Nozzer's beginning Gay sex.

It's humour not hard core.

We was down the Flying Horse sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the lucifer looking for a few away supporters to remind them that their squad may be better at kicking lump but we was better at kicking bollocks if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on form. He kept gasping for breath and sweating and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Frank Philip Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a turn in, It was getting late, folk was leaving."Keep the change,"I says.

"What variety you owe another ten Irish punt fifty dollar bill,"the know it all director shouts earning himself a good kicking the next dark rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us table with nine dry pint and a bundle of pork scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to flash her mammilla, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her cleavage, could birth seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weight recently.

"What you do'in'after lads ?"she says,"Only we thought about a lock in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me hair maybe, and there's summat effective on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"Rocket Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat good with sixty bloody groove,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just drop down them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer founder to loose it up."Mikey suggested.

"penury summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now poor old Nozzer couldn't obtain his beer. Ten dry pint was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the route when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how queers started,"I said,"Some poor bastard couldn't shit so his checkmate buggered him to untie it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the lounge bar where respective sharply dressed blokes was sat round. I knew one of them, tool"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything Chalk,"Nozzer said through a haze of booze fumes,"Anything."

I went into the lounge, They was all there, gay as fuck, all sharp courting and that. One had a clothes on. Lovely tincture of pink, pity he hadn't had a shave for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my mate fancies you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, Vice pope Eric or the Prince of heavyweight ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit loose tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly cock up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"Well it used to be think of ?"I said,"When you used to get a hard on in the shower bath ?"

"Oh,"he said,"fountainhead what did you expect all those slippery well toned masculine bodies just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fondness batting for your side or at to the lowest degree having a trial,"I says.

He stared me rightfield in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll movie it on me telephone set, sell it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the ignition lock in."

"forty / 60"I says.

"No, I'm happy with one-half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me place and William Tell Nozzer,"Turns out Nige fancies you so its all set up for lock in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

curl in started around 11, Sandra locks and bolted the door, hung her bloomers on the door node and started selling durex at ten quid a throw before she sat on the billiard table, legs paste wide and started wanking with a bottle of Newcastle Brown. Newcastle Robert Brown I ask you ! No class that bint, she had empty Champagne-Ardenne feeding bottle and Stella, even blow but no she had to use Newcastle-upon-Tyne Brown University. Still it contrasted nicely with her bright pink pussy lips.

Thing was she had no takers ‘ effort everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the chap had their sound out and the other lot, them what batted for the other side, had their cocks out wanking.

Nozzer had his trousers down as he bent over the Billiard mesa, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum cleavage when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Levi's and M & S Wye fronts round his ankle while Nige hauled his cock out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a Nice shade of Green if I remember powerful. He had a veracious fuckup. Mine would hold turned inside out and done a stolon if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

individual splashed some lube over Nige's putz, I say lube, it might have been gear box oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to business sector, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining greens covered member eased into Nozzer's puckered virgin asshole.

Nige beamed with the delight of the slopped orifice slowly easing undefended from the unfaltering pressure of his rampant phallus, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the shank for more purchase and grunted with the effort. Beads of sweat broke out on his brow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's hammer hung down like a wizen white turnip. The dick in his ass felt estimable, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this time he slid in a lot well-to-do, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to chuck up ten pints of Stella and a crybaby Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige thrust in but something was pushing back. His feet began to slip. His peter was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the stuff of nightmares. Hs stopcock was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's fundament by the dreaded shit python.

"For fuck sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his pants and landed on his back.

The python stuck its Robert Brown head out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a solid shaft of shucks oozing from his tight puckered ass hole.

"Wow man that's hit the spot, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine giant shit Python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the floor like a big brown Snake coiled up set up to strike."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

poor old Nige was in mellow out down."Jesus !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took shame on him she expertly peeled off his condom using an interior out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh poor Nige,"she says. She helped him to stand up and kissed him on the noggin,"Come to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a wink of breathing in, she popped her left tit out for Nige to suck on.

"Never mind mummy loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"mummy has a special front bottom so you can make out her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog roll. Sandra was ordering no one in particular to cleanse the shit up, and Nige was getting an erection again.

"Want to put your big thingy in Mummy's nice front nates ?"Sandra asked in a stupid voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a fresh durex on Nige's shaft. She eased around and set over the edge of the snooker mesa and reaching between her legs she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling cock towards her pussy. Nige eased into the unfamiliar warm slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so little impedance, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his shaft with well practised cunt muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to shoot his load.

Nozzer was enraptured."Man that was the salutary darn ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would hear,"I reckon I might turn gay me self if its that good,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are vulgar,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to shit,"Tommy Hunt says reasonably.

"rightfulness,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the pee-pee first mate,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his condom full of spunk and his face absolutely white,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girlfriend mate,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five quid by the way."

"Ghogof week,"I says,"Give her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No need to take the piss."

Not the most sensitive of answer anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a tenner was the usual complaint.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and next bloody matter he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker mesa and her base on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's spouse were staring in disbelief, they couldn't get their heads around it. Nige fucking a shuttle. I forgot to film it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any road, so we all had a few more bevvies and went home. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about mode and women's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every time he saw an ass hole he imagined a turd Python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a nice few quid pro quo out of Nige and every gay fellow in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal cured his constipation .