journal Entry Sep 21, 1911

Today was cold and wet. Went out for a walk of life anyway. The leave are starting to become and the damp makes their color all the more than intense. I so indirect request Jonathan was here to walk with me. I walked longer than I should and was quite chilled when I returned. I am never cold when he is with me.

Diary ingress September 22, 1911

Awoke this morning very tight in my chest. I know it is just a modest over-crowding from too much walking in the rain, but female parent insisted on calling Dr. Judith Jamison. He confirmed my diagnosis, prescribed a day in bed and several Department of State of a cruddy elixir. It was another rainy and cold day so I had little desire to go out in any case. I used the metre to write a missive to my honey Jonathan.

***

Mr. Jonathan Stephen A. Douglas

Hotel Central Room 238

59 East Main Street

Chicago Land of Lincoln

love Jonathan :

I am forced to bed today by a superficial congestion. You know how I hate confinement. But at least I have time to write and that offers much solace. I count the instant till you return and we are forever joined. I can not say enough how happy it makes me knowing that I will soon be your wife.

Yesterday I went for a walkway, in spite of the inclement conditions. I walked up to the necropolis and placed flowers at the entrance to the kinfolk vault where my dear sis Clarissa lies. It is such a lovely spot, especially this meter of year as the leaves cover the Mary Jane with their cover of red, yellow and orange. The branch of a great oak spread head over the entrance, sheltering it. It is such a peaceful, contemplative place, I always feel refreshen when I come. I think it is because, for a while, whatever pains I feel or problem are before me, they seem to thaw to triviality as I contemplate the perfect eternal public security, that Clarissa now knows and that we too will find in God 's own time. I feel her presence so close as I stand there, beside her resting place. She was always so well-chosen, in spite of the frailties that plagued her since nascence. She died two years ago, on the day that will be our wedding day. I still recall how, in her final moments, she took my paw and smiled, whispering `` perhaps, when following we meet, I shall finally beat you at badminton ''. Then a serene construction came to her grimace and she quietly drifted away.

Oh, Jonathan, I do so wish she could be here to share our happy day. Yet I know I will feel her front, smiling down from heaven, so happy for my felicity. On faint subjects, the sign of the zodiac is in a Department of State of such total disarray you would cerebrate the marriage ceremony was tomorrow. Mother is running this way and that, double checking on bloom, food for the reception, fitting for guests, and on and on. I do bid you were here to lend a calming influence.

Oh Jonathan, please promise me that you will let nothing delay your return and that no matter what happens, we will be united on the appointed day.

All my interminable Love

Leona

***

Sept. 23

Bright and sunny, some tightness remains, but my temper is as gay as the bright orange tree and white-livered leaves. Had what should be the final fitting on my robe. I ca n't trust that in only three weeks I will wear it down the aisle and become Mrs. Jonathan Douglas ! Words can not express the joy I feel.

September 24

Awoke this cockcrow with horrible cough. It cleared after a while but the good Doctor ordered me to bed and plied me with more of his awful elixir. He seemed quite grave, the old tomfool. None the less, I am glad that almost everything is ready for the hymeneals, so I can take a few Clarence Day to lie and recover. In only seven sidereal day my beloved Jack returns from his travelling. I count the hours till he can hold me in his arms again.

September 25

This first light was cold and damp, I awoke again with much coughing and smell chilled. It passed by noon but I remained in bed all day, feeling weak and tire. The doctor came, and went again. He was as reassuring as usual, but I noted a touch of concern in his voice. female parent too, seemed a bit uneasy after speaking with him. I, however, am so sure that cipher will interfere with our happiness, that I discount their vexation. I know it is a trivial ailment and I shall be up and about in no time. For the represent I shall bask the luck to rest and head for the hills from female parent 's constant flurry.

Sept 26

Today started much like yesterday, but it was well past noon before felt well enough to sit up and study a little nutrient. The niggardliness in my chest persists even yet. Initially I was glad of the rest, but now I feel jug. The doctor came and went, again, after forcing me to fill to a greater extent of his terrible medicine. I do so wish this ailment would pass. I feel I have so much to do. Heaven forbid that my beloved Jonathan should generate from his journey and find me still confined to my bed.

Sept 27

Today I confronted the doctor about my sickness, upon which his foul elixirs seem to give birth no issue. He tried to avoid the enquiry and say it was nothing, but I could tell he was not telling all and I persisted. Finally his face took on a sculpture locution. He told me he thought I was a strong womanhood who could face up the the true, he proceeded to differentiate me that I was suffering from the Lapplander ailment of the heart and lung that claimed my dear sister. Of path he is a perfect fool ! How could he think such a thing !

Sept 28

Still forced to bed. The soreness seems sorry. It is all so unjust ! That I, a fair sex of such convention vigor, should be struck down in this way. I hate the morbid weeping faces of those convinced of my immanent death ! I hate the whispers outside my door ! What are they hiding from me ? That they are already planning my funeral ? ! The pudding head fools ! I wish they would all pass on well enough alone.

kinsfolk 29

Oh please God ! If this is too be my fate at to the lowest degree let me be united with my beloved on our appointed day. Please give me that lots metre ! Then I can leave this mankind contented in my brief but perfect happiness. I promise to set a good example by my passage as did my beloved sister if only you will give me that much time.

kinsfolk 30

I feel very light today. What fiddling good sense of hope I had has washed away in the slow mizzle that continues to fall outside. Somehow I know that the MD was right, and I shall not be the rarefied exception who survives this disease. My robe was delivered this morning, but it brought little joy to the house, the package sits in the mansion unopened. It all seems so unpointed. The calendar week of planning, all for nothing. I do n't even know why I bother to keep this phonograph record that none will profit by.

October 1

My dearest Jonathan arrived today, and while the circumstances saddened us both, I feel so much better knowing he is here. The sun also returned to light up my elbow room. I no longer hope for retrieval. I can not help but finger the end is close. Yet somehow, today that seems more a blasted relief than tragical end. My alone indirect request is that I come to my end with grace.

Father-God assured me that I would be laid beside Clarissa. He also assured me that, even though Jonathan was not technically a member of the family, they consider him as a son already, and that, should he take, he could be laid beside me, in God 's own time.

October 2

I had the most wondrous dream live on night. I was walking in the cemetery, near the sept bank vault, and there I met my costly sister Clarissa. She was standing by the course, dressed in the beautiful dress in which she was laid to reside. It was obvious that she was waiting for me because, as I approached, she smiled and greeted me, `` Oh, there you are ! ejaculate, I have something to express you '' She lead me to the burial vault and the backbreaking iron room access simply dissolved before us. I followed her in to where three low stone tables stood. The low held a close casket, the second held an open coffin lined with beautiful egg white satin and lace. The third was empty.

'' This is my blank space '' she said, gesturing to the closed coffin. `` Here is yours '', she said, stepping to the empty, open casket. `` And this is for your dear Jonathan, if he so chooses '' `` Come, take your ease '' I stepped up and into the open evacuate coffin, and lay down. It felt so safe, restrained, and peaceful. When I awoke, I was lying on my back, my hired man folded as if I were laid for sepulture. I felt more peaceful and refreshed than I have for many days.

October 3

The undertaker came this morning. I looked through his book and ***********ed a casket. A rather simple design of whiteness enameled wood, lined with satin. He took some measurement, and we discussed the details of the service. I told him that the wedding peak would do for my funeral as well. I told him my wedding gown and veil to be used for my burial garments. I do desire Jonathan to see me in my wedding nightgown, even if it is to be as I lie in my casket. We discussed my funeral as calmly as I discussed my wedding a few hebdomad ago. Only now does that seem strange.

October 4

I feel so weak today, Jonathan has been here with me all day. It is such a comfort to know he is close. The priest came today as well. For a spell we discussed the serving, and what would happen to me. He spoke of the ravisher of Shangri-la, and did his best to re-assure me. Still, I know the end is near, and I am so afraid. Oh God, please ... please ... gift me peace.

***

October 5

Here the diary resumes in another bridge player

I, Jonathan Douglas, take up this journal, that the events concerning the passing of my beloved Leona may be recorded for posterity. Yesterday night she took this from beneath her pillow and pressed it into my paw, saying she could write no more and the depicted object might put up me some comfort. After she had gone to slumber, I did read, and found bang-up quilt in her calmness acceptation of the calamity which has befallen her.

Today I witnessed the handing over, or should I say the glorification, of an Angel Falls, for surely she will be among the fairest of all the bonnie angels in promised land. I pray that I do not blaspheme in this belief.

I was with my costly Leona when she awoke, in much suffering. She was hectic and coughing, and seemed very weak, but then about midmorning a unknown and beautiful calmness came over her, and she seemed aloof as if she was watching something far away. Of all the people in the room, she seemed to be aware of only me. She lay this way for some time, oblivious to all, even the priest who came to say the last-place rite. Then about midday, she squeezed my paw and smiled,

'' Look Jonathan '' she said, `` its Clarissa ! '' `` She 's here for our wedding ! '' `` I knew she would get along ''

Then she turned to me and said `` Oh my beloved Jonathan. Now everything is perfect ! ``

With that she closed her centre and quietly breathed her last. I stayed long by her face, reluctant to let her go.

October 7th

The Mortician has done his duty. He took Leona from us, and returned her this morning.

Now she rests in the front room. My God ! she is beautiful, even in death. She lies there dressed forever in the gown that she should hold worn to our wedding in only three Clarence Day. She seems so peaceful, so felicitous, as she lies surrounded by flush, the Same white heyday that were meant for our happy day. Instead they will grace her grave.

Tomorrow we will take her to church, and thence to the burial vault where she will lie for timeless existence. Her father told me that, there is a home for me there too, should I hope it in time. I feel now that we will be together again soon. For what is a human lifetime in the grimace of eternity ! This thought gives me great peace.

October 11

I pray that this diary may remain concealed for many class that what I record now may not land embarrassment upon my class or the household of any mentioned here. For I have kept my promise to my beloved Leona.

At gloaming yesterday, I went to the crypt where she lies at peace. In my company was the cemetery grounds custodian, who for a few discrete dollars, opened the vault that I might enter. Also in my company was a non-Christian priest, fallen from blessing with the church for his love for various sins of the bod, the extent of which only I know. I swore not to let on my noesis providing that he assisted me and never revealed these proceeding. Upon entering the burial vault I opened the casket holding the earthly remains of my bride, and once again remain firm silent, amazed at her beauty, as she lay so peaceful and still, in all her wedding finery. Next I opened the coffin of her sister which lay beside her, for if my beloved Leona had her like, Clarissa would have stood beside us at the Lord's table as her maid of accolade. Clarissa too, lay as if peacefully asleep, still lovely in her tranquillity, despite the passage of meter since she was laid here.

I stood beside my beloved as the priest read the marriage ceremony vows, holding her cold, lifeless hand. I pledged to withdraw her as my wife, and I answered for her as I knew she would pledge to take me for her husband. With the words `` with this gang I do wed '' I placed the favourable stria on her pale coldness fingerbreadth. And when the priest pronounced us man and wife, I raised the veil from her facial expression and gently kissed her cold exanimate lip. I then bid the priest depart, and remained alone in the crypt with my beloved. I lifted her from her resting place, and holding her close, we slowly turned about the room. Her lovely flannel dress swept the cold stones as we danced our marriage ceremony waltz. My own desire steadily grew as I swayed with her trunk held tight to mine.

When at last the music in my own point came to a closing, I laid her again in her coffin, which was her bridal bed. Not an inappropriate bed I thought, admiring the elegant white satin and lacing on which she lay. Lifting the veil from her boldness, I gently kissed her and caressed her aspect. I stroked her breast, so unwaveringly and cool beneath her satin surgical gown. All the while the passion for her grew in me until I could stand it no longer. Lifting the dame of her attire, to uncover her muliebrity, I opened my pant to expose my maleness. I climbed into the casket and lay atop my beloved, becoming one with her as we would have on our wedding nighttime. Holding her in my passionate embracing, kissing and caressing her cold, still font, I gave her the final gift of our beloved, and left her with something of myself to remain with her for the years. I lay thus with her long after my physical need was satisfy, my head resting on her satin covered tit, gently stroking her silky hair. Somehow I sensed that she was at peace, and for a spell at least, I shared that peace.

The morning time sun was penetrating the minor stained glass window of the hurdle door when I reluctantly rose and separated myself from my beloved. I arranged her garb neatly about her legs and folded her hired hand once again at her waist. From the fragrance around the bier I ***********ed a single perfect white rose and placed it in her hired man. I gave her cold lips a last osculation and gently lowered the silky veil over her face. She looked so peaceable, so serene, so beautiful. It was with great difficulty that I closed the coffin and left her to her Jehovah final relief. The aurora sun shown brightly as I left the bank vault. I was filled with a great common sense of joy that made the day seem all the brighter, for it seemed all around me I sensed the comportment of my beloved Leona. I saw her smile in the dappled sunlight. I heard her laughter in the rustling leaves. I felt her caress in the docile picnic. Together we walked from the place and back to my mundane earthly concern. Yet I know my life, what ever remains of it, will never be the like, for always I will be remembering her with joy, and longing for our final exam perfect tense union

Here ends the diary of Leona Zimmerman Douglas ...