letter of the alphabet to a love. We all have had someone in our life that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our life, others, like me, have lost them.
To my dear sweetheart,

well, it 's been three old age since the live sentence I saw you. Three eld since I 've heard your laugh. Three yr since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most miserable years of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't conceive about you, talk to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and hope you can hear me. Every time I close my eyes, I see your smiling grimace. There are times I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laughter across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two sentence since you left. It 's just not the same without you to pick on me around the fire. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda lose my skinny little passenger. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The net three long time, I 've more or less sort of existed. Sure, I 've tried to make a motion on, regain a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. Distance, time, personallity conflict, all have been agent in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my capitulum, or my heart. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a hanker and healthy life, and every clock time he closes his middle, he sees you, to prompt him of the netherworld that he 's caused. '' Trust me beauty, I do.

I 'm not sure whom she meant that musical phrase toward, but, I do know deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to hurt, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my failure on a everyday, foundation, and for hurting you, I 'm truly regretful.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many ways. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were cause behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest grounds was the fact that I truly did sleep together you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the redress elbow room, our luck prevented me showing you my lovemaking. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my post would get worse, but, to a greater extent scared that you would actually turn away my making love, which would crush what minuscule spirit I had. There was also a social expression sweetie, the love I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at to the lowest degree toward you people would lour. I wanted nothing more than to rive you close, buss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that could n't chance. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true deep honey in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The minuscule things, the grin at just me, even when you were crying. The way your heart seemed to light up. The times that you 'd want to spend clip just the two of us. The random hug, the occasional `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little signs you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to repent for the pain I caused. It 's my encumbrance, and some daylight, I truly do struggle with it. The Son are just words, i can say `` I 'm good-for-naught '' a billion times a day, and it would n't make any difference. No quantity of `` I 'm sorry '' can bring you back, or aim away the pain that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm sorry '' that really matters, is the one late interior of my marrow, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That feeling of being alone will be there forever my Sweet, because I let you down. I 'm damned to be the life that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My life will never be whole again. I will continue to live, probably for a very long time, but, I 'll never experience as truly well-chosen as I did. Three long geezerhood, is just the initiatory dance step into the life that I will guide. That life started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be consequence of cloud nine, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I call back what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sugariness sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally thankful to you. Either way, I 'm glad, and proud to hold shared in your life for as long as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't interchange our past, only hope that our past does n't destruct our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may possess thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may have seen it as a unlike type of love, I 'm good-for-nothing for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to hold on to your remembering. I love you, and have loved you for a very long prison term, I just like I had been smart enough to testify you.


Lovingly,

Chris