`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding mellow above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The lounge floor, '' a woman with a plummy speech pattern insisted, `` It 's staining the ceiling downstairs it really is not good enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was workweek ago ! '' I explained.

'' Well it 's not thoroughly enough, either you rectify it at no cost or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the savoir-faire, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a shadowy promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall expect you at seven this evening, that should hold you time for shower and a high mallow burger. ``

'' That 's Benjamin Rush hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving British capital deary, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't take in a great deal option really, so I thew my tool in the old transit at knocking off time and headed bout mum for a bite to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 eastward bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her place around ten to seven, an old fashioned townsfolk house with a few steps up to the front door and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bath stone faced to first base flooring horizontal surface then render, a red brick structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're other, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to delight, '' I quipped.

'' well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to permit me into the hallway. She looked belated thirties acted like XC, uppish bitch.

The kitchen doorway opened, `` Mistress, '' a girl 's voice trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But Mistress, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a housemaid outfit about four sizes too low, her tit swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the doorway, and put your eyeball back in, they 're on stalks ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the stave. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh wake up and smell the burnt umber, '' she insisted, `` Really the belittled mindedness of the typical British worker never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my business Madam. '' I agreed, `` Or is that schoolma'am. ``

'' Do n't agitate it. '' she said as she locked the outside door behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my intimate taste, nor yours for that thing. ``

She led me through to the sofa, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed tongue and groove peel pine tree, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a strong smell of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement ceiling. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The floor, '' she said, `` leak, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water passing water, '' I explained, `` But the casual spill should be fine. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could give it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smack of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had beneficial see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stair from the broad modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the entrepot room formerly servants hall beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not weewee, '' I said, and I rubbed my finger against the low roof and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the foul drainage, nothing to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said sealskin, come upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me establish. ``

She went back to the lounge, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` present our guest the job. ``

'' mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man schoolma'am ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show contrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a hour, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her ripe but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the bottom couple of inches of her pussy were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please Mistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupid nipper, '' she insisted.

I had no melodic theme what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the polished floor.

'' Bleedin'Hades ! '' I swore, `` No damned wonder it leaks and reek, have n't you ever heard of lavatories, Seth Thomas Crapper, Armitage Ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your small minded reality have you no knowledge of water athletics ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, body of water skiing, but not pissing on the keep room trading floor. ``

'' And it had no gist on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to lifetime quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my pant leg when he needed some space,

'' come Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erecting which would n't shame a fully grownup rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you have in mind rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice rigid forearm to the transitory severeness of the male member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob savor if I 'm honest. ``

'' She 's very, dear to me, so I keep her on a little rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully tiny clenched fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like hammer, '' the schoolma'am said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing trading floor ? '' I asked.

'' Your hard-on young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my companion. ``

'' Of path I got a hard on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' XC seven per centum of the adult population, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority hoodoo Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the alternative I would favor the old Thomas throne urinal to the living elbow room level any day. ``

'' But, given the choice of her mouth, my back talk, in my hair, in her pilus, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a thought process, '' I admitted.

'' The freedom to go when the mode takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to keep sleeping room pots under the bed when my grand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my peak Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't answer, does n't the thought of your urine arcing through the air to soak my clothes, my brassiere, my white meat, does that not rouse you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your lips are silent yet your cock speaks volumes, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` Poor girl she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a short leash, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intention and aim, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for manner of walking in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after dark you understand, with the quarter scoop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the bathroom, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a bitch. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hired hand down my jeans, my stopcock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` Please ! ``

'' Look, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualistic bodily process not readily slip for any other. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' Look, '' I said, `` You need coating and coats of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in mind when you had the place done, I just subbed on the flooring. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly William Henry Harrison are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a technicality, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you unresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the sealing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the problem ? '' she said.

'' No it needs proper waterproofing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coating, '' I said, `` twenty four time of day to dry between, its derisory ! ``

'' I 'll pay for stuff, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's traveling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for gasoline, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's mouth, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper berth heart course of instruction bitch, who would n't want to puddle in her face ? but Pippa, well, to be fair I just wanted to ram my straining cock trench in her sweet pink pussy.

'' I do n't know, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of oeuvre. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for historic period have you sweetie ? ``

'' No mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like rooster do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingers and my toys Mistress, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers cock, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a subdued smear for it but as I mentioned a rigid forearm beats a pliable cock on every I level.

'' If we do this, like we need the whole room bare, no article of furniture, it will be about a week after the last coating before you can risk using it again, twelve hours before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the cellar, tile the floor like a cascade, tile the walls a bit too, not white but maybe ticket gray or something, then you can make for there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a irregular beat and for those tremendous wet Night, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to make a job we really need to take out the existing, marijuana cigarette in a membrane. ``

'' How a great deal ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball park, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two Clarence Day, then you 'll need a plumber to do the shower bath headway or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start. '' she asked.

'' Monday workweek if I can get the roofing tile, if you 're not fussed colour wise it should be easy enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` Email me the net quotation and I am indisputable we have a mass. Can I get you a glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed snatch while she looked longingly at the bulge in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' goodness, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' commodity, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, skillful to see you, '' I said and she blushed deep red, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hall and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the front door, `` The shopkeeper 's entree is down the steps to the right, '' she explained, `` bye Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the Transit with a big smile on my face, I just turned a complaint into two days paid work.

Now that 's a result,

Oh you wanted to learn about the early stuff, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bloody pervert !

To be continued