letter to a love life. We all have had somebody in our life that we'e truly loved, some of us still have them in our life, others, like me, have lost them.
To my love sweetheart,

fountainhead, it 's been three year since the last sentence I saw you. Three twelvemonth since I 've heard your jape. Three years since I 've given you a hug. Three of the longest and most miserable class of my life.

There is n't a day that goes by that I do n't imagine about you, talk to you, even though you 're not physically there, I still spill the beans to you and hope you can listen me. Every time I close my middle, I see your smiling face. There are times I 'll be out, and swear I hear your laugh across the room.

I 've been camping one, maybe two times since you left. It 's just not the Lapplander without you to plunk on me around the fire. We have n't been out on the four wheeler either, I kinda misfire my tight fitting little passenger. I have n't been out fourwheeling either, that was supposed to be `` our day '' we had planned, that never happened.

The lowest three eld, I 've more or less kind of existed. sure enough, I 've tried to move on, regain a new family relationship, but, something always falls apart, or gets in the way. Distance, time, personallity conflict, all have been broker in why nothing works out. Try as I might, I ca n't get you out of my head, or my mettle. I 'm reminded of something your mom said, the day we buried you .... `` I hope he lives a long and goodish life, and every time he closes his center, he sees you, to remind him of the hell that he 's caused. '' Trust me ravisher, I do.

I 'm not sure whom she meant that phrase toward, but, I do have it away deep down, I 'm at to the lowest degree partially, if not wholy, responsible. Never once did I mean to injure, or neglect you, apparently, I failed miserably. I pay for my loser on a day-to-day, basis, and for hurting you, I 'm truly bad.

I 'm no-count that I let you down in so very many slipway. Not supporting, and caring enough. There were reasons behind it, some of which you knew, others, I 'm just learning myself. One of the biggest reasons was the fact that I truly did love you completely, but, could n't indicate it to you in the right ways, our condition prevented me showing you my love. I know, it 's no excuse, I should have found the way to do it properly, but, I was honestly scared. Scared that my situation would get sorry, but, more scared that you would actually reject my love, which would crush what little spirit I had. There was also a sociable panorama beauty, the love I had, was n't socially acceptable, well, at to the lowest degree toward you citizenry would lour. I wanted nothing more than to draw out you close, kiss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that could n't bechance. I would experience been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a on-key deep love in my heart

I 'm learning more every day, seeing thing now, that I missed then. The little things, the grin at just me, even when you were crying. The way your center seemed to light up. The clock time that you 'd require to spend time just the two of us. The random hugs, the occasional `` I love you '' when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little preindication you had given me that I would n't be rejected. But, sadly, it 's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many thing differently.
I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to abye for the pain I caused. It 's my load, and some 24-hour interval, I truly do struggle with it. The words are just words, i can say `` I 'm drab '' a billion times a day, and it would n't form any difference. No amount of money of `` I 'm sorry '' can add you back, or take away the painfulness that I 've caused. The only `` I 'm sorry '' that really topic, is the one rich inside of my heart, that I hope that you can sense, and hear when I talk to you. That feeling of being alone will be there forever my sweet, because I let you down. I 'm cursed to live the life that your mom had mentioned, alone, and regretting not showing you how I truly felt.

My liveliness will never be unit again. I will continue to exist, probably for a very long clock time, but, I 'll never feel as truly felicitous as I did. Three retentive eld, is just the first footmark into the life history that I will lead. That life story started June 17, 2011, the journey will never end. There may be moment of bliss, and happiness scattered in there, but, forever will I remember what I caused. I truly am so very sorry my sweet sweeth Kaitlyn, I pray that one day, you can forgive me. I 'm not sure that you can, or will, and, if not, I do understand. If you do, or can, I 'm eternally grateful to you. Either way, I 'm happy, and proud to have shared in your life for as farseeing as I had, I just wish that I could have done better.
We ca n't change our past, only hope that our past does n't demolish our future. When I told you that I loved you, you may possess thought differently than I did, I love loved you, where you may have seen it as a different type of love, I 'm sorry for never telling, or showing you how I loved you. Who knows, if I had, maybe you 'd still be physically here instead of only having to halt on to your memory. I love you, and have loved you for a very long prison term, I just wish I had been smart enough to record you.


Lovingly,

Chris