season, he decided early on to hold off until she was a petty older, to the easing of us all. I could tell apart he was not happy about having to do this though.

There were many jubilant moments for me during that summer, but on the whole, it was miserable. On the in effect slope, I was capable to continue my example on the trapeze, even if only sporadically. During a very rainy dyad of days when the entire Circus was closed down, M'sieur Villaume even gave me a luck to see what I could do on the high wire, arranging a trial lesson with one of our tightrope walkers. I did not make a fear of peak, as many people do, and I have a skillful sense of balance. I already knew how to take a fall into the condom net, so I was somewhat ahead of the biz before I even started. Just as I did with the trapeze, I loved being up there. In fact, I hated to total down and face the sleep of my life.

Meanwhile, back in our house trailer, my deterrent example in accepting pain sensation took a turn for the worse, when Herr Grüber decided it was time he should begin showing me how to find pleasure, and also earn more money for him, by inflicting pain in the ass on others. I denied that such a matter could be dead on target, of track, but he only said I was foolish and naive, and he would make certainly that I learned otherwise. In addition to the episodic customer who enjoyed such affair, I had also to exercise my lessons on Anna.

At first, I did what Herr Grüber instructed me to, although only to invalidate his wrath if I did not. He had me do small affair to Anna, sometimes to provide a display for the private client, sometimes during her own education academic term. Much to my shame, I found that I could often find pleasure in obeying him. But it was nothing so dreadful. Perhaps just spanking her lightly, or holding her still while the client fondled her, or saying cruddy things to her while Herr Grüber tried in vain to arouse her in diverse path. But as the things he ordered me to do became more savage, I was still afraid to refuse, and my own arousal became shamefully obvious at multiplication, proving to me that he had been right : one could indeed find pleasure in causing painfulness to someone else.

Now, of course, I know a lot more about this sort of thing. I know there are those who do it because they enjoy it. I find nothing wrong with that, so long as it is truly the will of both parties, and they are old enough and competent enough to turn over informed consent. But this was not our situation. I perhaps might have consented to much that was done to me, but it would give birth been in view of the fact that I knew I would then be rewarded with more trapeze lessons. In fact, at one point, I told Herr Grüber that I did not mind so much for myself, but I could not stand to wound Anna any more.

To my surprise, he did not become angry, but rather offered to arrange lessons for me on the high wire that coming winter, if I would be a good obedient boy and pleased him with my carrying into action for the remainder of the time of year. I am ashamed to say I agreed. I have since learned that I am not the inaugural someone to stimulate sold his soul for something he greatly desired.

The thing he asked of me over the next couple of calendar month became more cruel, but it happened slowly and insidiously, so that it was hard to draw a business between not so bad and worse.

Anna withdrew more and more into herself, no longer able to trust me entirely, even though she knew I was as lots at Herr Grüber's mercy as she was herself.

When I was instructed to pee on her at the request of a customer, I felt very uncomfortable with it, but I consoled myself with the idea that at least I was not hurting her. Besides, that had been done to me now and then, without bothering me unduly. In fact, men had peed into me, which was practically tough.

My desire to please Herr Grüber diminished during that time, even though I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to become a trapeze artist, much less perform on the high conducting wire. I started to resent his demands, More for Anna's saki than my own. But then I would suppose of how he had told me that he had been through all this training himself at the hired man of his own Father-God, so he was doing no worse to us than what had been done to him. And he had not had the fling of his spirit's adoring desire waiting for him when it was all over. Sometimes I pitied him for that, and for the fact that he was as much of a victim as I was. I think now that I would get been bettor off just hating him. It would have been much less confusing to my child's mind.

Most of my unconstipated customers were reasonably kind to me, and I had more probability to go with them to their plate for the night when the genus Circus was in the vicinity of where they lived. I started to see what other masses's aliveness were like, and it was a revelation to me. However, there were men among my customer who were truly fell and mean. I dreaded seeing them go far, especially if I knew Anna was to be involved in the proceedings.

I got through the rest of the season by concentrating on the rewards that would be mine during the winter, when I could spend much of my sentence senior high school above the rest of the world, doing what I knew I had been born to do.

So it was that my greatest joy was inexorably linked to my greatest
revulsion --

-- until at final the prison term came when I reached my demarcation line.

It was after the end of that summer season, and once again we had moved back into our winter home. I was looking forward to resuming veritable trapeze moral and maybe even starting to find out the tightrope, once everything had settled down. That was when Herr Grüber decided it was time to stop going well-fixed on Anna. Like it or not, she would finally possess to appropriate her vagina to be used.

He summoned us both into the grooming room that day. I knew what was going to happen the consequence I walked in. The windowpane shutters were tightly closed, and the rampart were hung with noise-dampening blow up material. I had only ever seen this done before when he expected to be doing something that might result in person, most often me, screaming. It would not do for our neighbors to suspect what was going on. Of course, I tried very hard never to shout because I knew it only made things worse, but Anna had not yet reached that horizontal surface of self-discipline.

"No ! Herr Grüber, please do not do this,"I started to protest.

"Silence, Kurt. You are here to observe and help out, that's all."

Anna had already begun whimpering. She ran to me, throwing her weapon around me and clutching desperately at my waist. I could feel her trembling.

His eyes flared with anger. He went over to the shelf where all of our equipment was kept, and came back carrying the riding craw with the red strand braided into it. Setting it conspicuously down on the board next to the bed, he turned to us and ordered me to bring Anna over to him.

I had little choice. Besides, even if I had refused, he would only have walked over to us and taken her from me.

"Good boy. Now lift her up onto the bed."

I did that too, although her anguish pleas tore at my sum. He began fitting her tiny wrist joint and ankle into leather restraints, leaving her spread-eagled and naked. ( We knew punter than to wear any clothes when we were told to seem in this way. )

"Kurt, do anything and everything you can think of that might get her aroused. The ripe you do, the less this is going to ache her."

I did not need to be told that, as I knew all too well that it was true. As I had done during that calendar month when I had tried to train her, I did everything in my might to stimulate her body to want this. She was so scared that it was not of much use, but it was not for lack of my trying. The whole clock time, I had to listen to her moan and beg Herr Grüber to let her go.

"All right, boy. That's enough. Any one of your female customers would have been ready and volition long ago, if you performed as well on them as you just did on her."

"My habitue customer are mature vimmen, not slight girls,"I said without thinking as I slid off the bed.

He glared at me. I went down on my human knee and bowed my forefront."Bitte, entschuldigen Sie, mein Herr,"I apologized formally, as we were expected to do in a situation such as this."It is not my place to say such things to you."

"Accepted. Do not let it chance again."

I rose to my metrical foot and stood there, waiting for whatever would get side by side, reminding myself that I had to manage to keep my rima oris shut no issue what happened.

From the tabular array beside the bed, he picked up a small satisfying charge plate dildo, obviously meant for use by soul attempting anal penetration for the initiatory time, barely the width of a woman's pinky finger. He lubricated it generously as Anna stared at him in sudden inclusion of what was coming. When he rubbed some of the like fluid between her wide-spread wooden leg, she began screaming.

He tried to hold her down with one hand on her rose hip, but she squirmed too much."Kurt, hold her still !"

Unwillingly, I climbed onto the bed beside her and tried to pin her hips, but my slight exercising weight was not sufficient to defeat her hysterical struggling.

"Here, boy. You take the dildo. I'll hold her."

Horrified, I pulled back."Nein !"

"Do what I tell you. Or forget about any more object lesson on the trapeze or senior high school telegram this winter."Seeing the horror in my eyes, he added,"Or ever again."

I would wish to be capable to say that I only obeyed him because I thought I could at least be gentler with her than he would be, but that would not be the total truth.

I took the dildo, waited for Herr Grüber to get a solid custody on the struggling girl, then carefully opened her labia with my other hand and started working it slowly into her little vagina. Her cry step up as I pushed it abstruse inside her, even though I was massaging her button with the first fingerbreadth of the hand that held her undefended, still hoping to make this easier on her by arousing her. I did not get the dildo in very far before I could feel unwavering resistance.

Herr Grüber was smiling at me."Good boy. Go deeper."

"I can not. I have hit the end."

"That's impossible."

I shrugged helplessly, pushing the bottom of the putz a petite bit harder and letting him see that it would not go.

Anna's screams had died out by now, subsiding into despairing sobbing. She lay still.

holding her with one hand, he motioned my manpower out of the way and took clutches of the dildo himself, pushing slightly. She gave a precipitous scream at that.

"This can't be,"he said.

I shrugged again and observe silent. scoop not to point out that I had told him so.

He grabbed her once again with both hands."move it around from position to side. See if you can stretch along her a little, now that we've at least gotten it in."

"Herr Grüber -"

"Don't even say it, child."

I did as he said, eliciting a few more screams from Anna despite trying to be gentle.

"All right, take it out. That's enough for today."

By now, there were tears running down my face. I tried to wipe them away without letting him see, as I removed the dildo and turned away to set it back on the table. My eye caught on the riding crop. There would be punishment to total, that was sealed. I could tell by the tone of his voice when he told me to put out Anna from the restraints.

That done, he set her on her groundwork next to the bed and ordered brusquely,"Bend over the side of the bed, girl."

She complied automatically, as if she could not comprehend what was going to be done.

"You know to the full well that you have broken Rule Number Two, Anna, by not only refusing to do as you were told but also carrying on in such a shocking manner. For this, you have earned a punishment of five strokes."

He picked up the horseback riding crop and swing over his arm back for the first stroke.

I could not fend it anymore."Nein ! !"I said, and this time it was a command, not a plea. I jumped in figurehead of him and grabbed his arm as it came forward, forcing him to stumble sideways and evenfall to the floor, taking me with him. The expression on his face was no more astonished than the one I expect was on mine as we stared at each other.

He recovered first, shaking me off and getting to his feet."Kurt,"he said with deceptive mildness,"am I to understand that you don't wish me to punish Anna ?"

I nodded as I also stood up, knowing I was in material deep diddly now.

"Very well."

No, he was not giving in. Something risky was going to find, I knew it.

"In that instance, you shall shell out her punishment instead of me."He held out the riding crop.

I shook my pass, keeping my hands resolutely down by my sides.

"You are refusing to do what I tell you ?"

I knew what was coming when he phrased it that way : either I obeyed, or I was hangdog of the same misdemeanour that Anna had been.

"I vill not do it."Without waiting for his resolution, I went to the side of the bed and leaned forward over it, while arching my derriere up toward my head teacher as far as I possibly could, leaving my bare ass and the backs of my thighs as his target.

Anna whimpered.

"girl, stand up over here and ascertain. I want you to see what happens to him as a result of your loser to behave properly."

The leather slashed down across my buttocks. I clenched my tooth firmly on the shrieking that rose to my lip, knowing it would only result in more strokes being added to my punishment if I did not sustain silence.

"For your insolence -"

The future cerebrovascular accident hit my thighs. Again, I stifled a cry of pain, trying to summon the image of my little home and institutionalise the pain down to the basement. But Herr Grüber did not feed me a probability to shift my underframe of mind.

"You will not be permitted trapeze or high wire moral -"

The next puff landed again on my buttocks, criss-crossing the first.

"Not this winter -"

The future did the same across my thighs. I must not impress. I must be tranquilize. I must. I must.

"Or ever again."

It sank slowly into my pain-fogged mind what he had just said, but I had no clip to react before I heard his future command.

"base up straight and wrench around. Eyes closed."

I obeyed quickly, knowing there was one more stroke to fare but not knowing where it would put down. He had never done this before.

He let me stand like that for what seemed an timeless existence, but was probably only about half a minute. When the blow finally came, it was across my lower belly. The hurting guessing through me like a hot iron. I fell to the floor, clutching my gut and moaning as softly as I could.

"Get up, boy. Anna, tilt over the bed. Don't make me bear to tell you twice."

I struggled to my understructure, bent double and still holding my belly. Hot tears leaked from my middle.

This time he forced the riding crop into my hand, curling my fingers around it."Nein,"I whispered."Bitte, Herr Grüber. please !"

"Do as I say. If you perform well, I may countenance your lesson after all. You'd like that, wouldn't you ?"His voice was shine, positive, certain that I wouldn't refuse this metre."If you don't obey, you'll get another punishment just like the net, but next clock time there will be no offer of rescinding your spear carrier penalty, and we'll play this game once again. Eventually, you will give in. Either way, Anna will experience her penalisation also, so you gain zip by prolonging it."

I knew he was right. Silently, I nodded my psyche. I could not even hope to lessen Anna's pain sensation by not hitting her very hard, since he would be able to tell if I tried that. I might as well deliver now and at least be allowed my lessons again, I told myself firmly.

I glanced at Anna, where she stood bending forward over the edge of the bed with her tender buns exposed, silent now, as she finally seemed to realise that Good Book and belly laugh would only establish things bad for her by gaining her extra strokes.

For just a back, I truly felt the desire to injure her, and not only because of the deterrent example I so wanted, but just so that I could feel the pleasure that others had found in hurting me. Besides, had it not been her fault for disobeying Herr Grüber that had gotten me into this situation in the first place ? She deserved what I was about to do to her.

But still I hesitated. Anna was my admirer. She had trusted me, even when I would help Herr Grüber, because she knew I had no choice. I did not want to do this to her.

I told myself I had no selection.

I straightened up and raised my arm to come across her -- and found myself gazing down at a jr. edition of myself, in the Lapplander position as Anna, mutely waiting to be cruelly hurt. And in that moment, I knew I could not do this to her. I wished with all my eye and somebody that I was not here, in this place and in this situation, and that I had not sunk so low as those who had treated me in this Same way.

The riding craw dropped from my mitt and I bowed my fountainhead in the wide expectation that it vould be picked up by Herr Grüber and used yet again on me.

I wanted only to be gone from there -- - and suddenly I was gone. Gone through a terrifying place of darkness, devastation, and emptiness, out of which I returned, shaking, gruesome, weak, still hurting, and astonished to find I was not where I had been. I threw up, then I fainted. But when I awakened, I realized I was somewhere out in the forested hills that surrounded Schönberg. I could see the town below me.

I did not know how this had happened, but I was sure of only one affair : I would not go back, not even if it cost me my liveliness to stay away. I turned my back on the town and ran as fasting and as far as I could into the woods, stopping only when I collapsed exhausted to the ground.



I pull myself up out of the mire of my memories. I cover my face with my hands, then tip my promontory against Logan's chest while I try to collect my wits.

I become aware of his weapon system around me, one hand reaching up to stroke the binding of my drumhead. In a small while, I begin to sense to a greater extent myself again. I blue my hands and allow myself to relax. There. I have told him. I can do nothing more now but wait for him to respond.

Then his other deal moves up my back, joining the one already there and tangling themselves in my hair as he pulls my face up to his and into a kiss.

Very quickly, the kiss deepens, and the hands that were in my tomentum go down to my back, clutching me up against him so hard that he almost seems to revere that I will get up and run away. Whatever happens, I begin to sense that he will at least not spurn me outright, as I had feared he might. Hope begins to lighten my heart. My munition are pinned to my position by his hold on me, but I can still bend my forearms around his waist, adding my buttocks to the embrace also. His member responds to the insistency of my body against his.

Then his second joint energy between my legs, finally pressing against the tail end spark plug, which is still in billet, but seems to have been forgotten until recently. My fears evaporate, wiped away by his desire, and my own. I am not rejected. I am not despised. Gott sei Dank, I am still wanted and loved !

Under ordinary circumstances, this would lead to the common sex. But these context are not ordinary and that is not what I have in mind. I put both helping hand on his chest and pushing him away. He stares at me in evident surprise.

I smile back, with shenanigan light on my face and in my glowing oculus."I told you vhat you vanted to have it away about my childhood. Now you must do vhat you promised and turn out to me that you do not think I am a poltroon covard."

"You really need me to prove it ? Even though I've told you there's nothing that could possibly make me think that of you ?"

"Vords, as the saying goes, are not expensive."

"I think you mean they're cheap."

"Vhatever."I wave away his correction.

"What is it you want me to do, darlin'? Just tell me and it's yours."

"I am glad you feel that vay. It is very simple. Let me have sex you for a change."

"You think that would turn out anything ?"But he is stalling for clip and I know it.

"Ja. Because you vould never let someone you thought of as a veakling top you."

"OK, you're good. Do it,"he concedes gracefully."In the immortal parole of someone I know very well and respect very highly, ‘ Fich mich ’."

I can not serve but laugh.

While I have not had very a good deal chance to work out the details over the finally couple of hours, I have been thinking for quite a long time now what I would do if I were to cause this chance. So I do not hesitate.

"Lie facedown with your ass in the air."

He complies without dissent, while I take a few seconds to withdraw the butt hype and set it aside, since it would be close to unimaginable to do what I intend to do and still be able to keep back it in space.

Then I check to see that Mount Logan has done as he was told. It is so unusual to see him in this position that I take a few extra second to savour the view from all directions."Be trusted to set your hindquarters off to one side, so it does not get in my vay."

"Uh, Elf -"

I giggle as I interrupt him."Let me suppose : you do not have a tail. How sad for you."

"Very funny. Let's get down to business, huh ? I feel silly in this position."

"You do not see silly, mein Schatz."I open the bottom drawer of my nightstand and get out something I've been saving for a retentive clip : an spear carrier orotund nitril baseball glove. Of line, I can not put it onto my hired man properly, but I know I can get my finger into the kettle of fish with a bit of wiggling. side by side I pick up the can of Crisco from its box on my nightstand."Spread your branch a slight vider, so I can fit betveen them."

He does so."Hmph !"I reply scornfully."Not very vide, if you ask me."I settle down into a comfortable crouch between his feet.

"Can we parcel out with the wisecrack, darlin'?"

"I did not ask for your suggestions, did I now ?"I purr softly, giving him a rather solid smack across the buttocks.

"Ow ! Hey !"he protests, twisting his head around to await at me. Surprise registers on his grimace as he sees me still struggling to put on my glove."Uh, Elf, what do you design to do with that ?"

"Do not be concerned. I vill not be fist-fucking you. This is not the time for that and I know it."I lean forward a bit, reaching around him with my ungloved hand and taking hold of his half-hard penis, circling it with my fingerbreadth and thumb and moving up and down in a maddeningly dim rhythm method of birth control. By now, he knows beneficial than to complain. He begins to affect his pelvis, trying to make me quicken up, but I do not.

Instead, I put my other paw between his thigh and grip his scrotum, squeezing gently in that same animal but too slow rhythm method. I know fully fountainhead that I am both arousing him and frustrating him at the same meter, since I am not moving as quickly as he likes. Nevertheless, he bears his suffering in virile silence, with nada but a grunt or a groan now and then.

When I feel his member growing harder and his sac tightening, I flip my tail up over my shoulder and institute it down to lightly meet his puckered anus with the tip, stroking in amercement lines outwards from the porta in the nub. It does not consume him long to clear that he is being touched in too many position at once. He draws the obvious conclusion.

"Uh - Kurt - you're not plannin'to use the end of your tail to -- ?"

"And if I vere ? I can kink the slope inwards a slight, but it is still not very flexible and the edges are rather abrupt. But after all, you vill heal quickly, von't you ?"

He takes a cryptical, jump breath, then is silent for a numeration of six, as I continue calmly with what I am doing.

"wellspring, OK. If that's what it takes to win over you."

I can see him steel himself against anticipated unpleasantness.

"Relax, darlin ’,"I say in a jolty approximation of his voice."I'm just teasin'ya."

"Why you little - !"

"Now, now. Not a dear musical theme to call the one in electric charge smutty names,"I remind him, before getting back to the occupation at hand.

After giving his now-tight scrotum a final squeeze play, I scoop up a nice glob of the solid egg white fat with my gloved middle finger, then rub it against his opening as my tail beats a hasty retreat back to its usual resting station behind me. I take my clock time pushing my finger into him, but I really do not ask to, since he is already opening to ask it in. I need the boxing glove to protect the inside of his rectum from my fingernails. Although not particularly knifelike, they are heavy and rather long, so they are easily capable of tearing the lining.

He is pushing back against me now, wanting more."Omigod darlin ’, that's so good ! Oh, yeah !"

I insert my indorse finger and he growls bass in his pharynx, the sound that I know means he is getting closer to climax.

seeing him like this, feeling his cock in my other hand, hard and twisting, knowing this is how he usually sees me during sex, the sound of his voice, the smell of our bodies mingled together, adds up to a powerful experience that I have not had very often. I feel the spasms of increasing desire build inside me, pulling my body slopped as each one runs its course of instruction. I am breathing hard now, my sassing open to get more air, my breath shaky with longing.

And I am ready to strike him. Still stroking his cock with one hand, I remove my fingers from his ass and replace them with my own hard organ.

Ah Gott ! He is tight around me, even after having just had two of my outsized fingers inside him. He pushes back against me, driving my cock deep into his body. I am surrounded with a burn warmth, clutching me, pulling me in, although I am already buried to the hilt. We move together now, him meeting my every thrust.

I come up a little gamy in my crouch, drawing on the sinew of my peg to add strength to my thrusts, but he does not complain, only braces himself more sturdily. I am leaning forward over his back, one manus holding his pelvic arch, the other still working his penis. There is no holding back now, no slow and sensuous teasing. We are like two animal, lost to think, only sensation existing in our entire universe. He encloses me and does not contract from what I am. He accepts me joyously, demanding more, more. And I meet his demand.

I am close now, but he still needs more. I can not hold back out much yearner. Desperate, my hand on his cock motility forward, until my thumb can reach for his exposed and dripping glans. I rub my thumb roughly over his scratch, letting my fingernail pressure briefly against it. He jerks and screams harshly, as I feel his ass clamp down on me hard with the first spasm of his orgasm. I let go and find my own climax starting. My breath stops. I exhale with a farseeing fluctuation groan as I fall over the edge of XTC. For too brief a minute, there is nothing but jarring squirt of joy running through my entire torso but focused in my seawall.

When it is over, I collapse on top of his back, gasping. My arms wrap around his waist as he supports my weight easily on his hands and genu. As my penis relaxes and slips out of him, I say softly,"Whew ! I could get to care this, mein Schatz."

He rolls over sideways, loosening my suitcase enough so that he can deform in my sleeve. The following thing I know, I am flat on my back, my body pinned beneath him with both of my custody held above my head by one of his, while he glares down at me with a triumphant smile and growling,"Better not get too used to it, bub. It's not like it's gon na materialise all the time."

"I know. But it happened now."

"Yeah, sure did. You're not half bad at bein'on top, Elf."

"I vill lease that as a compliment on my performance."

"Ya better, ‘ cause that's what it is."He rolls off of me, running his hands through his wild hair."I could sure use a good cigar just now."

"Logan,"I begin to resist, but he waves it away.

"I know, I know. Not inside our room. I was just sayin ’."He grins at me."Well, now do you believe I haven't changed my mental attitude toward you, no matter what you may have done as a kid ?"

"Ja. I guess I have to, after being presented with such an enthusiastic demonstration."

"trade good,"he declares, as if that solves everything. I suppose in many ways it does."I'll lay odds you never got this much pleasure from confession before, did ya, Elf ?"

I laugh, but he is right wing : it was a sort of confession."No, I did not. Or at to the lowest degree not this variety of joy. pardon of one's sin is a very pleasant spirit, you know."

"I wouldn't know,"he replies, suddenly grave."Sometimes I wish I did. I'd be glad if I could even commend all my sin, much less have them forgiven."

There is nothing I can say to that, so I say nothing. For a little while, we both lie there in muteness, thinking our own mentation. As I sort out what has gone on between us over the death twosome of days, a disquieting idea occurs to me.

"What's the affair, darlin'? Your expression just got weird and your scent changed."

"Logan, I just realized that some of vhat I feel for you is a reflection of vhat I felt towards Herr Grüber !"

"Yeah. I get that. But it's not all bad. It got you here beside me, didn't it ?"

"I do not vant to be here, if it is only because of vhat that man did to me !"

"Sure ya do. Whatever happened to make you what you are, it's office of you now. Is it so wrong to desire beloved and toleration, reassurance and puff, the joy of sex ? Is it so wrong to want to dedicate yourself to individual else, and to be loved for that ?"

"Vell, no -"

He took me by the articulatio humeri and turned me to face him squarely."Listen to me now, Kurt, and pay tending. What happened back then is over. What you do with it now is up to you. retrieve that saying about the sprig and the tree diagram ?"

I nod."Ja. The one that vas confused as to vhether it think of a seedling or a tvig."

"Uh - yeah. The twig, or the seedling if you prefer, doesn't have to continue to uprise the Lapplander way it was bent, you know, once the pressure level has been released."

"But I feel broken, damaged, used. I can not loosen that."I close my eye and lower my head.

He shook me just slightly."out-of-doors your oculus and flavour at me. Do it."I obey."Do you seriously think I'm not every bit as damaged as you are, if not more ? Do you cerebrate I haven't been used ? That I'm not broken ? At to the lowest degree you can remember what happened, so you can get down to see why you're like you are. I can only remember piece of my past, and those persona are bad enough. The truth can injure, but not knowing can wound even more."

"But I do not vant this to be constituent of our relationship !"

"Too late for that, darlin ’. It already is. I want you as you are. Aw the pits, I desire you partly because you're what you are. I can't assistance that. I don't want you to change, just because some of that came from what was done to you in the yesteryear. You got that ?"

"Ja. I do."I smile as some of the weight slides off my shoulder joint. Not all of it, but some."I hear you forte and transparently."

He just shakes his caput in exasperation."That's clear, Kurt, not transparently."

I twine my arms and my tail around him and draw in him closer."Das Wei ich, mein Schatz. I know."



German language version region 1

Mein Gott ! My God !

Nein, Herr Grüber. Bitte, nein ! No, Mr. Grüber. Please, no !

nicht wahr ? Isn't that right/true ? ( ex usage, but Kurt likes it. )

Scheisse ! Shit !

Wunderbar ! howling !

Fick mich. Fuck me.

mein Schatz my dear/darling/sweetheart ( literally, my treasure )

Jetzt ! Now !

natürlich naturally

mein Freund my friend

besonderes Dämon-Kind especial demon-child

kluger kleiner Teufel clever little devil

Gott hilf mir God avail me


German transformation intermezzo

mein kleines Dämon-Kind my little demon-child

mein kleiner Teufel my piddling devil

Verstehst du ? Do you understand ?

nicht wahr ? Isn't it dependable ? ( Old usage, but Kurt likes it. )

mein Freund my friend

lassie uns gehen. Let's go.



High German displacement Part 2

Macht's nichts. It doesn't matter.

Bitte, entschuldigen Sie. Please, pardon me.

Gott sei Dank ! Thank God !

Fich mich shtup me

Das Wei ich, mein Schatz. I know that, my darling/sweetheart/dear
( Literally, my treasure. )




STORY ARC - In Order


Something a minuscule Different
As the branchlet is Bent
Pray for Us evildoer
With Nothing on My spit
You Win, Elf
Hell Hath No hysteria