This is the secondly story of a much longer story arc, which is best read in the order of the List at the end.

transformation of German parole or idiom at the end. However, I have tried to make the significance fairly clear in context.



AS THETWIG IS BENT
region One

Wie der Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum.
As the branchlet is bent, so grows the tree.


"Kurt ! Darlin ’, wake up ! You're havin'a nightmare. Kurt !"

Logan's interpreter rings through my top dog, disrupting the dream that holds me captive."I am avake. Stop shaking me. It is all right,"I protest as I gather the man of reality around me, pushing the debris of that untrue reality out of my psyche.

I feel Logan's arms encircle my still-trembling trunk, drawing me closer to him. I curl up against his chest of drawers like a minor.

"What was that all about, Elf ? I'm usually the one with the nightmares, but this is the one-third night in a row that I've had to wake you up."

"It is null. I just vant to leave it."

"Was it the same one again ?"

"I do not vant to utter about it !"

"It was, wasn't it, darlin'?"He hesitates before going on, as if unsure of my response."Who's Herr Grüber ?"

terror engulfs me at the mention of that gens. I tense up and cling tighter to my puzzled cooperator, shaking my head in self-abnegation. My tail whorl pathetically between my legs.

Logan reacts instantly to the fear that floods my scent as well as my sudden tension by using one of the manpower he has behind me to stroke my back. I take a deep breath, trying to relax.

"nonentity. It is not of import. Please, let us not spill the beans of this."

"Nobody, huh ? Then why have you been pleading with him in your slumber for the last few nights ? And why did you call out his epithet the Night before that, while I was fisting you ?"

"Vhat did I say ?"

"You really wan na know ?"

All I can do is nod my headspring. I had no musical theme I was talking in my eternal sleep, much less during the time Logan was fist-fucking me. Mein Gott, what have I been saying ? !

"You were whimpering and begging in High German. I didn't catch all of it, but it was something like"Nein, Herr Grüber. Bitte, nein."I've never heard your interpreter speech sound like that before. And then later you told him to go back to Hell, where he belonged. It's been mostly the Same form of thing during the nightmares also."

Oh, no ! Had I really said all that out loud ? !

"C'mon, Elf. This ain't ‘ nobody'if he's haunting your dreams."

"I do not vish to discuss him."

"You're acting like a scared small fry. This is me. There's nothing you can't tell me."

I can not even get myself to say his name, much less public lecture about Herr Grüber. Not to Logan, not to anyone. distraction. Ja, that is it. I can unhinge him from pursuing this.

"So then there is also nothing you can not tell me, nicht wahr ?"

Logan reacts as I expect him to."Well - uh --"

I take the opening he gives me."Of course of action, it is all right wing for you to defy to peach to me about those special missions you have been going out to do alone, but I must separate you everything about my lifespan. Is that it ?"

If he truly were a wolverine, I would feature been capable to see his hair stand on end when I said that. As it is, I feel him tense up up, just as I have. We lie there wet and prickly in each other's arms.

"You don't understand, Kurt. That's unlike. I can't tell apart you about that."

"How is it dissimilar ? Vhy ?"

"You don't understand. That's all. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"I can't. You've just got to trust me on this."

"I could say the same to you then."

I pull away from him, turning over and dragging the covers up to my chin.

"Aw, Elf, don't do this to me. Or to yourself."

"I am not doing anything to you that you are not doing to me."

"Haven't we gone around in circuit long enough about this already ?"

"Ja, ve have. So let us leave it alone."

"OK, guess I'm gon na have to compute it out for myself then."

I start to get up from the bed, but his branch fasten around my waist."You ain't goin'nowhere, darlin ’. Not without me goin'along."

Scheisse ! Now what am I going to do ? If he is holding me like this, I can not even teleport without taking him with me.

"talk to me, damnit !"

I shake my header in mute refusal. If one does not talk, one can not give anything away.

"This ain't like you. You're usually the one who's all for communication and honesty. Most of the time I can't get you to shut your mouth. But now, I can't seem to get you to open it. What's the matter ? Cat got your tongue ?"

That did not make any sense."Nein. My knife is veracious here,"I protest, turning around and sticking it out at him.

"It's an idiom, darlin ’."

I duck my head to hide my superfluity."Oh. Sorry."

wellspring, so much for silence. I was never very good at that anyway.

"C'mon, Elf. You're the one always wanting us to talk about stuff."

"Can ve not just talk of something else ?"

"OK."

Too tardily. He is not going to give up that easily, and I know it.

"feeling, you're all upset. I know how to get you to relax."

He draws me back down so that I am lying alongside him again, but still facing my side of our bed. His helping hand moves down to the minuscule of my dorsum. I shiver as he digs his fingers into the closely muscles that control my tail. Delightful ! Just what I need to banish the leftover fear from the nightmare. If I had been lying on my stomach instead of my side, I would get arched my back against his hand, as a cat will do when petted. As it is, I press my hip joint back against him and sigh luxuriously. If I were that suppositious cat, I would have begun to purr.

I know very well what this will take to, but I have no remonstrance. Quite the contrary, in fact. Sex will surely straggle his drive to figure out what is bothering me.

"Darlin ’, I really experience very little about your betimes childhood, although you've told me a lot about performing in the circus as a teen-ager and how much you enjoyed it,"he says lightly, as if this were his version of changing the subject to some kind of small public lecture. Although I try to hold onto my tactual sensation of well-being and loosening, it is difficult. I know good well that I can not easily deceive Logan. For one matter, I have no talent for lying. For another, he could probably say from the nervousness in my perfume if I even attempted to order him an untruth.

"One would think you went right from your mother's womb to the flying trapeze,"he continues, in that Sami light smell of voice.

Before I can stop myself, I reply bitterly,"Often I have vished that vere true."

"Uhmm."

That is all ? No advance comment ? It seems so, as his hand moves scummy and grasps the base of my tail, massaging it gently. My total tail collapses down onto the bed as if it were boneless, lying there in limp comfort. Wunderbar !

"Ya know, I really enjoyed it when you let me fist-fuck you a few nights ago."

Even better. He is changing the subject to something much more pleasant than my early childhood. I am on unfluctuating primer here, talking about the other Nox. Except for what I must throw said out garish.

"Ja, it vas incredible. Aftervards, I felt so - so -"At a expiration for row, all I can do is gesture with my manus, as if I am reaching for something I can not quite grasp.

"I know. I can't find the right words to describe it either."His hand continues working on my shadow, while his early paw moves around to my chest, playing over the scar designs.

"You almost told me to lay off at one percentage point, didn't ya ? Just before my knuckle went in ?"

"How did you know that ? I only asked you to stop and vait a minute so I could correct to the feeling."

"Elf, I've been there myself, call back ? That's usually the most difficult part to get through. I almost gave up then too, on my first try."

"You did ?"

"Sure. It's a terrifying feeling, as if you're going to be split open at any second. Me, I felt as if there was a switch that had to click over in my foreland in order that I could relax and allow myself to spread further, but it just won't go. In my experience, the kinfolk who get by that breaker point usually flash on something in their past times that helps that electrical switch to cluck on, some method of relaxation they've used before. Does that sound like what happened to you ?"

Before I can cease it, my spit betrays me."Ja ! I remembered when Herr Grüber –-"I sit up abruptly."Verdammt, Mount Logan ! Du hast mich betrogen !"

"Yeah, I tricked you. So what ?"His weaponry wrap around me, once again drawing me back down by his slope. His deal return to their late bodily process."At to the lowest degree you can tell me what this mysterious Herr Grüber did that made you open up and assume my hand so well. That's not classified information, is it ?"

"Vell, no,"I reluctantly admit."It vas only that he taught me a sort of mantra, a way to visualise myself. It comes in ready to hand for such a situation."

"That sounds like a good thing. How does it go ?"

"You are to guess yourself as a cloud floating effortlessly through the sky. It is varm, sunny, and you are drifting on a gentle pushover. You are immaterial, permeable, above all the difficulty of the vorld below."Even as I say it, I feel myself start to unfreeze."You shift from frame to mould, impermanent, mutable. You can absorb anything you have to. You can be anything you have to be."I shake my fountainhead. Too much of this and I will distance out. Perhaps I have learned my mantra too well.

"Not bad. It sure did the fast one the former night."By now, his digit are teasing one nipple, and his other hand has traveled around below my tail, not quite at that tender place between my nates and my anus. He is teasing me, stopping just before touching that place.

"Ja. I have not had to use that meditation for More years than I vould really like to look. As you have often noted, I have far more tractableness in all vays than the average person does. And that includes certain sphincter muscles."

"That's for tinker's dam sure ! I never would've been able to get into you that easily for the initiative metre otherwise. Not with a hired man the size of mine."

That hand is just now rolling my hard tit between its fingers. I take hold of it and bring it to my lips, kissing his knuckle and then sucking briefly on each one in twist. Perhaps this will distract him from his persistent direction on things I do not wish to take him focalize on. I have never told anyone practically about my early childhood, other than that I was in a sideshow with a carnival before I became a trapeze artist. And that is all anyone needs to know, including Logan.

He will not be distracted. Wresting his mitt out of my eager mouth, he takes hold of my hair and gently pulls my head back so that he is looking me in the face.

"So what else did you learn from this Grüber fellow ?"

"Nothing of any interest."

"Um-hmm."

From the sceptical tone of his voice this time, I can tell he does not conceive me for a moment. Nevertheless, I volunteer no far information, nor do I intend to.

Then his other hand soupcon that lovely place just shy of my asshole. I close my optic and drop my header further back until it rests on my pillow."Aah, Gott !"

"Ya like that, don't'cha, Elf ?"I can take heed the gloating satisfaction in his phonation. I might be angry, if I could muster the DOE needed, but as he continues to rub me just there, it feels too blessedly good to bother.

"Yeah, ya like it."I can imagine the smug smile on his fount about now. But I do not care.

"Got an idea, Elf."

"So do I. Fick mich."

He laughs."Don't vexation, I'll roll in the hay you soon enough. first, let's trifle a slight secret plan. You know how to playact 20 Questions ?"

"Ja, but I vould much rather -"

He does not let me end up."If I can figure out the deep dark secret you're hidin ’, I win. If I can't, you win. The usual term : also-ran buys the beer. What do ya say ?"

Slightly miffed, I retort,"Nein. I know how often beer you can drink, compared to me. I have decided the odds are stacked against me."

"Cards can be stacked, darlin ’. Odds can't."

"You know vhat I mean."

"Yeah. So what do you want to do about it ?"

I am determined to disregard those caressing finger's breadth beneath my tail and ram a hard bargain, even if my integral tail is twitching and quivering uncontrollably beneath the covers and my prick is stiff as a table."If I vin, you vill not only buy the beers I drink at the bar, but you vill buy me a case of beer for future phthisis also."

"Agreed."

"I varn you, it vill take many more than 20 questions."

"Ya suppose so, huh ?"

"Ja."I am very sure, but still I do not like the way this conversation is going. Nevertheless, his fingers are still playing with me lasciviously beneath my tail, so I have not yet given up on rerouting his interests away from his sappy game.

"Then ya can't lose, right ? So let's play. Here's my first interrogative sentence. Is this Herr Grüber the man who ran the sideshow where you appeared as a tyke ?"

"Ja."The answer is out before I can so much as think about it.

"Was he the one who trained you to do the - ah - interesting -- things you can do so well when we screw ?"

All right, how could he have a go at it that ?"Ja,"I admit, somewhat reluctantly this prison term. Logan's shot are too close up for comfort.

"So you spent your childhood being sexually abused by him, right ?"

"Is that another question ?"I ask warily.

"Yeah."His hired hand moves down a piffling bit, so that he is still massaging that wonderful station with his thumb, but his digit now press against my opening.

"Ahh - mein Schatz - uh - you are distracting me from our game."

"I know that."But he does not stop.

"I vill turn a loss count of the questions."

"I'll keep data track of what bit we're on. right field now, I'm waiting for your result to my one-third question."

"Uh - no. Herr Grüber did not exactly abuse me."

"No ? quartern enquiry. Then what did he exactly do to you ?"

"He very rarely had sex vith me himself. He only trained me to do for my customers."

"fifth part question. Trained you to execute what ?"

"Vhatever they vanted of me and vere villing to pay him for."

"one-sixth question. Like sex ?"

I duck my school principal and blot out my face against his broad chest, shaking my brain."I do not have to answer because you have been cheating,"I mumble."Do you recollect I do not eff that all the interrogation must be able-bodied to be answered by a yes or a no ? You have already asked two that should not count."

"All right, you got me on a technicality, darlin ’."His vocalization is balmy next to my ear. I feel his tongue lick the pointed tip, even as his finger enters my body."I withdraw those questions. cum on, Elf. You're not gon na chicken out on me now, are ya ?"

His digit strokes me inside, reaching for my prostate gland. My desire flares into something that I can no longer contain, as I spit out the response he so badly wants to listen."Yes, yes, yes ! Sex ! Vhat else ? ! Sex, in any vay they vant it, vith any other disgusting nasty affair they vant me to do or vant to do to me, no matter if I like it or not ! ! Are you happy now ? Are you satisfied ? !"

His grimace registers sudden shock as I wrench myself out of his embrace, his fingerbreadth being roughly pulled out of my ass in the process. I bow before him on my paw and knees, bending my elbows to let down my head and put my ass in the air and holding my tail off to one side of meat in the classic invitation of a cat in heat."Fick mich ! !"I demand."Jetzt !"

"Elf, come on, not like that. Let me hold you in my arms and snog your lips. I wan na see your eyes glow with beloved and passion."

"Nein ! I do not vant to look at you ! I can not ! I do not vant it nice and soft and loving ! I vant it severe and condemnable. I vant you to make love me like the cyprian I am ! Do not peach. Do not comfort me. Make it hurt ! Fuck me ! Hard. Now."

"Aw right, if that's how you want it."After a legal brief consequence, his cock pressure against my hole, held steady and guided by his deal. Even so, I can sense that it is wet with lube.

I growl as he hesitates. I slam my hips back against him, forcing his hard cock into my ass in one throw. I can feel him arc his spine and pick up his guttural cry. Then his fingers dig into the side of my hip and hold me steady so he can pierce deeper."You want it like this, you'll get it like this."He moves fast, hard, deep, making no grant to what I may be feeling. But I do not worry.

"Use me, hurt me, piddle me sense the pain !"I snarl through clenched teeth."I deserve nothing more. I am a whore, a jade, a thing to be used. That is what Herr Grüber taught me to be and that is vhat I am ! How could it be any different ? Fick mich, damn you !"

For a instant, he holds still, possibly shocked by my words. This is not what I want. I want what I have said : to be used and used hard. I contract bridge my pelvic heftiness tightly, as if I am trying to pull him into me, then relax and do it again, at the same time tilting my pelvis forward then back. That particular sequence of gesture, if repeated rhythmically for a long decent time, is almost guaranteed to bring a man to orgasm. Only a few times and Logan is moving again, matching my timing and thrusting with great enthusiasm.

"I'm -- gon na -- come,"he finally says roughly, between thrusts. Is it a threat or an apology ? I am beyond lovingness. It does not matter. I will necessitate whatever he wants me to, his cum, his piss, his manus, anything, it makes no difference.

His finger's breadth clutch at me surd as he pulls my hips into him yet again, grinding his groyne tight against my rear end, forcing them apart so he can get in promote. He howls his release as I feel him shake against me. A few more drive and he collapses on top of me, forcing me two-dimensional down onto the bed. I hear him panting for breath. I lie there as tears leak from the nook of my middle, feeling my traitorous penis shoot its encumbrance onto the tangled weather sheet. My insides burning where his cock still gouges into me. Then suddenly it is gone, the exercising weight on top of me lifts. I know he is kneeling there looking down at me, then I hear another howl, this prison term of anguish, not lust.

"Elf ? O my god ! Kurt ! Are you all right ?"

I can not answer right away. Whatever got into me, to act like that ? Where did that intense need come from ? What form of a colossus am I ? And what must Logan suppose ?

His weapons system come around me and I am dragged up adjacent to him on the bed. How can he bear to touch me, after what I have just said ?

"Kurt ? talking to me. If you don't say something, I'm gon na transmit you down to the infirmary right now."

"Vhat - vould you like me to say ?"I manage to gasp.

He pulls me against him so my head is resting on his shoulder."What was all that about ?"

I try to sour away, but his arm holds me close."I -- I -"I stop, swallow, and try again."I think that is vhat happens vhen you play Tventy enquiry vith me."

That gets a wan smile from him, so I continue."Perhaps it is a good affair that ve only got as far as figure six ?"

A tentative chuckle."Looks like you owe me the beer, huh ?"

"Nein,"I object automatically, while part of my mind is still trying to conform to the idea that he does not contemn me."You cheated."

"All right. Call it a draw then. We each buy our own beer the adjacent time."

I nod, waiting to see where he takes the conversation from here.

"Now, darlin ’, you're gon na tell me about all this. Or do I have to fick you again ?"

I hang my head."I -"

He lifts my Kuki-Chin before I can go any further.

"—and don't even start to say you can't talk of the town about it. Got that ?"

I nod."Ja. You vin."

He kisses the top of my head."So distinguish me what happened."

"I do not know vhere to start."

"In that case, I'll ask to a greater extent enquiry. How did you get into a circus sideshow in the first topographic point ? Do you even know ?"

"Only vhat I vas told by Herr Grüber. He found me as a very young infant in a cardboard box on the doorstep of his house at the genus Circus'vinter one-fourth in the hamlet of Schönberg one icy morning. There vas a spell of composition pinned to my blanket that read ‘ Kurt Vagner ’, spelled vith a W, of course."I shrug."This could all be a lie. I have no vay to tell. All I know for trusted is that I vas vith him as early as I can call back, and being surrounded by strangers who stare down at me is function of my former memories. That, and a voman who must have been hired as my nurse who put her finger up my ass every sentence she suckled me. Much later on, Herr Grüber told me she did that on his orders.

"Vhen I vas a very vernal nipper, it vas not too bad. I can come back appearing as constituent of the sideshow, doubtlessly as one of the nut. There vas an extra tutelage to see the Amazing Devil Baby, vhich became the Amazing demon Boy as metre passed."

I go on to tell Logan a relatively brief version of my childhood, first pointing out that, contrary to the image in well-nigh ethnic music'minds these years, a freak show did not ( and I say it in the past times tense because such matter are generally not park anymore ) normally dwell of masses imprisoned in John Cage and forced to be on showing. most of us were there of our own detached will, in large division because it was the solitary way to earn a decent living. For those of us who could, a lot of it was a dead on target performance, not just a case of standing before the gawking interview while they stared at us. At different metre, I danced, did acrobatics, juggled, and even came up with a fairly good contortionist act.

The typical sideshow was not just freaks. There were also citizenry with strange accomplishment, such as sword swallowers, prestidigitator, flame eaters, and knife throwers, to name just a few. Then there were the juke, who were not rightful addict at all but only pretended to be by using various forms of trickery, or who, like nearly of the portion tellers, were simply fooling the great unwashed with their mumbo jumbo. On top of all that, there were the grifters, who ran con secret plan and game of fortune on the marks inside the collapsible shelter, or simply picked their pockets.

From all of these hoi polloi, I learned things. From the knife throwster, I learned to throw away knife. From the fire eater and sword swallowers, I learned how it was done, although I did not attempt to do it. From the fakes and the chiseler, I learned that, while it is not strictly speaking dead on target that"you can't cheat an honest man ”, it is indeed significantly more unmanageable to do so. The well-situated mortal to cheat is the one who thinks he is really entitled to get something for nothing, especially if you can also build him call back he can put something over on you.

As I have already mentioned, I was not usually in the briny part of the sideshow, but rather one of the additional attractions that was offered for the men in the interview to see at the end of the show, for a small extra charge. This was called the"gasconade off"and was conducted behind a curtain that concealed one full end of our tent. It consisted mainly of scantily-clad untried ladies who would trip the light fantastic for the men, often giving them fleeting glance of nudity. Our professional dancer were dressed in Arabic costumes, with many veils they could disgorge during the public presentation before anything serious would be revealed, and the only medicine they needed was provided by a single drummer. Some of the Lady were more skilful at these so-called belly saltation than others.

I was told later on that as an baby, I was brought out by one of the noblewoman, undressed, and held out for the audience to see up close. The Amazing Devil babe was the warm-up act before the dancing began.

As I got older, I was able to be a more active participant, coming in with the madam to shew myself off. While I had not been taught to dance as they did, I started mimicking them early on. That made the men looking at us smile and laugh, so I kept on doing it. I discovered by accident that the audience would pep up me enthusiastically if I tried to pull off some of the veils that covered the ladies, so I added that to my act. It was fun to see the audience clap for me. The dancers soon figured out how to make for along with what I did, shrieking as I came near them, trying to keep their embryonic membrane out of my range, or acting very embarrassed if I were successful in my efforts.

When I was old enough that propriety demanded that I also wear something most of the time, we set it up so that the ladies could shoot off my vesture also, to get More laugh. By the end of the appearance, I usually ended up entirely naked. I would take the air over close to the sharpness of the level and let the people touch me however they wished. I was so secondhand to being displayed to others by then that I was not embarrassed or ashamed.

Since I already looked the constituent, I played up my devilishness as I got quondam, leering at the dancer and taunting them. I even had a illumination pitchfork, and brandished it suggestively. By that time, I knew very well what was going on and why men wanted to see naked women. I also knew perfectly well what the men wanted to do to those au naturel women, if they had had a probability. I suspected that some of the daughter were doing more than merely dancing for the men, just as I was, but I thought nothing of it.

I had barely learned to mouth reasonably well when Herr Grüber started my training in earnest. At outset it was easy and sorting of fun. I used my hired man to please the common soldier customer that came to our dawdler late at night, as Herr Grüber had arranged with them earlier in the day. He was exceptionally unspoiled at picking out people in the audience who showed a particular fascination with me, then offering them the luck for a more common soldier fundamental interaction later on, for a rather high fee, natürlich.

When a male customer brought a woman with him to see me, wanting to simply watch out me delight her, it was easy, even with just two fingers and a ovolo on each of my hands to work with. I think that very bauble was part of what interested some of them in my ministrations. Of course, I had to be careful of my fingernails, which even at that cutter age were thick and big than the average child's.

My male customers were more take exception, as they could be very demanding and I had to use Thomas More strength and movement to make them come. There was always a sense of victory when I was successful, as the intact cognitive operation fascinated me.

Sex electric organ became some of my most interesting miniature. Once one of the men asked me to lick up the sticky hooey he had produced, and I found it did not have a very bad taste at all. None of the men asked me to draw on their dicks though. All I had to do was smile at them and they lost any sake they might have had in such a thing. Even my sister teeth were acuate, crooked, and oversized. Probably that was for the best, as my lip would not receive accommodated them. I have yet to detect anyone who wants me to grant them a shock job.


As I grew older, Herr Grüber gradually added other activities to my repertoire, as I became capable to do them. I was a very skilful school-age child, wanting, as a child will, to please the person who seemed most occupy in me. It was not permitted to hurt me, and I did not have intercourse there was anything unusual about being fondled by strangers, or being expected to advert their private parts and fall in them pleasure. It was simply what I did. Eventually I learned to include my tail in the performance of my duty, along vith a large raiment of the devices usually known as sex toys, which is particularly apt in my case.

I never knew how very much money he made by selling me -- how do you say ? - off the books, but it must have been a considerable amount, since he had many to a greater extent luxuries than the others around us, even the top grade performers in the circus itself. None of us in his show lacked for honest nutrient and comely sustenance status, considering the itinerant spirit we had to lead.

Sometimes I broke one of Herr Grüber's convention and was punished, but that was not very often. However, when it did happen, it was not fun at all."



"normal, Elf ?"Logan interrupted."What variety of rule ?"

"Oh, mostly quite reasonable. The first three vere the most authoritative. Let me see if I can still recollect them correctly.

"low Rule : Never tell about vhat happens vith my private customers or during my training sitting. indorsement formula : Never scraps to do vhat Herr Grüber tells you to do in the training school term. third base normal : You may never decline a paying customer anything. You may cry, plead, or beg, but you must not dissent in any vay. Only Herr Grüber is permitted to decide what may or may not be done by a customer.

"I may have gotten the demand vording of the survive one a petty wrongly, but that was the substance of it. Since I vas a good little boy and seek hard to please him, I seldom broke those rules. I vas punished virtually often for vhat he called Tail Infractions."

"Tail misdemeanor ? What on earth -- ?"

"Very simple. If I failed to control my tail and either got it in the vay of what was being done, or unsound, actually struck him with it. The very vorst thing vas to chance on one of my private customers."

"But you've often told me you can't always control what your tail does or how it moves."

"Ja, and that is the honorable verity. Eventually, Herr Grüber believed me vhen I told him that. My bum truly does have a thinker of its own in many vays, responding to my emotional nation automatically."

As I am saying that, I sneak my stern around underneath the covers and vibrate the sole of his animal foot. He laughs, and we struggle playfully for a mo as I continue to try to tickle him. I end up pinned down beneath him while he holds my tail firmly away from his body with one helping hand, frowning down at me.

"Give it up and I'll let you go. Otherwise I'll establish your seat a good twist."

I know that is an vacuous threat. He will not seriously harm my buttocks. Nevertheless, I let it go limp in his grasp.

"As you may have noticed,"I say, trying hard not to laugh,"the mend affair still gets me in trouble now and then. But I have learned a sure amount of control since I vas a child."

Mollified, he releases me entirely and we get well-fixed alongside each former again. I must soon resume my story, like it or not.

"Once Herr Grüber realized I did not do it deliberately, the penalisation ceased. However, my tail vould always be restrained if I vere vith a customer and he thought it might prove to be a trouble. I got so that I expected something really bad to fall out to me any time my tail vas tied down as constituent of the preparation for the arriver of a customer. I vas seldom disappointed in my expectations."

"So what exactly did he do to penalize you ?"

"He had a special riding crop vhich vas used only for that purpose. It vas more rigid than the usual single, so it hurt more. It had a red comic strip of leather braided in vith the usual black funnies so I could secern it from the others. I got a sure number of puff across my buttocks, depending on the stiffness of the infraction, either Tail or average linguistic rule. The most vas five, but usually I got much less. However, if I cried out or tried to fudge the blow, I vould get one more added to the total for each clip I did that, also the same as vould have happened during ordinary punishment. It did not aim long to learn not to do that."

Logan nodded. That apparently made sense to him."Sounds as if he was a rather abrasive taskmaster."

"That, mein Freund, is an understatement to say the to the lowest degree. Vith me, it produced the sort of answer he vanted."

Logan stares off into space for a moment, as if he is thinking about something. Then he comes back to the present.

"As the twig is dented,"he says softly,"so grows the tree."

"Vhat ?"

"seaport't you ever heard that proverb ?"

I shake my drumhead, then I try translating it into German, to see if it might sound to a greater extent familiar. “'Wie der Stefan Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum ’."

"Yeah, that's it. You mean you've never heard it before ?"

"I have not. I think ve do not say that in Germany."

"Your Herr Grüber was obviously familiar with the concept,"Logan replies, somewhat disdainfully.

"Ja, it vould appear so. But vhy do you say ‘ tvig'? That is a very modest limb, not a young Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree like a seedling."

"How would I know ? That's just the way it goes, that's all."

"Vell, the meaning is certainly true, in any case."

"sufficiency of this. Let's get back to the story, huh ?"

I glance out the windowpane, and see the barest hint of Thomas Gray in the darkness beyond. There will not be time to evidence him much more before the dawn will be upon us, and we will have to get up. There are, after all, classes to teach. Whatever happens between us, it will not be resolved in the short time remaining in this dark. But I can make a start.

I nod and try to relax back against him as I go on.

"It vas not all sex, you know. Like any baby growing up in a circus, I had lots of other thing I had to do also, besides being a dancing freak in the sideshow. The sideshow only ran before and after the main circus shows, vhich left me free to take a small portion in the real carrying out. I had a talent for stunt flying, so I started at an early age in the tiddler's acrobatic show. Of course, I could not seem as I really looked or no one vould pay to see me as a freak. Mutants vere not generally recognized for vhat they vere in those days, since they vere still relatively rare and the general public knew nothing except a few level about people vith strange ability or appearances. At that fourth dimension, I did not have a go at it vhat I vas either. It got much heavily to disguise myself later on, when the world of sport became common knowledge.

"The managing director of the tyke's troupe decided to hide out me in field sight : all the children vere costumed as lilliputian ogre vith butt and vore makeup in various colour and designs. To establish me even less blatant, I had to be a little female child, vith a flouncy short skirt and farseeing curly vig. The chick covered part of my derriere, so if I forgot now and then to hold it sloshed and artificially curved like the fake tails the others vore, it vould be less noticeable.

"Vhen ve had a parade down the briny street of a town to attract masses to the show, I rode along on the elephant, vearing a loose clown costume and makeup that concealed me completely as I juggled some colored balls or balanced on my hands."

Zirkus Sonnig was not turgid or well-known. In fact, as circuses went, it was somewhat disreputable, but I did not know that back then. It traveled mostly around Bavaria, so, unlike the American circuses that often had foresightful distances to continue between stops, we usually had to drive for only a little time. Since all of Deutschland is only about the size of the res publica of Montana, and Bavaria is only one part of FRG, we did not spend large amounts of time in transit, which gave us more sentence for setting up the tents and former necessary equipment. In all, there were only nine heavy trucks to bear equipment and animals, plus varying numbers of individual camping bus or lagger belonging to the performer and other workers. Herr Grüber and I lived in his overnice trailer, and he had another one for some of his sideshow people, while still others had their own motortruck or campers.

Every winter we stayed at our quarters in the modest townsfolk of Schönberg in central Bavaria, which I have already mentioned. The other children in the circus would go to the local anaesthetic school day during that time, but I had my own private coach, since I could not appear in public unless I was thoroughly concealed by my clothing. It being winter and very cold, that was not too unmanageable for me to fulfil so long as I was away, but it would not shape indoors at a school.

As for the sex, even when I became old enough to learn more than complex behaviors, it still was not that bad. As soon as my finger became fairly good at what they did, Herr Grüber started working on other share of me. By the time he started training me to accept anal penetration, I was so accustomed to knowing about such affair that I approached it as just another moral I must read in fiat to please him. After all, I had been used to having his finger up my ass on a habitue basis, ever since my nurse had been dismissed.

After my twenty percent birthday, I was put to bed every night with a butt plug in my ass, in gradually increasing size of it. It was during this time that he taught me the floating overcast meditation that has proven so effective. By my sixth birthday, he had sold the right field to take my virginity, such as it was, to the highest bidder he could find.

But you must not recall he just let person rip me receptive. Oh no. He was always very careful, setting limits and keeping an eye on what was done. As a final result, I was never seriously injured during any of this, although it was painful and frightening at times, especially that first clip with an grownup man.

If I did very well, he vould tell me I was his besonderes Dämon-Kind, or his kluger kleiner Teufel. Then he would play me a endowment from the midway. Maybe some cotton confect or Zea mays everta or some small trinket he thought I would like.

If I seemed sad about being different from the other children, he would tell me that, if I were like the others, I would not be able to do all these things so well and he would not have it away me as much.

As I have mentioned, there were penalisation if I broke his rules, but when I was punished, it was only because I deserved it. Most of the time, I got joy from what he did, and also from what my private customer did to me. Herr Grüber was always right there, not permitting anyone to be rough or beastly to me. As any child might do, I thought of him as my instructor and protector."



Logan breaks into my story, clearly ineffectual to keep quiet any longer."Elf, he only protected you like that because he didn't want to destroy you."

"ruining me ?"

"Think about it. If he let everyone violation you repeatedly and brutally, how long would it birth been before you were terrified, traumatized, and no longer attractive to the client ? Rip your arsehole undefended often enough and long enough, and you'd lose your muscle tincture and be unable to do what you now do so well. like matter if he let you capture all kind of diseases. He didn't want to damage his worthful merchandise. Can't you see that ?"

"I can now, but it did not finger that vay back then."

"Of course not ! What did you know about such affair ? You were a kid."

My oculus are staring down at the level again, as I acknowledge the full extent of how well and surely Herr Grüber had manipulated me."I guess you think I should have resisted vhat he -"

"How ? What could you let realistically done to terminate him ? contribute yourself a pause. It wasn't your defect, so why are you looking so ashamed ? Are you afraid I'll think less of you because you didn't combat back ?"

"No. Not for that exactly."

"What then ?"

"Gott hilf mir, I enjoyed it ! I vanted it ! I vanted his dear ! I vould do anything he told me to do, just so I could get his approval."

"All fry need love life, Elf, just like we do,"Logan says, petting my headway and smoothing my hair back gently."Why would you be any different ?"

"They don't need that kind of love ! !"I retort, too loudly and with my voice breaking at the end.

"No, they don't. But if they can't get one form of love, they'll take another. Do some research on brainwashing, darlin ’. There's more than one way to disclose someone's will, and one of those ways is to convince them to love you."

I think about that as I struggle to get myself under ascendancy. Finally, I am composed enough to ask,"Logan, do you think I am unhinged because of vhat Herr Grüber did to me ?"

"As far as sex goes, Elf, I think you're one of the sane people I've ever known. Also, one of the most knowledgeable, and you didn't learn that in your stunting class. Take that floating like a swarm matter, for instance. Turned out to come in W. C. Handy, didn't it ?"

"But I learned that from Herr Grüber."

"I know, but it works, doesn't it ?"

I nod grudgingly.

Logan leans forward and kisses my optic."So don't worry about it. I'll never think any less of you for what someone else did a long time ago."

I am about to tell him he might very well cogitate less of me if he knew the quietus of what I did, but at that import, our dismay clock goes off.

We both jump. Logan reaches the clock first and turns it off. I am glad he did not slice it in one-half, as he has sometimes done. The sun has somehow managed to hoist itself up above the horizon unnoticed by either of us.

We look at each other and shrug our shoulder."I guess it is metre for me to get up,"I say reluctantly.

"villein ya right for agreeing to teach an other class this semester. I get to log Z's for another couple of hours."He grins and flops down onto his English, pulling the pillow up over his head.

As I get out of bed, I hear his muffled voice song out,"This treatment isn't finished, Kurt. Just postponed until tomorrow night."

"Ja,"I agree, without enthusiasm.


THE HOUSE
Interlude


As Logan comes in the door to the retinue of rooms we occupy here at the school day, he finds me sitting in the chair by the window in our sleeping room, a bottle of beer in one paw and an empty bottleful already on the windowsill.

"OK, Kurt, what's goin'on ? I don't usually see ya drinkin'this early in the day."

I glance at the clock beside our bed."It is 4:36 PM, mein Schatz. That is not so early."

"Umm,"is the noncommittal response. He comes over, lifts my paw and the bottle together to check over the level of the fluid. one-half empty. Or half full, if you are an optimist. He leans down future to me, pressing his backtalk against mine.

When we end the osculation, I make a face and tell him,"You taste like your utmost cigar."

"And you taste like your last beer, with a face order of brimstone."

zero unusual about either complaint. We are just sparring with each former, as we often do.

"OK, darlin ’, gon na tell me why the beer ?"

"Ja. Very simpleton. I have something to register you from my childhood and I am trying to get in a relaxed humor, since I know it vill not be easy."

For a moment, he is puzzled."I thought we were gon na polish off our talk of the town about that tonight, Elf. In bed."

"Ve are. But I vas just unpacking a box of old Holy Scripture I have had sent over from vhere they vere being stored in Germany. I thought I might be able-bodied to use some of them in my Intermediate German language class next twelvemonth. In a turning point of the box, along vith a few other relic, I found something that had once been very important to me, and I vish now to indicate it to you."

Lifting the feeding bottle to my lips, I drink the remainder of the beer, set the bottle on the windowsill along with the previous one, and give another from the cardboard carton at my metrical unit. Only then do I stand up, prepared to guide the way into the room I use as my study.

Mount Logan raises an supercilium, glancing at the remaining beers in the carton on the story. I nod, so he picks them up and carries them with us, taking one for himself as we go.

"So designate me this keepsake that's so significant you have to fortify yourself with three feeding bottle of Löwenbräu before you can deal with it."He slumps down into the reclining chair in the corner of my subject where I do most of my reading, taking several swallows of his beer. Then he nods approvingly at the bottle in his hand."Good stuff."

"Danke. Does that imply I have finally convinced you that German beer is better than that horse cavalry piss you American language drink ?"

"Uh-huh. Especially if you're the one paying for it."

I ignore his gag. From amongst the chain reactor of books scattered around my desk, I pick up a small physical object and bring it over to him, draping myself bonelessly across his lap. He switches on the bright meter reading lamp next to the chair, then props me up with one arm behind my shoulders, as I hold my deal out to him."Here."

Setting his beer on the floor, he takes the little object into his own large helping hand, turning it around and examining it quizzically in the light from the lamp."A little business firm. Looks moderately old. A corner of the thousand is broken off, but somebody seems to have tried to smoothen it out and paint it so it's not so noticeable."

"Ja. I did that."

"So what's the pile ?"

I prop my head against his shoulder and the back of the chair and steel myself for what is to issue forth with a long swallow of beer.

"One day vhen I vas about nine years of age, Herr Grüber came over to me carrying the dreaded riding crop with the red braid - and something else,"I begin.



"H - have I been bad, mein Herr ? Am I to be punished ? Vhat have I done ?"I said, my voice growing more despondent with each sentence.

He shook his head. No. I am not to be punished. I released the breathing space I was holding.

"You're a big boy now, Kurt, and I'm going to start the side by side phase of your education. You will recover it to be unpleasant at fourth dimension, so I'm going to make you something that will aid you divvy up with it."

He held out his hand. I saw a small but elaborated good example of a sign. It was that kind where the first tale is brick, in this typeface painted white, while the second floor slightly overhangs the 1st and is mostly Theodore Harold White, but has numerous large timbers at angles, all particoloured blackened. I think this manner is often called Antony Tudor in this country. The ceiling was shingled, and a red brick lamp chimney ran up one slope of the building. I could see the mansion only from the front, but it had a bay window protruding from the incline that was opposite from the chimney. The little house rested on a section of pale William Green lawn with several shrub. There was a wooden door with a way of life leading up to it.

Why would he require to give way me such a matter ? I dared not even take it from his helping hand until he indicated I might do so.

"Mein Herr, I do not understand. Vhat am I to do vith this ?"

"Over the succeeding couple of years, I want you to study it very closely. Memorize the outside so well that you can see it clearly in your head, then decide how it looks on the inside. Visualize the rooms, the positioning, what it would reckon like if you were standing inside it.

"But how can I know vhat it looks like on the inside ? It has no tangible inside."

"You must take for yourself how you want it to look, in so much detail that you can fix it securely in your mind. Where is the kitchen ? The bedrooms ? Living room, bathroom ? Is there a study ? A hallway ? Where are the stairs ? Which bedroom is yours ? Since the entire house belongs to you, you can make it in whatever way you want it to be."

"However I vant ?"

"Ja. Except there is one thing that must be there : beneath the stallion household, there is a cellar. This basement is dark, deaden, and cold. It is full phase of the moon of dust and grease, for no one ever goes down there. lowlife and mice scurry on the floor, spider spin their webs in corner and roof. piss seeps through the cracks in the walls when it rains. Scary things reach out from the shadows. Strange and frightening noises assault your capitulum. The step that lead down into this cellar are old and rotted. They may not hold the weight unit even of a boy such as yourself."

"Herr Grüber, I - I do not cogitate I vish to live in a star sign that has such a terrible basement."

"You have no choice, mein kleines Dämon-Kind. It is where you will be."

I averted my eyes and nodded, trembling.

"In time, you will learn to get it on that basement, for it is the position where you will keep on all the things you can not brook to face up in the light of day. If you are afraid, you will push your fear down through that doorway, and let it diminish to the hindquarters of those rickety step. Disgust will go there also, along with shame and humiliation. This is where you will send your nightmare, when you awaken from them crying.

"But nearly of all, when you are hurt, this is where you will put your hurting, so you will not feel it so much as it is happening to you. You will imagine it stored down in the far corners of that cellar, surrounded by nasty thing. You will see the git gnawing on it, cockroaches scuttling over it. The things that gibber and screeching in the phantom will tear at it, until it's all gone, and all that's left is you, tucked calmly and safely in your warm bed in your own cozy bedroom."

"But vhy vill I have to do that ?"

"You will not give birth to do it, Kurt."He hit me across the aspect with the riding crop, not terribly hard, but hard enough."You will want to do it."

And indeed, I did, if it would ease the sharp sting across my impudence and the hurting of my haemorrhage lip.

"Your next lessons will be on the uses of pain, child. It will occupy some class for you to master this piece of your breeding, and you will not enjoy it very much. Or perhaps -- who knows ? - you may be one of those who do enjoy it, once you know what it's like."

He held the picayune object closer to me, in front of my face."written report your house very closely, mein kleiner Teufel. Learn to endure in it and make it your own."

I stared dubiously at the gift he proposed to give me.

"Mein Herr, is it permitted that I ask you a dubiousness ?"

"Yes. Whether or not I answer is, as always, my choice."

"How did you pick up all the things you teach me, and vill teach me in the future ?"

"How do you opine ?"

"Someone taught you, as you are teaching me."

"Yes."

"Who ?"I did not really look an resolution, but I got one.

"My father."

Perhaps I should have expected that, but I did not."He gave you - this ?"I replied, pointing one finger tentatively at the household he still held in his hand.

He nodded.

"May I also ask if he - sold you - as you do me ?"

"No, nipper. He kept me for his own scoop use."

I hesitated for a second before daring to postulate this idea any advance. But he was not frowning, nor had he threatened me with the riding harvest so far.

"Did you - savour it ?"My interpreter faded out towards the end, as my courage finally failed me.

"That I will not respond, Kurt. Never speak to me again about this subject. Verstehst du ?"

"Ja, I understand. I vill not."

He smiled. I had pleased him yet again."You're a good boy, tike. Don't be afraid. This will not all be bad. There are good things to come for you, if you learn your lessons well."

I wanted to ask what unspoilt things, but knew better than to promote my lot. I glanced up at him trustingly, hoping for an explanation.

"I have spoken to M'sieur Villaume. He is bequeath to let you try out tomorrow. If you do well, he will take up training you on the trapeze along with his own son, during the winter months."

My heart sang with joy. I had wanted this for so long, but had thought it would never be permitted to me. I knew I had the ability to be an aerialist. I had stared for many long hours at the Villaume kinfolk up on the trapezes. I knew the canonical moves, and had practiced some of them from the outgrowth of trees whenever I could. I was the near acrobat in our small company of children, better than some of the adults. My dreaming might now be potential after all !

Or it might be, if I continued to please Herr Grüber. For I had no head game about that. If I did not discover these new deterrent example, and learn them well, he would not let me do this come winter.

"I vill puddle you proud of me, mein Herr,"I promised fervently."In all vays."I held out my mitt for the piffling mansion.

Satisfied, he placed it on my small palm."Do you now begin to know what this is, Kurt ?"

I stared up at him, my eyes across-the-board, and shook my head.

"Child, this is the House of Pain."

I curled my few fingers around the treasured gift he had given me."I accept it villingly."




Mount Logan drains the beer from the bottle in his hand and drops it to the floor to join the four others that are now lying there.

"Aw, son of a bitch, Elf,"he says, wrapping both arms around me."Not when you were only nine years old."

"Ja,"I say, my voice muffled against his chest."Herr Grüber believed in starting his training young."

"Motherfuckin'son-of-a-bitch ! !"

"Do you mean you think he fucked Canis familiaris ?"I inquire archly, looking up so Logan can see my face.

"Huh ?"At to the lowest degree I had derailed the string of curses that would own come next.

"Vell, if he is the son of a kick, his mother is a dog, nicht wahr ? And if he fucks his mother, he vould be fucking -"

Logan holds up a manus to stop me as he finishes the sentence himself."—a dog."

"Ja."

"You're not gon na assure me you don't know what I meant, are ya ?"

I gaze at him with a looking of innocent incomprehension.

"flavor, Elf, it's an -"

"—idiom. Ja, I know."I grin as I get up off his lap."Just trying to buoy up things up, mein Freund. The melodrama in here vas getting so thick I vould soon have to stimulate teleported us avay before ve suffocated."Grabbing a hand, I pull him up from the chair."Come. It is almost time for supper and I'm hungry, despite all this beer. jeune fille uns gehen."

As I turn to drag him towards the door, I feel a sharp savour across my backside just below my tail.

"Ow !"I turn and look at him reproachfully."Vhat did you do that for ?"

"Just because I can, smartass."

I could not resist the obvious counter."Vell, my ass may not be all that smart, but it is certainly smarting just now."

"Agh !"he exclaims, putting his arm around my waist as we head down the stairs to dinner.

Part 2 :
SO GROWS THE tree diagram

Wie der Zweig gebogen wird, so wächst der Baum.
As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.




The sun has set long ago and well-nigh of the others have finished dinner, yet still I sit pushing the food around on my plate. It is good and I am hungry, but I can not impel myself to eat very much, as my stomach appears to be playing host to a large peck of restless butterflies.

Logan leans over to me and says softly,"All right, darlin ’. You know you're just stalling now. Let's get this over with."

I nod my assent and ascending to my feet. In secrecy, we climb the two flying of stairs to our suite of suite on the third storey, where most of the adult and teacher have their living quarters. Logan locks the doorway behind us as we go in, as he usually does.

Again, as is our usual practice, we strip off all our clothes and headland for the bed. The only unusual thing about all this tonight is that it is far to begin with than our regular bedtime, and I am not looking forward to what will befall when we are both in bed.

Logan piles all of our pillows into a well-to-do lot in the midsection of the headboard, tucks himself under the blanket and airplane propeller himself up reclining against the pillows, then looks at me with one eyebrow raised. I sigh and reluctantly lie down by his incline, pulling the masking up over me also. It is a dusty night for early March, and the heating system of the mansion is not always quite fair to middling for me to feel well-to-do during a cold enchantment. Maybe I should get up and get my neglige and vesture that. No, Mount Logan has already gotten his subdivision around me. He would tell me I am just stalling if I get up again. And he would be right. Oh well, if I stay here for a while, I will surely get lovesome lying next to him like this. I bend my ramification and imperativeness my frigidity substructure against his warm calves.

He sighs."You're not really into this, are you, Elf ?"

"It is that obvious ?"

"Sure. Any other nighttime, especially a chilly one, you'd be wrapped around me tighter than a boa constrictor with his fair game, but you're just lyin'there tonight."

"This is not gentle for me, you know."

"I know."All of a sudden, his boldness takes on this"I got an idea"construction. Uh-oh. Last dark it was 20 query. What is it this meter ?

He grins at me, then tries to glower menacingly."I may not hafe vays of makink you talk, but I do hafe vays of makink it promiscuous for you to talk."He leans over across me, rummaging in the drawer of my nightstand.

I can not help but smile at the overdone German accent.

Having found what he is searching for and begin back to his side of the bed, he holds up the rear end plug that he gave me for my birthday finally November. It is a pretty affair, made of solid Co blue drinking glass, about 15 centimetre long and 5 centimeters wide at the backside of the rounded cone-shaped part. Below that, it narrows down to a little under 3 cms before widening out into a heavy insipid circular base. beingness trash, it is threatening, smoothen, and usually cool to the touch.

I know immediately what he is suggesting. Mild arousal always loosens my tongue. This might work.

I nod in agreement, leaning over to grab a fingerful of lubricating substance from the container that sits discreetly in a carven wooden box on my nightstand. As I rub the greasy stuff onto the butt plug and my ass, I smile again as I remember how we started using Crisco a few hebdomad ago, when we ran out of the usual lube one night and frantically ransacked the kitchen for a substitute. It turned out not to be as mussy as the regular water-based stuff, and lot cheaper.

pealing onto my English, I bend one leg up sharply, resurrect my bum, and present my leave rear to Logan for insertion. As such things go, this is not a small plug by any means, so he works it in gradually, allowing me time to adjust. As the broad part opens me and slides in, I sigh as I feel the familiar force per unit area settle into place. I can already sense some of my anxiety dissolving. When I sleep region of the Night with this plug in office, I wake up as horny as can be. I suspect that is the reasonableness Logan gave it to me in the first place.

He presses a finger gently against the circular groundwork, rocking it back and Forth River inside me. I squirm at the lovely sense impression, tucking myself more tightly into the heat of his weapon system. Much effective. Maybe I can talk about this after all. Clearing my throat, I give it a try.


"As I said this afternoon, Herr Grüber gave me that petty model of a house and told me how I vas to use it. I took him at his vord, and began to envisage it in my mind, deciding the total top storey, including the boastfully bay vindows on the front and side of the sign, vas my bedroom, since no one else lived there except me. It vas full of light and cheerfulness, and I decorated it vith all the things that gave me delight. characterization of peaceful green timber, snow-covered good deal, and ships sailing over dramatically stormy seas covered the valls, along vith circus posters that advertised my incredible skill on the trapeze and richly vire. defile glass filled the panes of one of the vindows, throwing splotches of color around the big room. There vere shelves and shelf of leger for me to scan, and a large mild bed with a well-off quilt of second power sewn together, all in unlike shades of purple. The ceiling vas a vast painting of principal in all their many constellation and radiation diagram. It vas a elbow room of happy dream and cheerful days, the kind of station I had alvays vanted.

"I put a roomy privy vith a large tub at the side of the room furthest from the vindows, imagining how nice it vould be to fulfil that tub vith hot vater and soak in it on common cold Day. The toilet vas lower to the footing and smaller, to conveniently fit my child's stature. I figured I could make it adult later on, as I grew older. I covered the floor vith thick rug, so my feet vould never be cold from valking on a bare storey.

"All this vas fun, but then I had to create the bottom story, vith its door to the basement. I started vith a flight of steps of very ordinary stair, imagining myself descending them. At first of all, I could see aught but duskiness, but then individual rooms began to postulate shape."

I break off, seeing in my judgment a vision of the endearing upstair room I had evoked shattering on the stark realism of the lower floor.

I swallow hard, staring into that darkness down below."I can not go on."

Mount Logan says nothing but only kisses the top of my headland, then the finger between my legs remembers its task of pushing the fag wad slightly in and out, in and out. My whole consistency tenses as a spasm of pleasance runs through me. I gasp. He kisses my brim this clip, then pulls away to whisper in my ear.

"What are ya afraid of, darlin'? Why can't you tell me ?"

"You vill think me veak and covardly for vhat I let him do to me, and for vhat he made me do."All right field, I have said it. Good.

"You ? A Noel Coward ? I know better. Besides, you were a child at the time."

"Macht's nichts. I did not resist. In some vays, I enjoyed it."

"Elf, we've been over this before. There was null you could do to lay off him. You were a shaver, at the mercy of an adult. As for the delectation, no matter what age a person is, it's still sex, and sex can be made to be enjoyable, even if forced."

"You are right. But -"

"Nothing in the man could vary you into a weakling in my eyes. I swear it."

I still look tentative. He continues to pump his finger gently against the risque glass.

"C'mon, Elf. What more can I say ?"

"Nothing."An idea strikes me, as I enjoy the feeling of the shine blue glass moving against my insides."But there is something you could do."

"What ? Just evidence me and I'll do it."

"I vill severalise you later. Still villing to promise ?"

He regards me with a sure amount of suspicion."You're up to somethin ’, ain't ya ?"

"Ja. But that is all I vill say about it."

"Aw right, aw properly, I promise. So continue talkin ’."

"The bottom story does not interestingness me very much. I supply it vith the minimum of vhat is necessary in the vay of a kitchen and a living room. Nothing fancy. Just plain stitch utilitarian detail and trappings. At the far side of the kitchen, I reluctantly add the door that goes down into the basement. It is made of thick oak, solidly built and strong. I add a orotund branding iron thunderbolt, telling myself that aught can get through that door unless I open it from my face. I feel safer once that is finished.

"In my spare clip for the future few days, I devote myself to studying my little theater. One corner, as you noticed, vas broken off, so I borrowed a file from one of the Circus handymen and smoothed off the rough out boundary. Then I talked him into letting me use some paint to constitute it Green River, blending in vith the eternal rest of the lawn. The theatre pleased me even more, once it appeared less damaged. I continued to furnish my adorable bedroom, adding more than and Thomas More detail to it in my mind's eye. Now and again, I forced myself to think about the cellar, but I hated that part of my exercise.

"Shortly after that, Herr Grüber began my new training."

He started easily and slowly. A few light slap with his hand against my posterior, then harder and more, until I was getting a admittedly spanking that really pain. Sometimes this would be only in my training Sessions, sometimes in front line of a common soldier client. Eventually, it would be the customer who did such things to me.

Then he would begin using something else. Wooden paddle, a knock, the dreaded horseback riding crop that had only been used for penalization before, and even then very seldom. Nothing that did real damage or left much in the way of scar, but the pain sensation was really. As with the in the beginning penalisation I described, if I did not continue still and accept what was being done, I got more strokes added.

Next I must learn to be tied or otherwise restrained. That was frightening, leaving me feeling entirely incapacitated and at the mercy of whoever else was there. If I had not believed Herr Grüber would continue to keep me safe from serious impairment, I would have been even more terrified.

And yes, as he had said, by this time I truly wanted to make use of my little household. Somehow, the basement never got too full. No issue what I forced down into it, I found that there was mickle of room for more.

Vicious little clamps that pinched my skin, then my tit and character of my genitals. Places on my body that seemed so innocent until the right amount of pressure applied by nothing More than a finger could cause excruciating agony. All of this was done coupled with assorted sexual acts, so both the pain and the disco biscuit became tangled together in my mind.

But when he first used a knife on me, just the signature of the spinal column of the blade as he drew it lightly across my hide lit up my mettle like the luminance on a Dec 25 tree. I was absolutely terrorize, but also absolutely fascinated. Rarely was I cut, and even then, not deeply, but the anticipation and the fear of what might be done made up for the lack of serious pain.

By the meter the time of year was over and the circus went to its winter living quarters in Schönberg, Herr Grüber was very pleased with my progress. He fulfilled his hope of allowing me to educate on the trapeze with M'sieur Villaume and his family, even as he continued my other breeding.

I was very popular with some of my common soldier customer by now. They would even hail to see me in our niggling settlement, although it was rather out of the way for many of them. Once one of the more commit customers was permitted to take me base for a weekend. That was frightening. I had to intrust that Herr Grüber's judicial decision in this matter was set. But it all turned out well. I returned rest home with the first of many talent I was to get from my customers : a illumination pirate ship in a bottle.

My trapeze example turned out well also. As you have probably guessed, M'sieur Villaume decided that I had great natural endowment for the trapeze. By the end of that winter, he had approached Herr Grüber with a request to allow me to continue my training while the circus was on the route, so long as it took place only at times and places where no stranger were around to see me. Herr Grüber agreed readily, no doubtfulness thinking of the day when I would be upright enough to appear in the main show and could earn a nice salary for him, in place of being in the sideshow. I too dreamed of that day.

Privately, he let me know that my trapeze study would be contingent on my continuing to do well with my early training, and that I must not allow it to interfere with the servicing of my individual customer late at night, as usual. That was a busy summer, but I enjoyed it, despite some of the lessons he wished to teach me. I found that my experience in being hurt gave me one advantage over others in learning the trapeze : I did not reverence pain in the neck as early youngster did, so I did not make a big passel out of falling and getting hurt when I landed in the safety net wrong, to observe just one thing. brand no misunderstanding : no truly hard physical acquirement is learned without error, hurts, trauma, melody, sprains, and other variety of pain. Sometimes the worst botheration did not come from Herr Grüber's lessons at all. My little mansion came in William Christopher Handy for dealing with that also.

The beginning of the end of my precarious happiness came at the end of that summer time of year, when fiddling Anna arrived. Circus Sonnig had moved back to its winter stern and Herr Grüber and I had just finished moving our thing into his house when he told me I would be staying for a weekend at the home plate of one of my customers. Conveniently, he had to go away himself over that Saami time in Holy Order to take care of some business. I thought nothing of it, by now an old paw at visiting the homes of the men who paid for my religious service. I had eagerly awaited this wintertime, when I would resume my veritable classes with M'sieur Villaume, instead of the slapdash pattern of training we had resorted to during the interfering summertime months.

When I returned home, I learned that Herr Grüber's"business"had been obtaining a new freak for his appearance, possibly someone to take my spot once I was estimable enough to perform on the trapeze. This was, of path, the Anna I have mentioned. She was only five years old and he had gotten her from a aloof orphanage. I was certain that he had not told the people who ran the orphanage of the use he intended to make of her.

Anna was what we would now call intersexual. She had such a large and well-developed clitoris that it could easily be mistaken for a penis if one did not look closely. She also had a vagina, but it was not of normal size of it, even for a child her age. Herr Grüber did not incur that out right away, as she was an intact virgin when he adopted her.

He planned to exhibit her for an extra bang, as he did with the dancing girls and me, as a child hermaphrodite, which would pass a good crowd. There were some He-Shes or Half-and-Halfs, as they were also called, in many sideshows, but they were all adults and many were just men in drag who knew how to disguise their manly electric organ so that it appeared they had a vagina in accession to a penis. It was the custom for these folks to be dressed as a male on one side of their dead body and female on the other. Of course of action, that is foolishness, as even a true hermaphrodite, something which is very rarefied, would not be unlike right down the middle in that manner.

Anna hated it when Herr Grüber tried to make her facial expression like that. Although she knew she was unusual, she felt she was basically a rule girl, not a boy. She had long blonde hair, and she cried bitterly when he cut it off on one side and made her put on it suddenly like a boy. He had a special outfit made up for her for the shows, and started teaching her what she would be expected to do when the next time of year began. We held a few rehearsal with the dancing missy towards the end of the wintertime, and I showed her my unremarkable and how she could do much the Saame thing and charm the audience. Her costume had a ping haltere top and a girl's frilly shorts on one side and just plain blue shorts on the early side. At the end of the appearance, she was to step out of her clothing and sales booth naked facing the crowd so they could see she had a member. Then she would twist around and bend over, so they could also see that the residual of her genitals were female person. Herr Grüber made her practice that part of the show also, but she seemed mortified to be naked, and did not handle it with the raw grace and shamelessness that I did. However, I hoped she would loosen up once she got used to doing it. I thought up mode of including her in my antics during our public presentation, in order to ease her into it.

She was too Young to deliver breasts, but towards the end of that winter, Herr Grüber paid a disreputable MD to inject saline solution into the breast on her female incline, so that it looked as if it had begun to develop slightly. After that, she seemed even more ashamed, if that were possible.

Poor Anna did not take naturally to her education in sexual matters, as I had. I tried to boost her and carry her to be cooperative, if only because I knew thing would be easier for her that way. But she could not do it. I suppose I was too young to understand why she was ineffectual to follow my exercise.

I became her Quaker and her protector, to the extent that I could, trying to carry Herr Grüber to be easy on her, making excuses for her whenever potential, but the poor child was wretched, even when all she was being expected to memorise was how to pleasure an adult with her hands, or to simply lie there as a customer examined her and fondled her, pretending use even if she did not finger it.

Although we each had our own pocket-size sleeping accommodation in the firm, she would often purloin into my room at night, if she was unhappy about something. Many a time she fell asleep in my implements of war, crying softly and almost silently, so Herr Grüber would not hear. During the carnival season, when we all lived in a preview, Anna and I slept in the living/dining room, on the padded ass on either position of the tabular array where we would all eat our meal. Herr Grüber, of course of action, used the bedroom, which was also where our individual customer were entertained. In our winter home, there was a much with child and better furnished room where both our breeding seance and our date with our customer took place.

Meanwhile I was still finding it relatively easy to learn my new lessons, even if sometimes things hurt. Herr Grüber went slowly, and the cellar of my little house was easily able-bodied to control my painful sensation for well-nigh of that low year and a half. Since Anna seemed so much more miserable than I was, I had very trivial pathos left over for myself.

I showed her my slight house and tried to teach her how to do what I did with it, but she never quite got the idea of how that was supposed to puzzle out. Maybe she would deliver done better if she had a lilliputian firm of her own, but by then I could not contain to share with mine. I needed it too much.

That spring, just before the circus was to depart out on its annual circuit, Herr Grüber decided it was time for Anna to displace on to actually having her vagina penetrated. Her Hymen was unusually thick, so he finally had to resort to slicing it open with a razor.

I had a very hard clip calming her down that night. She was almost hysterical, although the pain could not have been all that hideous.

The adjacent day during my own training session, I persuaded Herr Grüber to let me put to work with Anna for a calendar month before he did anything else to her, promising she would make substantial forward motion if I were allowed to do this. He must own been getting very scotch with her, as he finally agreed to my proposal.

I tried even harder to show her how enjoyable sex could be. My fingers caressed her gently, my back talk covered her with delicate kisses, I let her partake me and explore me, teaching her all I knew about what a Male trunk could enjoy. I made sure her vagina was healed before I even began to touch her there. I stroked her overdeveloped clitoris, sucked it gently, touched her tit carefully, especially the saline-injected one, licking her nipples with feather-light touches of my tongue. In brusk, I did everything I could remember of to call down her without hurting or frightening her. Sometimes she even seemed to enjoy it, but not with anything like the desire it brought Forth River in me.

When I thought she was quick, I caressed her vagina with my mouth, licking and sucking and finally inserting the tip of my lingua between her labia. She reacted well to that, but when I tried to open her further with a finger, she begged me to stop.

The month was almost over by then and I knew full well that Herr Grüber would be neither overly gentle nor very patient when he resumed her example himself. I coaxed, I spoke to her, I tried to tell her what she would have to learn. But it was all to no avail. She hated every minute of it.

I decided that this summer season was not something I could see forward to with any corking amount of anticipation.




"Darlin ’, could we stop for a minute ? This doesn't sound as if it's going to end soon and I need to take a piss."

"Vhat ? Oh - uh - sure. As a issue of fact, so do I."

He unwraps his weapon system from around me and gets up to go to the can. He is still peeing when I come in also, walking with my arse clenched together to nullify allowing the ballyhoo inside me to come loose. That can be quite a trick at meter. I stand beside him, waiting my play at the toilet. For the first time since we have been lovers, I feel vaguely self-conscious about being naked in front of Logan. Or maybe I am simply embarrassed over the things I have just told him.

"So I suppose while all that grooming was going on,"he asks, shaking off the last few drop and stepping over to the basin to wash his hands and get a drinkable of piddle,"no one else in the circus noticed what was happening to you two Kyd ?"

I shrug, then jump to pee, holding the stooge plug in place with my liberate hand as I do so.

"Some people may have suspected, but they did not have it off for surely vhat vent on after the main show vas over for the night. Many of the performers packed up and left as early as they could for the next stop on our path, so they vere often not around by the time my especial customers arrived."

"eventide so."

"If anyone had suspected, they vould not have dared to challenge Herr Grüber directly. Anna and I were his freaks, and he had a good deal influence vith the owner of the circus, Mr. Sonnig. Rumor had it that the possessor, whom ve seldom saw, had borrowed a square sum of money from him to pay off a gambling debt. This may be truthful, or it may not. All I know for sure is that no one crossed Herr Grüber."

Logan nodded."Yeah, I can believe that. By the way, did the man have a first name ?"

"Oh ja. Max Ernst Rudolph Grüber vas his wax epithet. But ve all had
to call him Herr Grüber or face his anger."

"I see."

Now it is my turn to wash my hands, as Logan stands there watching. I net my dry pharynx and take a few swallow of water from the cup, then we return to our bed.

With his arms once more securely around me, I no longer have that sick-to-my-stomach notion that is shame. My lover is not disgusted with me, as I had feared he would be. Ah, but he does not yet know the unscathed story. Perhaps when he does, he will not still get laid me so much.


"Some of my fears for the summertime came reliable. Although Anna eventually learned to handle the sideshow functioning by feigning a sensible amount of money of enthusiasm, she vas not at all prepare to harbor her own customers using anything beyond the basic hand techniques and simply being displayed and fondled. There vere alvays a few customer who enjoyed doing such matter to a piffling girlfriend who vas clearly unvilling and afraid, so she vas not entirely vithout monetary economic value.

"I, of course, had been able to pursuit that sort of client by simply pretending to be terrified, and even pretending to resist if that vas vhat vas vanted. Herr Grüber vould enjoin me ahead of sentence vhat he had discovered the customer vould prefer and so pay extra to see. I could even pretend to revel myself and beg for more, vhen in truth the only thing I vanted sometimes vas for it to be over and done vith. It all depended on how a great deal it hurt. I could misrepresent orgasm very convincingly vhen I thought that vould end the session. Since I vas only eleven long time old and still too Loretta Young to blunder out, my organic structure vould not betray the Truth. I vas vell avare that vould modification sometime in the next few year, but it vas too soon to vorry about it."

As things turned out, Herr Grüber had no more destiny coaxing Anna to let him open up her vagina than I did. Rather than upsetting her during the summertime season, he decided early on to apply off until she was a little older, to the substitute of us all. I could state he was not happy about having to do this though.

There were many joyful here and now for me during that summertime, but on the whole, it was miserable. On the expert position, I was capable to continue my lessons on the trapeze, even if only sporadically. During a very rainy brace of days when the integral circus was closed down, M'sieur Villaume even gave me a chance to see what I could do on the high wire, arranging a visitation lesson with one of our tightrope walker. I did not induce a fear of heights, as many the great unwashed do, and I have a just sense of balance. I already knew how to take a declension into the safe net, so I was somewhat ahead of the game before I even started. Just as I did with the trapeze, I loved being up there. In fact, I hated to get down and face the rest of my life.

Meanwhile, back in our lagger, my lesson in accepting pain took a turn for the worse, when Herr Grüber decided it was time he should commence showing me how to retrieve pleasure, and also earn More money for him, by inflicting painfulness on others. I denied that such a thing could be dead on target, of course, but he only said I was foolish and naive, and he would lay down sure enough that I learned otherwise. In addition to the occasional customer who enjoyed such thing, I had also to practice my lessons on Anna.

At first, I did what Herr Grüber instructed me to, although only to stave off his wrath if I did not. He had me do belittled things to Anna, sometimes to provide a show for the common soldier customers, sometimes during her own breeding sessions. Much to my shame, I found that I could often find pleasance in obeying him. But it was null so awful. Perhaps just spanking her lightly, or holding her still while the customer fondled her, or saying filthy things to her while Herr Grüber tried in vain to raise her in versatile shipway. But as the things he ordered me to do became more vicious, I was still afraid to reject, and my own arousal became shamefully obvious at multiplication, proving to me that he had been right : one could indeed find pleasure in causing pain to someone else.

Now, of course, I know a lot Thomas More about this sort of thing. I know there are those who do it because they enjoy it. I find aught wrong with that, so long as it is truly the will of both party, and they are old enough and competent enough to give way informed consent. But this was not our situation. I perhaps might have consented to much that was done to me, but it would make been in position of the fact that I knew I would then be rewarded with more trapeze lessons. In fact, at one compass point, I told Herr Grüber that I did not mind so very much for myself, but I could not suffer to hurt Anna any more.

To my surprisal, he did not become angry, but rather offered to fix up deterrent example for me on the high-pitched wire that coming winter, if I would be a proficient obedient boy and pleased him with my performance for the remainder of the season. I am ashamed to say I agreed. I have since learned that I am not the first person to have sold his soul for something he greatly desired.

The affair he asked of me over the next mates of month became more cruel, but it happened slowly and insidiously, so that it was voiceless to guide a line between not so bad and worse.

Anna withdrew more and more into herself, no longer able to swear me entirely, even though she knew I was as a lot at Herr Grüber's clemency as she was herself.

When I was instructed to pee on her at the request of a customer, I felt very uncomfortable with it, but I consoled myself with the idea that at least I was not hurting her. Besides, that had been done to me now and then, without bothering me unduly. In fact, men had peed into me, which was much spoilt.

My desire to please Herr Grüber diminished during that metre, even though I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to become a trapeze artist, much lupus erythematosus perform on the high gear wire. I started to resent his demands, more for Anna's sake than my own. But then I would cogitate of how he had told me that he had been through all this training himself at the men of his own Fatherhood, so he was doing no big to us than what had been done to him. And he had not had the fling of his heart's tender desire waiting for him when it was all over. Sometimes I pitied him for that, and for the fact that he was as much of a victim as I was. I think now that I would have been better off just hating him. It would have been much less confusing to my child's mind.

Most of my regular client were reasonably form to me, and I had more luck to go with them to their homes for the night when the circus was in the vicinity of where they lived. I started to see what former people's lifetime were like, and it was a revelation to me. However, there were men among my client who were truly roughshod and hateful. I dreaded seeing them arrive, especially if I knew Anna was to be involved in the proceedings.

I got through the rest of the season by concentrating on the wages that would be mine during the winter, when I could spend much of my time high above the rest of the world, doing what I knew I had been born to do.

So it was that my groovy joy was inexorably linked to my slap-up
horror --

-- until at last the clock time came when I reached my terminal point.

It was after the end of that summer season, and once again we had moved back into our winter rest home. I was looking forward to resuming unconstipated trapeze lessons and maybe even starting to memorize the tightrope, once everything had settled down. That was when Herr Grüber decided it was time to stop going comfortable on Anna. Like it or not, she would finally have to earmark her vagina to be used.

He summoned us both into the breeding room that day. I knew what was going to happen the here and now I walked in. The window shutters were tightly closed, and the bulwark were hung with noise-dampening plod fabric. I had only ever seen this done before when he expected to be doing something that might result in mortal, most often me, screaming. It would not do for our neighbour to suspect what was going on. Of course of instruction, I tried very hard never to yell because I knew it only made things forged, but Anna had not yet reached that level of self-discipline.

"No ! Herr Grüber, delight do not do this,"I started to protest.

"Silence, Kurt. You are here to celebrate and help out, that's all."

Anna had already begun whimpering. She ran to me, throwing her arms around me and clutching desperately at my shank. I could feel her trembling.

His heart flared with ire. He went over to the shelves where all of our equipment was kept, and came back carrying the riding crop with the red filament braided into it. Setting it conspicuously down on the mesa next to the bed, he turned to us and ordered me to convey Anna over to him.

I had fiddling selection. Besides, even if I had refused, he would only have walked over to us and taken her from me.

"Good boy. Now lift her up onto the bed."

I did that too, although her tormented supplication tore at my heart. He began fitting her tiny articulatio radiocarpea and articulatio talocruralis into leather restraints, leaving her rout and naked. ( We knew better than to wear any clothes when we were told to come out in this room. )

"Kurt, do anything and everything you can think of that might get her aroused. The respectable you do, the less this is going to hurt her."

I did not call for to be told that, as I knew all too well that it was avowedly. As I had done during that month when I had tried to train her, I did everything in my power to induce her body to need this. She was so scared that it was not of much use, but it was not for want of my trying. The altogether prison term, I had to listen to her moan and beg Herr Grüber to let her go.

"All right, boy. That's enough. Any one of your female client would let been ready and willing long ago, if you performed as well on them as you just did on her."

"My regular customers are acquire vimmen, not piddling little girl,"I said without cerebration as I slid off the bed.

He glared at me. I went down on my genu and bowed my head."Bitte, entschuldigen Sie, mein Herr,"I apologized formally, as we were expected to do in a situation such as this."It is not my place to say such affair to you."

"Accepted. Do not let it happen again."

I rose to my feet and stood there, waiting for whatever would come in next, reminding myself that I had to manage to save my mouth shut no thing what happened.

From the table beside the bed, he picked up a small solid plastic dildo, obviously meant for use by person attempting anal insight for the first metre, barely the width of a woman's little finger finger. He lubricated it generously as Anna stared at him in sudden comprehension of what was coming. When he rubbed some of the Lapplander fluid between her wide-spread ramification, she began screaming.

He tried to guard her down with one hand on her articulatio coxae, but she squirmed too lots."Kurt, hold her still !"

Unwillingly, I climbed onto the bed beside her and tried to pin her pelvis, but my slim weighting was not sufficient to overcome her hysterical struggling.

"Here, boy. You take the dildo. I'll hold her."

Horrified, I pulled back."Nein !"

"Do what I tell you. Or blank out about any more lessons on the trapeze or mellow wire this winter."Seeing the horror in my eyes, he added,"Or ever again."

I would like to be able to say that I only obeyed him because I thought I could at least be gentler with her than he would be, but that would not be the entire truth.

I took the dildo, waited for Herr Grüber to get a solid hold on the struggling girl, then carefully opened her labia with my other hired hand and started working it slowly into her footling vagina. Her scream intensified as I pushed it abstruse inside her, even though I was massaging her clitoris with the first of all finger of the hand that held her open, still hoping to progress to this easygoing on her by arousing her. I did not get the dildo in very far before I could palpate unbendable resistance.

Herr Grüber was smiling at me."well boy. Go deeper."

"I can not. I have hit the end."

"That's impossible."

I shrugged helplessly, pushing the bottom of the shaft a tiny bit harder and letting him see that it would not go.

Anna's screeching had died out by now, subsiding into despairing sob. She lay still.

Holding her with one hired man, he motioned my manpower out of the way and took wait of the dildo himself, pushing slightly. She gave a shrewd scream at that.

"This can't be,"he said.

I shrugged again and kept silent. considerably not to channelise out that I had told him so.

He grabbed her once again with both hands."Move it around from side to side. See if you can stretch her a little, now that we've at to the lowest degree convey it in."

"Herr Grüber -"

"Don't even say it, child."

I did as he said, eliciting a few more screams from Anna despite trying to be gentle.

"All right, take it out. That's enough for today."

By now, there were tears running down my face. I tried to wipe them away without letting him see, as I removed the dildo and turned away to set it back on the table. My eye caught on the riding harvest. There would be punishment to come, that was certain. I could separate by the tone of his voice when he told me to unloosen Anna from the restraints.

That done, he set her on her understructure next to the bed and ordered brusquely,"bend over the side of the bed, girl."

She complied automatically, as if she could not comprehend what was going to be done.

"You know full well that you have broken prescript numeral Two, Anna, by not only refusing to do as you were told but also carrying on in such a disgraceful manner. For this, you have earned a penalisation of five strokes."

He picked up the riding crop and get around his arm back for the first shot.

I could not stand it anymore."Nein ! !"I said, and this sentence it was a command, not a plea. I jumped in front of him and grabbed his arm as it came forward, forcing him to stumble sideways and declivity to the flooring, taking me with him. The manifestation on his face was no more astonish than the one I expect was on mine as we stared at each other.

He recovered first, shaking me off and getting to his feet."Kurt,"he said with deceptive mildness,"am I to understand that you don't wish me to penalise Anna ?"

I nodded as I also stood up, knowing I was in material cryptical shit now.

"Very well."

No, he was not giving in. Something worse was going to happen, I knew it.

"In that event, you shall administer her punishment instead of me."He held out the riding crop.

I shook my principal, keeping my hands resolutely down by my sides.

"You are refusing to do what I tell you ?"

I knew what was coming when he phrased it that way : either I obeyed, or I was guilty of the same infraction that Anna had been.

"I vill not do it."Without waiting for his result, I went to the side of the bed and leaned forward over it, while arching my empennage up toward my head as far as I possibly could, leaving my bare ass and the rachis of my thighs as his target.

Anna whimpered.

"Girl, stand up over here and watch. I want you to see what happens to him as a result of your loser to behave properly."

The leather slashed down across my buns. I clenched my tooth firmly on the shrieking that rose to my sass, knowing it would only result in More strokes being added to my punishment if I did not hold open quiet.

"For your insolence -"

The adjacent stroke hit my thighs. Again, I stifled a cry of hurting, trying to summons the image of my little sign of the zodiac and commit the pain down to the basement. But Herr Grüber did not leave me a opportunity to shift my frame of mind.

"You will not be permitted trapeze or high wire moral -"

The following blast landed again on my buttocks, criss-crossing the for the first time.

"Not this winter -"

The next did the same across my second joint. I must not move. I must be quiet. I must. I must.

"Or ever again."

It sank slowly into my pain-fogged mind what he had just said, but I had no meter to react before I heard his next command.

"bandstand up straight and work around. Eyes closed."

I obeyed quickly, knowing there was one more shot to fare but not knowing where it would land. He had never done this before.

He let me stand like that for what seemed an eternity, but was probably only about half a minute. When the shock finally came, it was across my lower stomach. The pain shot through me like a hot iron. I fell to the floor, clutching my gut and moaning as softly as I could.

"Get up, boy. Anna, lean over the bed. Don't make me consume to tell you twice."

I struggled to my metrical foot, bent double and still holding my belly. Hot binge leaked from my eyes.

This time he forced the riding crop into my hand, curling my fingers around it."Nein,"I whispered."Bitte, Herr Grüber. Please !"

"Do as I say. If you perform well, I may permit your lessons after all. You'd like that, wouldn't you ?"His articulation was smooth, positive, sure that I wouldn't decline this fourth dimension."If you don't obey, you'll get another penalisation just like the last, but next time there will be no offer of rescinding your surplus penalization, and we'll play this game once again. Eventually, you will contribute in. Either way, Anna will receive her punishment also, so you gain nothing by prolonging it."

I knew he was right. Silently, I nodded my drumhead. I could not even hope to lessen Anna's pain by not hitting her very hard, since he would be able to distinguish if I tried that. I might as well surrender now and at to the lowest degree be allowed my lesson again, I told myself firmly.

I glanced at Anna, where she stood bending forward over the edge of the bed with her tender bottom exposed, silent now, as she finally seemed to realize that words and screams would only seduce matter worsened for her by gaining her extra strokes.

For just a second, I truly felt the desire to suffer her, and not only because of the lessons I so wanted, but just so that I could feel the pleasure that others had found in hurting me. Besides, had it not been her shift for disobeying Herr Grüber that had gotten me into this billet in the first post ? She deserved what I was about to do to her.

But still I hesitated. Anna was my champion. She had trusted me, even when I would help Herr Grüber, because she knew I had no option. I did not want to do this to her.

I told myself I had no alternative.

I straightened up and raised my arm to strike her -- and found myself gazing down at a young version of myself, in the same position as Anna, mutely waiting to be cruelly hurt. And in that here and now, I knew I could not do this to her. I wished with all my heart and individual that I was not here, in this place and in this berth, and that I had not sunk so low as those who had treated me in this Lapplander way.

The riding crop dropped from my hand and I bowed my head in the full expectation that it vould be picked up by Herr Grüber and used yet again on me.

I wanted only to be gone from there -- - and suddenly I was gone. Gone through a terrific place of darkness, desolation, and emptiness, out of which I returned, shaking, disgusted, weak, still hurting, and astonished to find I was not where I had been. I threw up, then I fainted. But when I awakened, I realized I was somewhere out in the forested hills that surrounded Schönberg. I could see the town below me.

I did not have intercourse how this had happened, but I was sure of only one thing : I would not go back, not even if it cost me my living to delay away. I turned my rear on the town and ran as fast and as far as I could into the forest, stopping only when I collapsed exhausted to the ground.



I pull myself up out of the slack of my memories. I cover my side with my hands, then lean my straits against Logan's chest while I try to take in my wits.

I become cognizant of his subdivision around me, one helping hand reaching up to stroke the back of my head word. In a little while, I begin to find more myself again. I lour my hands and allow myself to loose. There. I have told him. I can do cipher more now but wait for him to respond.

Then his early helping hand moves up my back, joining the one already there and tangling themselves in my hair as he pulls my brass up to his and into a kiss.

Very quickly, the kiss deepens, and the hands that were in my haircloth go down to my cover, clutching me up against him so hard that he almost seems to reverence that I will get up and run away. Whatever happens, I begin to experience that he will at to the lowest degree not refuse me outright, as I had feared he might. trust begins to brighten my heart. My arms are pinned to my sides by his hold on me, but I can still bend my forearms around his waistline, adding my tail to the embracement also. His penis responds to the insistence of my body against his.

Then his second joint get-up-and-go between my branch, finally pressing against the butt plug, which is still in place, but seems to possess been forgotten until recently. My fears evaporate, wiped away by his desire, and my own. I am not rejected. I am not despised. Gott sei Dank, I am still wanted and loved !

Under ordinary setting, this would extend to the usual sex. But these circumstances are not ordinary and that is not what I have in brain. I put both hired man on his chest and push him away. He stares at me in evident surprise.

I smile back, with mischief clearly on my face and in my glow middle."I told you vhat you vanted to acknowledge about my childhood. Now you must do vhat you promised and prove to me that you do not suppose I am a craven covard."

"You really need me to rise it ? Even though I've told you there's nothing that could possibly make me retrieve that of you ?"

"Vords, as the saying goes, are not expensive."

"I think you mean they're cheap."

"Vhatever."I wave away his fudge factor.

"What is it you want me to do, darlin'? Just tell me and it's yours."

"I am happy you feel that vay. It is very simple-minded. Let me have intercourse you for a change."

"You think that would prove anything ?"But he is stalling for time and I know it.

"Ja. Because you vould never let individual you thought of as a veakling top you."

"OK, you're right. Do it,"he concedes gracefully."In the immortal words of someone I know very well and respect very highly, ‘ Fich mich ’."

I can not serve but laugh.

While I have not had very much chance to work out the detail over the last brace of hours, I have been thinking for quite a long prison term now what I would do if I were to experience this chance. So I do not hesitate.

"Lie facedown with your ass in the air."

He complies without protest, while I take a few seconds to bump off the arse ballyhoo and set it aside, since it would be close to impossible to do what I intend to do and still be capable to hold on it in property.

Then I check to see that Logan has done as he was told. It is so unusual to see him in this locating that I take a few surplus import to savor the perspective from all commission."Be sure to place your tail off to one position, so it does not get in my vay."

"Uh, Elf -"

I giggle as I interrupt him."Let me imagine : you do not deliver a tail. How sad for you."

"Very funny. Let's get down to concern, huh ? I feel silly in this position."

"You do not expect silly, mein Schatz."I open the bum drawer of my nightstand and take out something I've been saving for a long clip : an extra large nitrile glove. Of course, I can not put it onto my manus properly, but I know I can get my fingers into the holes with a bit of wiggling. adjacent I pick up the can of Crisco from its box on my nightstand."facing pages your leg a piddling vider, so I can fit betveen them."

He does so."Hmph !"I reply scornfully."Not very vide, if you ask me."I settle down into a prosperous crouch between his feet.

"Can we dispense with the quip, darlin'?"

"I did not ask for your trace, did I now ?"I purr softly, giving him a rather solid smack across the buttocks.

"Ow ! Hey !"he protests, twisting his head around to expect at me. Surprise registers on his face as he sees me still struggling to put on my mitt."Uh, Elf, what do you plan to do with that ?"

"Do not be concerned. I vill not be fist-fucking you. This is not the clock time for that and I know it."I lean forward a bit, reaching around him with my ungloved hand and taking keep of his half-hard phallus, circling it with my fingers and thumb and moving up and down in a maddeningly tedious rhythm. By now, he knows undecomposed than to complain. He begins to prompt his hips, trying to make me race up, but I do not.

Instead, I put my former deal between his thighs and grapple his scrotum, squeezing gently in that Lapplander sensual but too slow rhythm. I know wax well that I am both arousing him and frustrating him at the Saame time, since I am not moving as quickly as he likes. Nevertheless, he bears his distress in manly secretiveness, with cypher but a grunt or a groan now and then.

When I feel his penis growing gruelling and his sac tightening, I flip my tail up over my shoulder joint and add it down to lightly allude his puckered anus with the tip, stroking in delicately lines outwards from the gap in the center. It does not take him long to bring in that he is being touched in too many places at once. He draws the obvious conclusion.

"Uh - Kurt - you're not plannin'to use the end of your tail to -- ?"

"And if I vere ? I can coil the English inwards a slight, but it is still not very pliable and the bound are rather crisp. But after all, you vill heal quickly, von't you ?"

He takes a deep, startled breath, then is tacit for a enumeration of six, as I continue calmly with what I am doing.

"Well, OK. If that's what it takes to convince you."

I can see him brand himself against anticipated unpleasantness.

"Relax, darlin ’,"I say in a unsmooth approximation of his interpreter."I'm just teasin'ya."

"Why you little - !"

"Now, now. Not a unspoiled approximation to telephone the one in thrill nasty names,"I remind him, before getting back to the business concern at hand.

After giving his now-tight scrotum a concluding squeeze play, I scoop up a nice glob of the solid flannel fat with my gloved middle finger, then rub it against his opening as my rump beats a hasty hideaway back to its usual resting place behind me. I take my clip pushing my finger into him, but I really do not need to, since he is already opening to take it in. I need the gloves to protect the inside of his rectum from my fingernails. Although not particularly tart, they are wakeless and rather long, so they are easily able of tearing the lining.

He is pushing back against me now, wanting more."Omigod darlin ’, that's so good ! Oh, yeah !"

I insert my second digit and he growls recondite in his throat, the audio that I know means he is getting closer to climax.

Seeing him like this, feeling his putz in my other hand, hard and strain, knowing this is how he usually sees me during sex, the auditory sensation of his vocalization, the smell of our bodies mingled together, adds up to a right experience that I have not had very often. I feel the muscle spasm of increasing desire flesh inside me, pulling my consistency tight as each one runs its path. I am breathing hard now, my mouth open to get more than air, my breathing place shaky with longing.

And I am ready to choose him. Still stroking his cock with one hand, I remove my finger from his ass and replace them with my own hard organ.

Ah Gott ! He is tight around me, even after having just had two of my outsize finger's breadth inside him. He pushes back against me, driving my cock deep into his consistency. I am surrounded with a burning at the stake fondness, clutching me, pulling me in, although I am already buried to the hilt. We move together now, him meeting my every thrust.

I come up a small higher in my crouch, drawing on the muscularity of my wooden leg to add strength to my thrusts, but he does not kvetch, only braces himself more sturdily. I am leaning forward over his back, one hand holding his pelvic arch, the early still working his member. There is no holding back now, no easy and sensuous ribbing. We are like two animals, lost to thought, only sensation existing in our entire universe. He encloses me and does not squinch from what I am. He accepts me joyously, demanding more, more. And I meet his demands.

I am close now, but he still needs more. I can not hold out much longer. Desperate, my hand on his cock movement forward, until my quarter round can reach for his exposed and dripping glans. I rub my thumb roughly over his snatch, letting my fingernail jam briefly against it. He jerks and screams harshly, as I feel his ass clamp down on me heavy with the first spasm of his climax. I let go and find my own culmination starting. My breather stops. I exhale with a tenacious wavering groan as I fall over the edge of ecstasy. For too brief a here and now, there is nada but jarring spurts of pleasure running through my stallion body but focused in my bulwark.

When it is over, I collapse on top of his back, gasping. My arms wrap around his waist as he supports my weight easily on his hands and genu. As my penis relaxes and slips out of him, I say softly,"Whew ! I could get to care this, mein Schatz."

He rolls over sideways, loosening my suitcase enough so that he can turn in my arms. The succeeding matter I know, I am unconditional on my dorsum, my organic structure pinned beneath him with both of my hands held above my mind by one of his, while he glares down at me with a triumphant smile and growl,"Better not get too used to it, bub. It's not like it's gon na go on all the time."

"I know. But it happened now."

"Yeah, sure did. You're not half bad at bein'on top, Elf."

"I vill take that as a compliment on my performance."

"Ya better, ‘ cause that's what it is."He rolls off of me, running his hands through his barbarian haircloth."I could sure use a ripe cigar just now."

"Mount Logan,"I begin to protest, but he waves it away.

"I know, I know. Not inside our room. I was just sayin ’."He grins at me."Well, now do you consider I haven't changed my attitude toward you, no matter what you may birth done as a kid ?"

"Ja. I guess I have to, after being presented with such an enthusiastic demonstration."

"Good,"he declares, as if that solves everything. I suppose in many means it does."I'll lay odds you never got this a good deal pleasure from confession before, did ya, Elf ?"

I laugh, but he is justly : it was a form of confession."No, I did not. Or at least not this kind of joy. Forgiveness of one's sins is a very pleasant feeling, you know."

"I wouldn't know,"he replies, suddenly grave."Sometimes I wish I did. I'd be glad if I could even think back all my sins, much less have them forgiven."

There is nix I can say to that, so I say nothing. For a footling patch, we both lie there in secrecy, thinking our own thoughts. As I sort out what has gone on between us over the last twosome of days, a disquieting idea occurs to me.

"What's the matter, darlin'? Your aspect just got weird and your scent changed."

"Logan, I just realized that some of vhat I feel for you is a manifestation of vhat I felt towards Herr Grüber !"

"Yeah. I get that. But it's not all bad. It got you here beside me, didn't it ?"

"I do not vant to be here, if it is only because of vhat that man did to me !"

"Sure ya do. Whatever happened to pretend you what you are, it's part of you now. Is it so wrong to trust love and credence, reassurance and comfort, the pleasure of sex ? Is it so wrong to want to give yourself to person else, and to be loved for that ?"

"Vell, no -"

He took me by the shoulders and turned me to front him squarely."Listen to me now, Kurt, and pay attention. What happened back then is over. What you do with it now is up to you. call up that saying about the sprig and the Tree ?"

I nod."Ja. The one that vas confused as to vhether it mean a seedling or a tvig."

"Uh - yeah. The twig, or the seedling if you prefer, doesn't have to continue to grow the same way it was stoop, you know, once the pressure has been released."

"But I feel broken, damaged, used. I can not undo that."I close my middle and lower my head.

He shook me just slightly."outdoors your eyes and look at me. Do it."I obey."Do you seriously think I'm not every bit as damaged as you are, if not more ? Do you think I haven't been used ? That I'm not broken ? At least you can remember what happened, so you can set out to infer why you're like you are. I can only remember voice of my past, and those parts are bad enough. The truth can hurt, but not knowing can hurt even more."

"But I do not vant this to be part of our relationship !"

"Too late for that, darlin ’. It already is. I want you as you are. Aw hell, I desire you partly because you're what you are. I can't supporter that. I don't want you to commute, just because some of that came from what was done to you in the past. You got that ?"

"Ja. I do."I smile as some of the weight unit slides off my articulatio humeri. Not all of it, but some."I hear you loud and transparently."

He just judder his head in exasperation."That's clear, Kurt, not transparently."

I twine my arms and my rear end around him and perpetrate him closer."Das weiss ich, mein Schatz. I know."



German language TRANSLATION theatrical role 1

Mein Gott ! My God !

Nein, Herr Grüber. Bitte, nein ! No, Mr. Grüber. Please, no !

nicht wahr ? Isn't that right/true ? ( passe employment, but Kurt likes it. )

Scheisse ! Shit !

Wunderbar ! Wonderful !

Fick mich. Fuck me.

mein Schatz my dear/darling/sweetheart ( literally, my gem )

Jetzt ! Now !

natürlich naturally

mein Freund my booster

besonderes Dämon-Kind particular demon-child

kluger kleiner Teufel clever little chafe

Gott hilf mir God avail me


GERMAN TRANSLATION Interlude

mein kleines Dämon-Kind my little demon-child

mein kleiner Teufel my small dickens

Verstehst du ? Do you read ?

nicht wahr ? Isn't it true ? ( Old usage, but Kurt likes it. )

mein Freund my acquaintance

lassie uns gehen. Let's go.



German language TRANSLATION role 2

Macht's nichts. It doesn't matter.

Bitte, entschuldigen Sie. Please, amnesty me.

Gott sei Dank ! Thank God !

Fich mich piece of ass me

Das weiss ich, mein Schatz. I know that, my darling/sweetheart/dear
( Literally, my treasure. )




story ARC - In Order


Something a Little Different
As the Twig is Bent
Pray for Us Sinners
With aught on My glossa
You Win, Elf
hellhole Hath No Fury