Nozzer's first Gay sex.

It's humour not hard magnetic core.

We was down the Flying Horse sinking a few bevvies. We'd been down the match looking for a few away supporters to cue them that their team may be easily at kicking formal but we was better at kicking ball if you see what I mean.

Nozzer weren't on physical body. He kept gasping for breath and sweating and that. I figured he been on the curry again, anyway there we was sinking a few Frank Stella's ( Artois ).

I got a troll in, It was getting late, kinsfolk was leaving."Keep the change,"I says.

"What alteration you owe another ten pound fifty,"the know it all manager shouts earning himself a full kicking the next dark rainy night.

I paid up, and staggered back to us tabulate with nine pint and a parcel of pork scratchings.

Sandra the barmaid came over to flash her tits, she made out she was collecting empties but you could see the ruby in her belly button down her segmentation, could have seen her vajazzle as well if she hadn't put on a bit of weight recently.

"What you do'in'after cub ?"she says,"Only we thought about a lock in if you're up for it ?"

"Don't know,"I says,"Washing me hair maybe, and there's summat good on telly."

"What's that then Chalky ?"Rocket Ron asks.

"There's got to be summat good with sixty bloody channels,"I says reasonably.

Nozzer looked at his pint. It was odd he usually just sank them."What's up Noz ?"Gasser asks.

"Got a bad gut,"he says.

"Needs a bit of how's yer father to tease apart it up."Mikey suggested.

"penury summat,"Nozzer agreed.

Now inadequate old Nozzer couldn't hold back his beer. Ten dry pint was his lot and even then he wobbled all over the route when he rode his motorbike.



"That's how poof started,"I said,"Some miserable son of a bitch couldn't shit so his mate buggered him to loosen it up."

"You offering Chalk ?"Nozzer said.

"No way, but I reckon one of that lot would oblige."I says pointing to the waiting area bar where several sharply coiffe blokes was sat rhythm. I knew one of them, cock"Nigel"Mansell

"I'll try anything Chalk,"Nozzer said through a fog of booze fume,"Anything."

I went into the sofa, They was all there, gay as screw, all sharp suits and that. One had a dress on. pin-up shade of pink, commiseration he hadn't had a shave for a week.

I sidled up to, Nigel."Here my mate fondness you,"I says all friendly like like I was chatting up some girl.

"Oh really,"he says,"And who are you, frailty pope Eric or the Prince of Whales ?"

"Nah straight up Nige,"I says,"He gets a bit loose tongued when he's pissed, said he dreams about your big manly shaft up his arse."

"My what ?"he says.

"Well it used to be remember ?"I said,"When you used to get a unvoiced on in the exhibitioner ?"

"Oh,"he said,"Well what did you await all those slippery well modulate masculine bodies just ripe for rogering."

"Anyway old Nozzer fancies batting for your English or at to the lowest degree having a trial,"I says.

He stared me right in the eye,"And what may I ask, Mr Chalk, is in it for you ?"

"I'll film it on me sound, deal it to Pornhub as Nozzer get's his virgin ass busted,"I offers.

"I want 50 %"says Nige,"When we has the ringlet in."

"Forty / Sixty"I says.

"No, I'm happy with half,"he says. Sarky sod.

I wanders back to me seat and William Tell Nozzer,"Turns out Nige fancies you so its all set up for whorl in."

"Taa Chalky, I owes you one."he says.

Lock in started around Eleven, Sandra lock and bolted the door, hung her knee breeches on the room access knob and started selling durex at ten quid a throw before she sat on the billiard tabular array, legs facing pages all-inclusive and started wanking with a bottle of Newcastle Brown. Newcastle Brown I ask you ! No category that bint, she had empty bubbly bottles and Frank Stella, even Coke but no she had to use Newcastle Brown. Still it contrasted nicely with her bright pink pussy lips.

affair was she had no takers ‘ cause everyone was watching Nozzer and Nige. Half the feller had their phones out and the early lot, them what batted for the other side, had their rooster out wanking.

Nozzer had his trouser down as he bent over the Billiard Table, don't know why he bothered as you could see his ass hole down his bum segmentation when he bent over, but there he was 46"waist St. Matthew and M & S Wye movement flesh out his ankle while Nige hauled his shaft out and slipped on a Durex, it were quite a nice tone of Green if I remember flop. He had a right blunder. Mine would have turned inside out and done a runner if I had even thought of bumming Nozzer but Nozzer certainly turned Nige on.

Someone splashed some lube over Nige's putz, I say lube, it might have been gearbox oil or washing up liquid for all I know.

Then it was down to commercial enterprise, the tip of Nige's glistening, straining green hide appendage eased into Nozzer's puckered pure asshole.

Nige beamed with the pleasance of the tight orifice slowly easing open from the firm pressure of his rampant member, he pressed relaxed and pressed again, he gripped Nozzer firmly around the shank for more leverage and grunted with the effort. beadwork of sweat broke out on his eyebrow and dripped down onto Nozzers back.

Nozzer's cock hung down like a shrivel up Brassica rapa. The cock in his ass felt good, he just wanted it further in.

Nige pulled back for another go, this fourth dimension he slid in a lot easier, he was enjoying himself, all the way out so the tip almost slipped out, then all the way right back in.

"Oh,"Nige gasped, He worried he was about to cum too quick.

"Orrggg,"Nozzer moaned as he worried he was about to chuck up ten pint of Stella and a Chicken Vindaloo.

Then it happened, Nige jabbing in but something was pushing back. His infantry began to fall away. His cock was sliding out instead of in.

"What the ?"he asked rhetorically. It was the hooey of incubus. Hs cock was being unceremoniously shoved out of Nozzer's arse by the dreaded shit python.

"For fucks sake !"Nige squealed as he recoiled, tripped over his pants and landed on his back.

The python stuck its brown head out of Nozzer's ass and kept coming, just a upstanding shaft of shit oozing from his tight puckered ass kettle of fish.

"Wow man that's hit the spot, '' Nozzer says, as the genuine giant shit python slithered from his ass and curled up stinking on the floor like a big Brown University Snake coiled up fix to strike."That's what I needed man, that's ace. ``

poor old Nige was in melt down."Jesus !"he said,"Oh my god !"

Sandra took pity on him she expertly peeled off his safe using an inside out bag like picking up dog shit.

"Oh wretched Nige,"she says. She helped him to remain firm up and kissed him on the bonce,"seminal fluid to Mummy."

Nige was crying, he was totally freaked out. Sandra held him, then in a flash of inspiration, she popped her left tit out for Nige to soak up on.

"Never mind Mummy loves you,"she said as Nige tucked into her tit.

"mommy has a special front bottom so you can fuck her without getting shit under your foreskin,"Sandra husked.

Nozzer was looking for bog cast. Sandra was ordering no one in particular to clean the shit up, and Nige was getting an hard-on again.

"Want to put your big thingy in Mummy's courteous front rump ?"Sandra asked in a stupid voice.

Nige was just confused as Sandra slipped a fresh durex on Nige's cock. She eased around and bent over the edge of the snooker tabular array and reaching between her leg she guided the tip of Nige 's rapidly swelling cock towards her pussy. Nige eased into the unfamiliar strong slippery cavern. It seemed odd that there was so little resistance, but it felt quite pleasant when Sandra started milking his tool with well practised slit muscles.

Nige had barely started when he started to pullulate his load.

Nozzer was ecstatic."Man that was the best shit ever !"He declared loudly to anyone who would listen,"I reckon I might change by reversal gay me self if its that beneficial,"he added drunkenly.

"You really are everlasting,"Algenon exclaimed.

"You ent supposed to tell on,"Tommy Hunt says reasonably.

"right hand,"says Nozzer,"So why did Chalky say to do it ?"

"Taking the piss mate,"Tommy explained.

"You bastards,"says Nige as he pulls out of Sandra with his prophylactic to the full of spunk and his face absolutely white,"Oh my god that was so awful."

"What fucking me ?"Sandra asked.

"No him shitting at me, I need therapy !"he replied.

"You need a girlfriend mate,"Sandra said,"That's twenty five quid by the way."

"Ghogof week,"I says,"spring her one get one free."

Sandra scowled,"No pauperism to take the piss."

Not the most raw of answer anyway it set Nige off again. I was going to remind her that a ten was the common kick.

Sandra held Nige tenderly and side by side bloody thing he was riding her bareback with her sat on the snooker mesa and her feet on his shoulders. Really going for it and all.

Nige's partner were staring in disbelief, they couldn't get their head word around it. Nige fucking a bird. I forgot to film it, couldn't have flogged the footage where he didn't rubber up any road, so we all had a few more bevvies and went plate. Except Nige and Sandra that is, seems they stopped up all night talking about manner and woman's stuff.

So that was it. Nige needed therapy, every metre he saw an ass hole he imagined a shit python emerging and it put him right off. Then again Sandra mad a courteous few plug out of Nige and every gay feller in Lancashire was warned what happened when Nige fucked Nozzer.

See. I was right, a bit of anal retentive cured his constipation .