Captain Beckinthwaite 's Bride.

I 'm Captain Thomas bloody Beckinthwaite, from damn Yorkshire and I do n't give a sodomist what you bloody conceive because I bloody speak as I bloody incur.

We had a crashing bad trip back from U.S.A. on Steamship and when we got back to Liverpool I made sure enough me brass were safe and went to see flaming federal agent first thing.

I went in his office.It stunk like a Tarts boudoir with furnishings to match. Agent were a Slimy dickhead with slicked down haircloth and poncy suit. He sat behind this over polished bloody oakwood bally desk about the size of a bally cricket wicket the useless bastard.

"trade good day Captain, I am delighted to touch you at hold up,"he simpered wi'out standing up.

"No thee bloody ent,"I said,"Thee jus wants me governance,"I answered him,"I'm from bloody Yorksire and I speaks me bally mind,"I explained to the ignorant Lancashire twat.

"Er, yes, the brass,"he said awkwardly.

"Ton and a one-half of it,"I said,"Dubloons, pieces of eight, that sort of brass."

"We thought you meant organization,"his assistant chipped in. She was like a little hairy gorilla in a dark attire with a gob like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

"Brass, Money,"I said,"Bloody simple enough even for you bloody ignorant Lanky buggers ent it ?"

"plaque is an alloy of copper color and Tin,"she ventured.

"Clever bitch eh, need to be with a gob like yours,"I advised, `` Ent going to get far wi your bloody looks and that 's a blinking fact..

"How a lot were you asking ?"the slimy one asked.

I told him, showed him chit for it.

"Yes we will pay the asking monetary value,"the slimy illegitimate said rooking me,"The bank check please Miss Rathbone."and they give me it and it were done.

I nipped round bank and paid it in quick. Daft bastard on counter near fainted at size of cheque but I drew out a fair few quid and went about me business.

15 bloody years voyage took, bloody steamship broke down on the way but at live on I had some brass in banking concern and could get along menage instead of scratting troll down Dixieland America way meking a bob or two here an there.

I went to see Harbour maestro what were a married person of mine, we had a chat for a few minute then I asked"Where's slave market, I fancies a nice plump fresh brown one."

"By heck you been away a bloody while,"he said,"Thee casn't have hard worker in England any more."

"You what ?"I demanded.

"Nay,"He said,"They banned slave'ry back in thirty three and anyroad toff got fed up wi novelty an let most of ‘ em go free."

"Bloody heck,"I said,"Where the bloody hell do I find a courteous plump virgin for tonight ?"

"Tonight, Thee'll be damn lucky to determine one in Salford at all, thee'll have to conjoin a nob lad !"he laughed.

I had a think. Go without, risk lady of pleasure sign or marry a nob. Marrying a nob seemed best idea.

I had a think and thought nobs hung out at pouf Hotel so that's where I went, they had dinner fare outside. and it were just after noon so I thought I would have a bite to eat. Now I ent thick or nowt but I couldn't make head or bum o carte du jour so I thought I woud ask waiter. Turns out they has dinner at tea time and noon time was tiffin. Anyroad I had a feed.

Manager arrive up to me and asked me business,"Looking for a nob to get hitched with,"I said,"Posh bint like, got to be everlasting mind."

He got wrong end of peg and suggested a yoke of prostitute house.

"Nay I want a adult female for keeps see, If I pay out a fairly bit and keeps her bloody chained up I have a nasset see, not hold back forking out for whore till I gets bloody clap and me cock rots off."

"You can't go on hard worker anymore, but there's a chap round Inkerman Street does a smashing ambit of chastity smash,"he suggested,"Actually, tween thee and me, that lord wi his binding to us over there's got more girl than you can sway a stick at, why not stimulate him an pass ?"

I looked, some poncy old codger talking to his mates over a sliver of fish and drop o wine-colored that woudn't sustain a bloody church mouse.

"That's ready to hand,"I said giving him a big tip and I sauntered across.

"I hear you got a span of girl to offload like ?"I says direct out.

"And who the hell are you sir ?"he snapped as he stood to confront me,"Have you no decorum."

"What's bloody decorum,"I says,"I ent no menage painter I'm bloody Captain bloody Beckinthwaite from bloody Yorkshire and I speaks me blooming mind."

His poncy nob mates was pissing they selves laughing at me,"Look if its bloody brass section you want I'll pay top dollar, long as she's virgin, two legs, two arms, twosome of bloody tits, her own dentition, hearing and seeing would be a bonus but long as she can perform in bloody bed I ent that bloody fussed."

"I say George,"one of his checkmate, a simpering prat dressed like a good fancy man says,"You might well marry off your Emily if you play your poster right."

"I ent playing no bloody cards,"I said,"Hard cash, I knows too many bloody card sharps."

"I have never been so insult sir,"he says, but his mate grabbed his arm.

"George VI, think, he'll pay,"this chap said,"Instead of a demanding a dowry he'll pay you, you know you need the wonga.

"Ah,"he said,"I understand you now, why not come to my house directly and meet my girl ?"

His poncy mate warned him not to seem too discriminating but as soon as I said I'd pay their tab he agreed.

The gent lived a mile or so from hotel, so we hailed a cab. His place needed a biff of pigment and the Butler's jacket had seen better days.

"Shall I show the, er, valet, to the handmaiden quarters,"bloody sarky Butler smirked.

"No he is a guest, Mr '' the lad explained

"Captain Beckintwaite,"I said,"I'm from bloody Yorkshire and speaks me bloody mind. Know thee's bloody place or thee'll feel me blooming belt hybrid thee bloody ass."

"I beg your forgiveness,"he said all sarky like,"Sir."

Bloody woman turns up,"By heck you're an ugly bitch,"I says,"Hope you ent his bloody daughter, thee'd have to pay me to dig thee."

"This is my married woman Captain,"bloke says,"Lady McGonnegal."

"No offense like,"I says as she belts me round the chop shot, we her dainty hand and half inch long finger nails."Feisty man ent she ?"

"Captain Beckinthwaite indirect request to motor lodge one of our daughter dearest,"the bloke says, I sort of guessed he was Lord McGonnegal, Maker Mc for short.

"Over my abruptly body,"Lady Mc retorted. I drew me dagger.

"cum now we are all friends here,"Lord Mc pleaded as his face went a deathlike livid,"master Beckinthwaite has just returned from a very profitabe dangerous undertaking in the Americas."

"Bloody nightmare,"I said,"tempest, Tempest, bloody tip pee heart bloody mandrel bloody gland bloody blew and I haven't had a bloody shag in weeks."

"Capain please,"Lady Mc insisted.

"I had a bloody gut to the full on't it, blooming merchant marine lark."I said,"Brass is in bloody mining that's what I reckon, senior high bloody clip to bloody reconcile down."

"And you seek to court my girl ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Bloody shag em more bloody like,"I said,"Don't mind bloody paying,"I says,"Just as long as I gets her to me self, don't want no smutty bloody butlers poking on her like thee and he does soon as damn lordships'back 's turned."

Butler blushed near as red as her Ladyship did, I reckoned I had hit bloody nail on't bloody fountainhead, I also reckoned Almighty Mc were in on't as well.

Lady Mc knew when to keep stum so she showed us into parlour."fille,"she says,"Come and suffer Captain er, what is your epithet ?"

"Beckinthwaite,"I says,"From Yorkshire."

The first young woman were knockout, blonde hair on her shoulders, blue eyes, square rigged dress showcasing her titmouse, out of my league, probably been rogered by half the handmaiden, anyroad her scowled at me.

"This is Philomena my 2nd eldest,"Lady Mc explained.

"So who is Mr Beckinthwaite ?"the girl asked.

"Bloody copious and in indigence of a bloody shag,"I said,"I'm Yorkshire bloody Born and bred and I speaks me bloody intellect and you're a knockout and no mistake."

"I speak my mind too sir and you sir are entirely repulsive,"she explained.

Another visual sensation of lovliness followed into the room,"Victoria Falls,"peeress Mc explained,"And my eldest Francis."

Bloody hell, her were no oil painting, well if her was it were by a bloody kid wi a blinking hangover. Wi her short hair and scowling face if it had n't been for her knocker you 'd have thought she were a flaming bloke

"Reet Francis, hedging your damn wager were you ?"I asked.

"How so ?"Lady Mc asked.

"Couldn't tell if it were a fucking fellow or a bloody girl eh, I seen prettier bloody cabin male child, baboons even,"I laughed.

"Good then we are in accord maitre d',"Francis snapped,"You are equally revolting, is that an Albatross draw close in your beard ?"

"Bet bloody suitor are a bit lean on bloody flat coat,"I laughed. She actually looked hurt.

"I have no interest in such matter,"she said.

I thought a bit bloody spry, good chance her were a bloody virgin, if I blew flaming candle out it wouldn't matter what her bloody face looked like.

"Well I reckon you might be just what I'm bloody after. I ent fussed about bloody looks all I want's is me bloody end away,"I said,"Just as bloody long as you 're a damn virgin I ‘ ll piece of tail thee and and wed thee and I can't say fairer than that."

"police captain !"noble Mc protested.

"Phoebe hundred,"I offered,"Guineas, to take her off thi bloody work force and put a ring on her bloody fingerbreadth, make it or will it."

"We really need the money,"dame Mc confessed.

"And you expect me to lay with this monster for money ?"Francis demanded.

"I want's a bloody wife young girl, not just a damn fancy woman to shag, somebody to appear after me bloody sign, cook, clean look after bloody kids, that sort o thing."I ventured.

"No pretext of honey or affection then ?"she asked.

"No, Bloody bollocks is that, all-fired philia, I just wants a all-fired shag, you wo n't do better than that I shan't bloody offer again."I said.

"commodity,"she said,"Then I won't need to say no again, the response police chief is no, never."She stormed away in a bloody strop.

"Feisty patch ent her ?"I queried,"I got the cash,"I said,"If thee view I were bally messing."

Almighty Mc's eyes bulged as I showed a air hole full of gold.

"Take a shabu of wine-coloured maitre d',"he said,"Perhaps."

"Oh no, no way,"the other daughters insisted and they too rushed away.

"Let her cool off down a minute,"Lord Mc suggested,"I have a nice Madera wine."

"Go on then, I'll have a fucking pint."I said. He gave me about enough to drown a bloody mouse, tight fisted sod.

He had his missis go and sort Francis out.

I heard a rumpus,"Get off me !"I heard the female child protest,"Stop it, break off it mother I woukd rather die than marry that dire man."

"Whats bloody on ?"I asked,"I offered a fair bloody price, what's wrongly wi her."

I stood up and went where the miss went, following the sound up the stairs me hobnail boots clattering on freshly svelte oak floors, till I got to her bed room.

The female parent were there with two bedroom maids and the housekeeper. Poor Francis had her apparel off and looked like she been whacked across face with a utterly haddock. Stunned she were.

All she had on were her girdle and knee length stockings, no knee pants or nada but showing her privates and nice creamy thighs.

The mothern and housekeeper grabbed Francis and spread her wooden leg wide,"Take a look maitre d'hotel,"Lady Mc invited with a smirk.

"Get off her you bloody rowdy, sodomist off,"I snapped,"I don't her maulered about by the likes of you. Go on. Get out."

"But senior pilot,"Lady Mc replied but the glint of illumination off me dagger blade soon changed her bloody tune,"farewell them, get out, get out."

"Are you about to polish off me headwaiter ?"Francis asked.

I kicked the threshold shut and bolted it.

"No, I'd toss off your bloody female parent if I was you,"I said as I approached the bed,"Don't choke lass, I never had to push a fucking wench to fuck me in me bloody life."

She sat on the edge of the bed and covered her privates as I approached.

I knelt down bfore her and gently pulled her bridge player away. She shuddered. I gave her a minute.

"Don't fret, I'll not hurt thee."I promised and then first I ran me finger gently up her second joint and then I started to theatrical role her cunt rim with me fingers. It weren't the first time. Her cunt was well used.

"facial expression like you been bloody shagging already ?"I announced

"Oh no, of course of action not,"she insisted,"How can you say such a thing ?"

"Well your bloody maidenhead ‘ s long gone,"I observed,"If thee ent had a all-fired bloke I suppose thee's been fucking thee's sen wi a bloody standard candle then has tha ? Like I caught me bloody sister doing a time or two ?"

"How did you know ?"she demanded.

"I weren't born bloody yesterday,"I explained as I undid me big pirates belt and let me trews dip,"Lets forebode it our footling bloody hole-and-corner shall us ?

"Look master,"she protested but me fingers were no crashing strangers to a doll's snatch and wi me thumb on her little nub her bosom were getting overnice and pointy.

She started breathing heavy

"Bloody fortnight wi out a shag,"I explained,"Can't expect me to stop now lass."I kicked me trews off me boots.

"But Captain,"she protested.

I weren't born yesterday, no right ramming me stopcock at her, I had to be suttle.

I leaned forward and kissed her neck, her weren't expecting it, so I kissed me way down across her tits and on down to her pile. She sort of wriggled. and gasped. I slid back a bit and kissed me way up her thigh boulder clay I got me tongue in the groove between her lips down there.

"Nooo,"she said but I was not to be denied. Her pussy was getting really moist now so I decided it were now or damn never and I stood up before aiming me self at her cunt.

"What's it to be lass, will thee bally take me ?"I asked me knob straining like a bloody Mizzen mast in me hand.

Her eyes were similar saucers, she said nowt but grasped me knob and helped me aim it in her. I pressed a bit and me bloody node end just shot up her soppin'wet bloody puss like an linchpin up a hawsepipe pipe.It were fucking heaven. Right in money box me balls were banging on her crotch,"What the bloody snake pit sizing bloody candle youm been using ?"I asked.

"Oooh Captain,"she simpered,"That's so, ah,"

"Big ?"I asked."See being bloody hump ent so bloody bad is it ?"

"Like a big warm supple candle, Surprisingly pleasant,"she agreed,

"So what's it to be lass."I asked,"Wed me or tek brass for the damn fuck. Once I shot me damn load in thee its for bloody life like, if thee can't breadbasket it say now and I'll shoot me bloody onus over thee belly and say no More about it."

"And the money ?"she asked.

"Fifty ginzo,"I said,"Not bad for shooting me blooming lode over thi bloody belly ?"

"Thank you kindly Captain, but shoot away sir,"she insisted,"For I fear you can not restrain yourself and I believe you have a kind heart under that blunt Yorkshire exterior."

"Thee want's me to scud a dose of hot kindling up thee then, does thee ?"I asked.

She nodded,"Indeed I do,"she muttered,"So do your worst Captain."

Me balls was bloody crinkling and me putz was bloody throbbing and suddenly it were too late for bloody pullin'out and she was well fucked with me juice pumping in her like a dry pint of Newton and Ridley pumping from beer tap.

"How was that then lass ?"I asked when I recovered a bit.

"Surprisingly pleasant Captain,"she chuckled,"Next time perhaps you will bath first so it is less like being ravished by a raving mad boar."

"Bathe be buggered, I fell in bloody Mersey yesterday,"I explained as I pulled out of her,"Suck me bloody cock hard I want's t'fuck thee again. ``

"Only when you have asked me to wed you,"she laughed

"I already did,"I reminded her.

"I think not,"she replied,"But you may take up my mammilla if it help rouse youl."And with that she pylled her bosom right out of her stays and ordered,"Off with your shirt I wish to finger your manly chest against mine."

"You ent got a manly chest,"I laughed,"Quite the bloody face-to-face,"and I pulled my shirt and vest off and held her close. Our mouths met, our lingua entwined. It do n't weigh much what they bloody look like wi your tongue in their gob, so me cock reared and before I knew it we was blinking piece of tail again. Bloody bint was insatiable.

We gave it an minute or so before we went back downstairs. Lord and ma'am Mc was waiting.

"We're getting wed,"I explained,"If you're agreeable like ?"

"Absolutely old gent, congratulations,"Lord Mc chorted,"Let us give birth the interlocking announced in Lancashire evening post.

"bugger that I'm a bloody sea captain, '' I exlained,"We can nip down bloody harbour and I can do damn marriage, no bloody want to liquidate crashing brass on bloody vicars. In fact we can bloody do it now."

Anyway her wanted her day in church so we're getting wed official like, and do you know after we fucked a fourth dimension or two her started bloody smiling at me and her spirit quite bloody comely if you squints a bit when the luminousness behind her. But at end of fucking day its what they fucks like what matters and she's bloody wizard and no bloody mistake even if she is from bloody Lancashire .