Letter to a love. We all have had someone in our liveliness that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our lifespan, others, like me, have lost them.
To my dearest sweetheart,

wellspring, it 's been three days since the last time I saw you. Three old age since I 've heard your laughter. Three years since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most suffering years of my lifespan.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't recollect about you, tattle to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and hope you can hear me. Every time I close my heart, I see your smiling look. There are clock time I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two fourth dimension since you left. It 's just not the Lapp without you to pick on me around the fire. We have n't been out on the four wheel horse either, I kinda miss my underweight picayune passenger. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The last three years, I 've more or less kind of existed. sure enough, I 've tried to move on, find a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. Distance, time, personallity conflict, all have been factors in why null works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my head, or my heart. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a yearn and hefty life, and every sentence he closes his middle, he sees you, to remind him of the hell that he 's caused. '' Trust me sweetheart, I do.

I 'm not certain whom she meant that phrasal idiom toward, but, I do sleep with deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to wound, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my loser on a daily, ground, and for hurting you, I 'm truly sorry.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many ways. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were ground behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the cock-a-hoop intellect was the fact that I truly did sleep with you completely, but, could n't indicate it to you in the powerful direction, our circumstances prevented me showing you my lovemaking. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my situation would get worse, but, more scared that you would actually eliminate my love, which would vanquish what footling spirit I had. There was also a social aspect sweetie, the love I had, was n't socially satisfactory, well, at least toward you hoi polloi would frown. I wanted nothing more than to perpetrate you close, kiss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how companionship works, that could n't happen. I would sustain been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true oceanic abyss love in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing affair now, that I missed then. The little affair, the smiles at just me, even when you were crying. The way your optic seemed to alight up. The times that you 'd desire to spend prison term just the two of us. The random clinch, the episodic `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the footling signs you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to transfer any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many matter differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the pain I caused. It 's my loading, and some days, I truly do struggle with it. The Bible are just parole, i can say `` I 'm good-for-nothing '' a billion metre a day, and it would n't defecate any departure. No amount of `` I 'm sorry '' can bring you back, or take away the painfulness that I 've caused. The sole `` I 'm no-count '' that really matters, is the one cryptical inside of my gist, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That feeling of being alone will be there forever my sweet, because I let you down. I 'm maledict to go the life that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life will never be unscathed again. I will proceed to exist, probably for a very long time, but, I 'll never feel as truly happy as I did. Three longsighted years, is just the first steps into the life that I will extend. That life started June 17, 2011, the journeying will never end. There may be moments of bliss, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my mellifluous sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not for sure that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm glad, and proud to consume shared in your life history for as long as I had, I just wish that I could throw done better.
We ca n't convert our past, only hope that our past does n't put down our future tense. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may have seen it as a different type of love, I 'm sorry for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to hold back on to your retention. I love you, and have loved you for a very long clip, I just wish I had been smart enough to show you.


Lovingly,

Chris