Blagthorpe, Yorkshire, England 1886. Finest pit int'whole world.

Life were laborious back then

I were standing by flaming in pit head spot watching our eldest Lucy shovelling coal into railway wagon, as fast as any man. By eck, I thought, what a lass, and that's when I had a notion.

I'm H Blagthorpe, They calls me Lord Blagthorpe, or that son of a bitch Blagthorpe. I own pit and village of Blagthorpe as it happens, I has a report you see.

I married a widdow, Elsie Sugden. Her had a kid already, Lucy. I says get hitched with, we never wasted administration on church or nothing. Every bit of administration went into business.

Useless gripe she were and all. 7 bloody giirls her popped before her shout plenty and went to log Z's in spare room, well one of em, I had twelve bedrooms at last count.

I went outside to have a word,"Eee lass thee's fit."I says to our Lucy.

"What's this chatting up thee daughter, he'll be in thee knickers next,"English cocker spaniel Drayton joked.

"Button it English cocker spaniel,"I says,"I means she's strong as any feller,"I says.

"fountainhead don't go geting any mind,"Lucy snapped,"I told thee I'll not cook and clean for thee, nor go down pit, I'd rather go down whore house."

"feel here, thee'd frighten blokes pudden-head, now if thee's got any sense thee's sell the honor to gamy bidder."I suggested.

"And how much would you offer ?"she asked.

"fivesome bob,"I laughed.

"Done, I'll tell our mam."she grinned and went back to shovelling. She must have been hot as she had her shirt undone and thee could see her whatsits swinging as she shovelled.

I got home after iniquity. tabular array was set. Tea was cold as always. Elsie was bloody miserable as always.

"For half a damn crown I'd send the lot of thee to workhouse,"I joked to lighten mood.

"For half a crown I'd bloody go,"Elsie said moodily.

"Mam our Dad offered five bob for me honour,"Lucy blurted out as she washed the coal dust off her while stripped to the waist by kitchen sink.

"Some damn hopes it must be long gone,"Elsie snapped.

"No, no sod's had me our mam, ent no one as I fancy,"Lucy said,"Except Daddy."

"Now hang on I were jesting,"I said,"Thee's me daughter."

"So why am I working in pit not at some poncy finishing schooling or some such ?"Lucy asked.

"I don't want thee cavorting with nobs, I wants thee,"I said,"I wants thee close at hand so I can look after thee."

"So no early bugger has me,"she challenged,"You want's me for thee own, for thee whore !"

She stood there, whatsits hanging out, the teat all stood up, fount and hair all black, and it hit me."I reckon thee's right."I said. I had a think,"Thee's old enough, there ‘ ent nowt but good manners for keeping thee around as thee ent mine so there ‘ ent no grounds we shouldn't is there."

"I'd snap thee trivial dick in half,"she challenged wi'her eyes ablaze.

"Go and fuck the piddling bitch,"Elsie said,"Then chuck her out ungrateful mare."

I found a golden guinea,"Here thee are then,"I says as I handed it to her,"Get thee kit off."

"I suppose you want's change ?"she said.

"Nah prevent it,"I said. Our Elsie near fainted, she were so shocked by me generosity.

"Da,"Lucy says,"Can we go somewhere more buck private ?"

"Nay, bugger it, me saps up,"I says,"curve over table our Lucy I'll poke thee from behind."

Our Elsie made a blank space and Lucy dropped her mans breeches what she wore and bent grass over table.

Her char 's parts was all garden pink and moist and me tadger was straining fit to bust so I had me belt undone and me kecks round me ankles afore you could say"Ee Bah Gum."

It were favorable he were straining as her thingy put up a fight as I went to jab her, I had to hang on to her whatsits to get a bit of purchase like, but all of a sudden it gev way and I were bollock deep inside her undergarment. Her moaned all satisfied like as I poked away at her.

It was bloody champion, her seemed to savour it as well. I enjoyed me self like I hadn't for bloody historic period. In the end when I shot me bolt I were bloody knackered.

I sat down. Our Elsie pushed me tea in front end of me. It were cold, bloody inedible like. I flung it at her,"Am off down bloody chippy, you coming our Lucy ?"

"What about us ?"Elsie whined.

"Thee made bloody muck, thee can bloody eat ont,"I told her.

Our Lucy pulld her knickerbockers up and that and off we went.

They were shocked to see I down Chippy, They let us go first in queue on report of none of ‘ em wanted the sack.

"Two Haddock and a bag o'chips,"I says,"And what ever thee's having,"I gestured towards our Lucy.

"I'll have a meat pie,"Lucy says,"The big un, what sort of meat is it."

"Horse,"Chippy said,"Thee Faither lets us ingest pit ponies cheap when they're knackered."

"Jehovah Blagthorpe to thee, any road cycle she ‘ ent me girl no more ‘ causal agent I been poking her and she's mine now."

"Not till you put a mob on me feel I ent,"Lucy says,"You ent me dad, you ent me nil,"

"Bloody blaze girl,"I says,"Thee don't bent around do thee ?"I thought a mo. She were fit, healthy, why she had a near than middling prospect of bearing me a son. Me mind were made up.

"Marry me then our Lucy !"I says.

"‘ course of action I will,"she says,"Lets nip off down vicarage and set things in motion."

"sod me tha'don't bent about.|"I admitted.

"I had a upright teacher,"she smiled.

We picked up us snap and headed off down vicar's place.

Vicar bloody near had a fit,"But she's your daughter !"he whined.

"Step daughter,"Lucy reminded him,"Him and me Mam ent married any road and me one-half Sister is all bastards."

"I wouldn't call all of em by-blow, bloody irritating mebe,"I confessed.

"She means technically,"the Vicar said helpfully,"So there is a lot to orchestrate, prime, Alexander Melville Bell, choir,"

"That's testicle is that,"Lucy says,"No efflorescence, no bells, no choir, no bloody visualise dress, just call up the Banns, marry us part way through sunrise service and then us can get started on a son and heir for pop, I mean for Henry."

"Are you sure ?"I asks.

‘ trend I'm sure,"Lucy insisted,"I know thee making love brass more than anything so I ent going to take up off by riling thee am I ?"

I were shocked to the meat, she understood me in a way our Elsie never did. Elsie always wanted new clobber long afore the old were wore out, her'd of require blossom and the whole bloody shebang.

We went back place, I expected Lucy to bunk in along with I but her said not cashbox us was wed so I had to make do with Elsie and her simply let me poke her backside.

triplet week later we was wed. Bloody infernal region did I know it. I were bloody knackered. Her wanted it morning noon and night, afore break fast, during morning fag break, snap clip and after tea as well as bed time.

"You'll give me kernel plan of attack !"I protested as she jumped on me thingy for the second time in an hour in pit office wi clerk and that trying to wait t'other way.

"And all thee clobber will be mine,"she said her eyes ablaze.

"Ah, so that's thee program,"I agreed as her bounced up and down on me thingy which were unfaltering as a pit prop,"So what u'd thee change if I popped me clogs ?"

"kick our bloody Mam out for a start, and me damn sisters,"she said,"Get a decent theater what's loose to go along clean and fond William Christopher Handy for pit."

"And,"I says as her bounces up, down and sideways on me thingy, pleasuring her sen.

"Get me self a fit gent what can roger me sideways all day and all night."she said wistfully.

"He'd have thee fat we child afore thee knowed,"I assured her,"But thee has a head, what bloody use is thee Mam except when thee has womens thingys and I can't have thee. chuck her out and the kids, send em down piece of work house."

"You indurate bastard !"she said,"They're your bloody kids."

"Not a shit o good none of em,"I admitted,"e should kick the bloody lot out."

"Thing is,"Lucy said,"If we moved in that nice three bed down Abbotoire Road as I got me eye on."

"Yes ?"I said,"We could let big business firm out as apartment, send the sr. girls down pit, lend young to chimney sweep, and set our Mam up in her own working girl sign of the zodiac and charge her rent."

I were gob smacked. I shot me lode in impact."Bugger me our Lucy,"I says,"Why the ‘ ell didn't I think of that !"

"Yer gettin'old, and I had a good teacher,"she happily as she climbed off me and wiped her sen on set back fabric."Now have a bit of a kip, I'll be back for more in half a mo !"

Her went back to shovelling.

"Her'll have thee in early on grave you mark my Holy Writ,"Cocker Drayton tribal chief shop assistant muttered.

"I die well-chosen,"I answered,"Then mebbe her'll fuck thee ?"

He went quite pale.

"I'm bloody joking you wazzock !"I taunted him.

He bloody fainted. Said it were stupor of me cracking a joke, kickoff fourth dimension in the 20 geezerhood he 'd worked'for me.

Its bloody funny what honey does to thee .