alphabetic character to a dearest. We all have had someone in our life that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our life sentence, others, like me, have lost them.
To my pricey sweetheart,

fountainhead, it 's been three years since the net time I saw you. Three yr since I 've heard your laugh. Three twelvemonth since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most miserable years of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't think about you, peach to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still talk to you and hope you can get word me. Every time I close my eyes, I see your smiling face. There are multiplication I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two time since you left. It 's just not the same without you to break up on me around the attack. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda miss my tightly fitting picayune passenger. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The endure three years, I 've more or less kind of existed. certainly, I 've tried to make a motion on, see a new relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. space, time, personallity conflict, all have been element in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my head, or my heart. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a yearn and intelligent life, and every clip he closes his eyes, he sees you, to remind him of the snake pit that he 's caused. '' Trust me steady, I do.

I 'm not sure whom she meant that phrase toward, but, I do know deep down, I 'm at least partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to hurt, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my unsuccessful person on a casual, basis, and for hurting you, I 'm truly sorry.

I 'm sorry that I let you down in so very many ways. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reasons behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest reasons was the fact that I truly did have it off you completely, but, could n't show it to you in the right room, our circumstances prevented me showing you my erotic love. I know, it 's no alibi, I should experience found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my site would get forged, but, more scared that you would actually reject my dear, which would crush what little look I had. There was also a social aspect dish, the love I had, was n't socially satisfactory, well, at least toward you mass would frown. I wanted nil more than to pull you close, kiss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that could n't find. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a honest deep love in my bosom

I 'm learning More every day, seeing affair now, that I missed then. The little things, the smiles at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eye seemed to light up. The multiplication that you 'd require to drop sentence just the two of us. The random hugs, the casual `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in movement of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little signaling you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to convert any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the hurting I caused. It 's my encumbrance, and some days, I truly do struggle with it. The Bible are just words, i can say `` I 'm no-count '' a billion times a day, and it would n't pee any difference. No amount of `` I 'm sorry '' can work you back, or require away the pain that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm distressing '' that really issue, is the one deep interior of my heart, that I hope that you can feel, and hear when I talk to you. That spirit of being alone will be there forever my sweet, because I let you down. I 'm doomed to live the life that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My biography will never be whole again. I will continue to be, probably for a very long sentence, but, I 'll never sense as truly happy as I did. Three farseeing years, is just the first footfall into the life that I will conduct. That life started June 17, 2011, the journeying will never end. There may be moments of bliss, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm glad, and proud to have shared in your life for as long as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't convert our past, only hope that our past does n't destruct our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may have thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may throw seen it as a unlike type of love, I 'm no-count for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to defend on to your computer storage. I love you, and have loved you for a very long time, I just bid I had been smart enough to demonstrate you.


Lovingly,

Chris