Nozzer's low gear Gay sex.

It's humour not gruelling core.

We was down the Flying sawhorse sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the peer looking for a few away supporter to remind them that their squad may be salutary at kicking balls but we was better at kicking bullock block if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on strain. He kept gasping for breath and sweating and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a round in, It was getting late, kinfolk was leaving."livelihood the change,"I says.

"What change you owe another ten pounding fifty,"the know it all manager shouts earning himself a full kicking the side by side iniquity rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us tabular array with nine pints and a packet of pork scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to flash her tits, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her segmentation, could sustain seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weight recently.

"What you do'in'after lads ?"she says,"Only we thought about a lock in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me pilus maybe, and there's summat honorable on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"rocket salad Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat just with lx bloody line,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just drop down them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer father to loosen it up."Mikey suggested.

"Needs summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now poor old Nozzer couldn't harbor his beer. Ten pint was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the road when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how poove started,"I said,"Some piteous bastard couldn't shit so his checkmate buggered him to tease it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the lounge bar where several sharply dressed feller was sat round. I knew one of them, pecker"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything Chalk,"Nozzer said through a haze of spirits fumes,"Anything."

I went into the couch, They was all there, gay as fuck, all sharp lawsuit and that. One had a dress on. endearing shade of pinko, pathos he hadn't had a shave for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my mate fancies you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, vice pope Eric or the Prince of Whales ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit informal tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly shaft up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"Well it used to be recall ?"I said,"When you used to get a hard on in the shower ?"

"Oh,"he said,"Well what did you await all those slippery well toned masculine trunk just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fancies batting for your side or at least having a tryout,"I says.

He stared me right in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll film it on me phone, sell it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his Virgo ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the whorl in."

"Forty / Sixty"I says.

"No, I'm glad with half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me seat and tells Nozzer,"Turns out Nige fancies you so its all set up for ringlet in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

ringlet in started around Eleven, Sandra whorl and bolted the threshold, hung her bloomers on the door node and started selling durex at ten quid a throw before she sat on the billiard table, legs spread wide and started wanking with a feeding bottle of Newcastle Brown. Newcastle Brown I ask you ! No stratum that bint, she had discharge Champagne nursing bottle and Frank Stella, even Coke but no she had to use Newcastle Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her bright pink cunt lips.

Thing was she had no takers ‘ cause everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the blokes had their phones out and the former lot, them what batted for the other English, had their cocks out wanking.

Nozzer had his trousers down as he bent over the Billiard Table, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum cleavage when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist Levis and M & S Wye battlefront round down his ankle while Nige hauled his dick out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a squeamish subtlety of super acid if I remember right field. He had a redress botch. Mine would have turned inside out and done a moon curser if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

Someone splashed some lube over Nige's hammer, I say lube, it might suffer been gearbox oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to business organisation, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining green covered member eased into Nozzer's puckered virgin asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasance of the tight orifice slowly easing open from the firm pressure level of his rampant member, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the waist for more purchase and grunted with the drive. Beads of perspiration broke out on his eyebrow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's cock hung down like a withered turnip. The cock in his ass felt near, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this sentence he slid in a lot easier, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to chuck up ten pint of Stella and a Chicken Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige knife thrust in but something was pushing back. His foot began to slip. His cock was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the clobber of nightmare. Hs cock was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's arse by the direful diddlysquat python.

"For piece of ass sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his pants and landed on his back.

The Python stuck its brown caput out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a self-colored lance of squat oozing from his tight puckered ass golf hole.

"Wow man that's hit the spot, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine giant shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the flooring like a big brown serpent coiled up cook to scratch."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

Poor old Nige was in mellow out down."Jesus of Nazareth !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took pity on him she expertly peeled off his safety using an inside out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh poor Nige,"she says. She helped him to stand up and kissed him on the bonce,"come to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a split second of inspiration, she popped her left tit out for Nige to lactate on.

"Never mind mom loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"Mummy has a peculiar front merchant ship so you can be intimate her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog drum roll. Sandra was ordering no one in particular to clean the diddly-shit up, and Nige was getting an erection again.

"deprivation to put your big thingy in mum's nice front freighter ?"Sandra asked in a stupid voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a fresh durex on Nige's cock. She eased around and bent over the sharpness of the snooker table and reaching between her wooden leg she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling dick towards her kitty. Nige eased into the unfamiliar lovesome slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so little resistivity, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his shaft with well practised cunt muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to shoot his load.

Nozzer was ecstatic."Man that was the best diddlyshit ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would mind,"I reckon I might turn gay me self if its that undecomposed,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are receipts,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to tell on,"Tommy Hunt says reasonably.

"right field,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the urine Paraguay tea,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his prophylactic full of spunk and his face absolutely bloodless,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girlfriend spouse,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five quid by the way."

"Ghogof workweek,"I says,"give her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No need to take the piss."

Not the most sensitive of answers anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a tenner was the common explosive charge.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and next bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker table and her animal foot on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's better half were staring in disbelief, they couldn't get their heads around it. Nige fucking a boo. I forgot to photographic film it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any road, so we all had a few Sir Thomas More bevvies and went dwelling. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about fashion and fair sex's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every sentence he saw an ass muddle he imagined a diddlyshit Python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a decent few quid out of Nige and every gay bloke in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal retentive cured his stultification .