“ The Judgment of SGT. J": A Short Introduction

I would like to thank everyone for your email thanking me for sharing my life history storey"Swinging in the Neighborhood"with you all. In telling my story I never thought I would get the reaction I did ; especially from fellow vets. It was just not from Socialist Republic of Vietnam veterans but from vets who had served recently in Iraq, Islamic State of Afghanistan and some situation I did not even know we were involved.

about were thanking me for showing them that there were others like themselves. They thought they alone walked this earthly concern with their devil. They did not realize that many of us have been into the darkness. nigh had kept their demons hidden from those around them. about could only blame the ogre on love lost or friends that were no longer friends.

A lot took my advice of talking to a have it off one or just talking to a gent vet. They found as I had long ago that talking about your demons that you carry ; lessen the cargo of the extra baggage we returned dwelling with after the war. It always brought a grinning to my grimace and filled my heart with lovingness when they would differentiate me in their emails.

"Thanks to your story Sgt. J I am dealing with my demons."“ My wife has noticed I deal with unremarkable stress better and she now understands why I had trouble dealing with them in the first place."“ Sgt. J you have shown me there is hope for me after all."“ I have drove two wives away because of my demons and was about to misplace my third, thanks Sgt. J for showing me the way out of the darkness and into my wife ‘ s arms again."Those were just a few fleck of the many electronic mail I received from you my readers.

I had more than a few vet's wife email me thanking me for finally getting their married man to recount them about the daimon they had brought back with them. Their husbands never shared that parting of their life with them and after hearing, what some had been through. It gave them an understanding of why that the man they fell in sexual love with was no longer with them.

In almost all the emails I received most wanted to hump two matter. One was just how that home of mine is doing. The instant was when you are going to write again. I had the support of my family when I wrote my life narrative as they thought it would be good therapy.

I did not have a go at it that I was about to place myself on an emotional roller coaster in writing of my life. I relived every single chapter I wrote. I relived that damn Vietnam War which I do every day anyways. I felt the pain, the despair of losing be intimate 1 as well as the suffering some endured in my story. I even felt each osculation and the cerebrovascular accident of Carrie's hand to my face as I wrote my story.

Due to some Holocene events in my biography, I feel it is my duty to add to my life tarradiddle. I was not going to do this however, the family I hold darling and near to my heart encouraged me as well as prodded me to write once more. The chief driving force has been my endearing girl Sherri.

"dada you have to write about what happened,"Sherri said to me."You owe it not only to your referee but to yourself as well,"she added.

I was unsure of whether to pen of the Holocene upshot in my life story. Mainly because the Holocene events had caused me to interview myself on most of the determination, I had made during my life. I agreed to spell again but only if my phratry would help me with my project.

There will be chapters with them telling of past issue they shared or endured with me. I am doing so I can see if my determination I had chosen in my life history were the right ones or had I caused more scathe than good. It is not easy to query 1 self without knowing just how the person you may have touched feels as well.

Let me enter you the quest writers who will be telling their story of my intrusion into there lives. I am married to two lovely women Kay and Cathy. Kay is my legal wife while Cathy is my given wife as Kay rather gave her to me. Sherri is Kay's daughter who I adopted old age ago and she has only ever known me as daddy. To me she will always be my little princess who I love and adore as if she was my own.

Sherri is married to Duke a adorn war veteran like myself. They have a sweet daughter by the public figure of Michelle who is now 11 going on 16. While she calls me"PAPA ”, my family and friends call me John Lackland. You my readers know me as SGT. J.

Kay, Cathy and Sherri have decided to be our guest writers as long as I help them. My granddaughter Michelle will not be writing because as a family we have hidden most from her. She only knows her"daddy,"has the one who spoils her. Duke is undecided as of now but he may unite us when and if the time is right on. His reasoning to me was as follow :

"I can not speak immorality against one like myself, a army forest fire fighter, for we are crony. For any who speaks against a chum or judges his brother, speaks evil against the code and jurist the code. For if you judge the code, you are not a doer of the computer code but a judge."

"There is but one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destruct. So who am I to judge you ?

I believe the boy has been hanging around me for too long. If you were a new reader of this chronicle, then you would be doing yourself a party favor in reading my other storey"swinging in the neck of the woods"from the beginning in order to sympathize me as well as others in my news report. There are 31 Chapters to that fib so I decided to publish a new story entitled,"The Judgment of Sgt. J."

My story is one of war, romance, sex, pain, despair, and of the tragedies, my syndicate or I have faced. Mine is a write up filled with wraith from the yesteryear as well as an holy person that guides my soul. You may find yourself shaking your head in disgust over a chapter or you may find yourself in tears feeling the emotion as well as the hurt and despair I type with to you. I pull no punches or whitewash over any event in my life as I write.

For I write the only way I know and that is from my heart. The emotions I feel when I write I try to have you live as well. I do this not because I want you to feel my anguish, the pain, the hurt person or I face in my story. I do it because you must experience it in club to read it. In doing so, you may encounter that you even understand yourself a small unspoilt. I look in my mirror every day and I see myself. Whom do you see ?

I am not looking for you to find sorry for me nor do you owe me anything. I do not write out of self-pity for myself. I accepted the hand destiny dealt to me when I played card game with him and the filth Reaper during Vietnam. I write this way only because like many other men I live by the code.

"What code is that ?"You ask.

'' Truth, honour, Bravery and the bravery to take action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is right-hand and just, ''"To never cave in up hope,"I say to you as my lips tremble.

I have followed and lived by that code going on 44 yr now. Since 1969 back when I was a bare boy from the locality fighting in a land they called Vietnam. I went to that war because a little girl had broken my heart. I also unknowing broke another miss's nub when I ran off to that damn war.

That girls name was Carrie I knew not of her feelings for me for I was too unsighted to have seen them. She had written me letters during my two years in that inferno. I never read any of them until I was on my way home from my initiatory tour. If I had only read them before I might not have signed up for the secondment one. I fell in dearest with her and wanted to create her my wife. However, I was afraid I would only make her a widow.

I returned to that body politic they called Vietnam a alter individual. My firstly tour had turned me from a mere boy into a man. Some would even say a deranged man as the monster within me controlled most of my action at law during that fourth dimension keeping me safe. During my minute circuit in Vietnam, I was at odds with the ogre within me as well as myself. The ogre wanted to bet war while all I wanted to do was to be home with Carrie in my arms.

With the auditory sensation of"pawl Snap,"my war was over. Four men walked that jungle this Nox only one would walk out of it. person in our scouting patrol had stepped on a mine. Three brave men lost their aliveness that dark while another walked under the hobo camp canopy that Night mortally wounded. I should not have even been able to move let alone walkway. Something inside me took over and I had but one purpose that night which was to work it back domicile to Carrie.

I awoke some months later from a coma in a hospital in Nihon. Carrie was there waiting for me to return from the dead. However, I returned a broken man ; shrapnel littered my dresser, my spinal column and ramification. The doctors told Carrie and me there was a piece of shrapnel near my vertebral column that had caused to the highest degree of the hurt. There was also a diminished composition near my heart.

"We can not slay the one near his heart and for right now it is causing him no problems and would probably vote out him if we did remove it,"The doctor said."The one at his prickle we can bump off but there is a prospect he would be paralyzed for life in doing so,"he added.

I had him engage on me not to make me complete again. I was hoping I would die during this surgery thus joining the souls of the men I lost in Vietnam. I wanted my war to be finally over however it was to become only the beginning.

I survived the operation and I would have got to chance another way to join my fallen comrades. I faced a major battle in my retrieval. I did not need to live and cover with what lies ahead of me which was months of therapy to regain the use of my leg and my arm. If not for Carrie being at my side, I would not be writing this today.

I tried to institutionalize her away as I was unsure if I would ever walk again. I became helpless when she was with me. I had her hired man me something that I could cause easily reached for with my working arm. I tried to convert her I was no long that man she had fallen in love with years ago.

Carrie would not let me give up on myself or on us. She would move my legs with her hands daily bending them at my knees. I only sunk deeper into my own depression as well as into the darkness that surround my mortal. That war had given me more than than just my wounds ; it had scarred my brain for animation for I carried demons with me from that war, creatures that walked in the night.

Carrie went on with doing what she thought was right moving my peg daily for the next two workweek or so. The next day when she came into my way and started to work my legs, I by passed my heart as I unleashed the ogre I carried in my soul.

"Get your shucks fucking hands off my useless wooden leg,"I yelled at her.

"John, don't say clobber like that when you do it means you have given up hope,"Carrie replied."Remember this always John,"“ Never give up promise,"Carrie added smiling at me.

"I GAVE up on Leslie Townes Hope after hearing the click snap and it did not remove my fucking life,"I screamed at her like some type of a lunatic.

Carrie looked to me with sadness in her lovely dingy eyes as she said,"If you gave up on Hope then you have given up on us as well, John."“ Goodbye whoremonger, I am leaving and you will never see me again,"Carrie added as she started out of the infirmary room.

I watched Carrie walking toward the doorway. Suddenly that articulation within my head that had guided me through Vietnam. The one I called the goliath within spoke loudly in my head.

"SGT. J you stop that girlfriend NOW,"the monster within said.

"CARRIE, delight don't leave me alone,"I screamed from my hospital bed.

Carrie walked back to the bed where she stroked her gentle hand against the side of my face as she said,"Hush, hush my beloved or the animal of the night will get you."

"I am sorry Carrie, please do not ever bequeath me for I fear being alone,"I replied to her.

"privy, as long as you have hope you are never alone."Carrie said smiling at me.

I looked up into her pin-up blue eyes. They sparkled and shined as I stared into them. Her optic took me to our happy lieu by the lake. The spot I went to in my mind to be with her during Vietnam.

I stared into her heart as the blue-blooded imbrication of the undulation against the shoreline filled my ears. I saw the Moon dancing across the water with to many wiz to matter behind it. Carrie was standing there with her munition out and open waiting for me to conjoin her as her long blonde hair blew gently in the night's breeze.

My mind seemed to go blank until I heard the behemoth with in say,"SGT.J you move your leg now and that is an Holy Order SGT."

My leg gave a dork much to Carrie and to my surprisal. I should have known better for the goliath within was my friend and he had kept me animated for the last three years while in the jungles of Vietnam. He was once again helping me to survive. Carrie wrapped her sleeve around me as I lie in bed. I felt my left field arm twitch as if it wanted to hug her back.

Carrie pulled away from me as she said,"See what a little Leslie Townes Hope can do for you."

It was a long arduous struggle almost two year but with Carrie's aid, a footling Bob Hope and the teras within I walked down the aisle marrying her on June 3, 1974. Carrie finished college earning a doctoral-level level in psychology. She wrote her terminus newspaper publisher based on me as she tried to facilitate me to allot with my Socialist Republic of Vietnam memories and the monster I brought back. We even started a little support group where Carrie helped me as well as other Vietnam vet who worked for us to administer with our problems.

Life was estimable and Carrie and I enjoyed it to the entire. We had money and a construction company my uncle had turned over to me. We lived the lifestyle in which we grew up back in our vicinity that being swingers. We even turned our slight firm on the lake into a swinger hideaway. life sentence was good and while I was still having nightmares and flashbacks to that blasted war. As long as Carrie was with me, I would survive them.

Then we gave up on swinging deciding it was prison term to take off a home. vision of having a syndicate with Carrie would always fill up my psyche when I was doing my job in Vietnam. Thoughts like those were serious for one during war as I found out the hard way. I wanted Carrie as my wife and maybe three or four children running around. That was my hopes, my pipe dream however ; all I got was a nightmare that has lasted all these geezerhood.

Carrie became pregnant near the end of September 1979. She became even more beautiful to me during that time. That woman and our unborn child had become the only thing I cared about or ever wanted.

I lost Carrie the woman I loved with my heart and someone on May 10, 1980. I never got to keep our unborn daughter genus Melissa as well. I can not bear reliving that nightmare so if you seek details find them in Chapter 12 of my life story.

My life was over I could not and did not want to go on animation. I did what I had done all my life I ran. I sold that planetary house on the lake we had called household, as it was no longer like a home to me. We also owed a home in a near by town as I always worried about her being alone during the hard winter on the lake, which I did not sell, but it sat unused by anyone for many class a forgotten winter home for Carrie and our child to be safe in while I battled winter storms coming off the lake in a snowplow truck.

I told everyone I was going to fish my way out to California just to see that sunset Carrie used to tell me she enjoyed. That was my plow narration for running away. I took to the bottleful, drugs or anything that could take away my pain in the ass away. Losing Carrie had taken everything from me, all I had left were the demon I carried with me. I no longer had any dreams or Bob Hope for a future.

Nine or eleven month later, I decided I have had adequate. I had just been in a bar scrap in which I would experience taken another man's life if it was not for the spook of Carrie stopping me. This was not the first of all time her ghost had visited me nor would it be her endure. I returned to my hotel elbow room with the answer to all my problems.

I sat on the edge of the bed as I picked up the 45. I chambered a bout before I shoved the bbl into my mouth. My lips tasted freedom as the barrel slipped into my back talk. I closed my heart as a imaginativeness filled my head.

The mollify lapping of the lake's water against the shoreline filled my spike. I saw the moon as it danced across the water. The night sky had many stars shining bright too many for me to count. I saw Carrie standing there with her arms folded shaking her head back and forth.

She looked like an angel as she stood there at the pee edge the moon silhouetting her. She had a lambency around her and she looked even more beautiful than I remembered her ever looking.

"Put the gun down, lav,"Carrie said as she opened her arms for me motioning for me to come to her.

I went to her afford arms taking her into mine. I hugged her tightly as I said,"It's the just way to be with you my love."

Carrie pushed me from her arms as she replied,"John, if you do that I will not waitress for you."Carrie rubbed her hand to the position of my human face as she added,"Always remember lavatory, to live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."

Carrie started to fade away and before she was gone she said,"Remember John never give up Bob Hope and I will always be here for you just look to your heart and soul when you need me."

That was the first time saint Carrie came into my life. From then on she guided me down the road we call life history. I went to rehab and got my life back together. When I hit a bump in the road, I looked to my heart. Angel Carrie was soon there to guide me in the veracious direction. I asked angel Carrie once during a dream just what her purpose in guiding me was.

"Others will require you and the codification you follow, John,"holy man Carrie said smiling at me.

"`` accuracy, purity, Bravery and the courage to hold action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is right and just, ''"To never yield up hope,"those give-and-take filled my mind.

Those who have followed my account know I have followed and used those codes much through my life. Angel Carrie guided me to three lost somebody trapped and lost within their own swarthiness. They were Kay, her daughter Sherri and Cathy. Really, it was two as to Cathy ; I had driven her into the darkness.

I have followed these codes faithfully for 44 years never once questioning them or straying from them. In breaking one of my codes, I began to oppugn my legal opinion of everything I have done in my life. Had I really helped those around me or give birth I only caused them more trauma ?

'' verity, Honor, Bravery and the bravery to guide action when others do not, '' `` To always do what is right and just, ''"To never give up hope,"those words I would say proudly as one of the very offset army ranger.

During my tours in Viet Nam, I was with the Long compass Reconnaissance Patrol ( LRRP ) and Long mountain range Patrol companies ( also known as Lurps ) which began in the mid-1960s as a reactive requisite to the US Army 's lack of units capable of reconnaissance behind opposition line of descent. On 1 January 1969, under the new U.S. Army fight subdivision Regimental organisation ( railway car ), these units turned into Rangers in Confederacy Vietnam within the 75th foot Regiment ( Texas Ranger ). I was with the 75th during this sentence so I became a ranger.

Today's rangers earn their title while men like me in Vietnam were given the form of address. However, we earned ours in fighting. Others judged us on and by our action mechanism as well. All of us were leave to apply our life-time's to stop anyone from taking or removing one's freedom. Our actions over in Vietnam helped to direct next army forest fire fighter for today's warfare.

Those Bible do not seem important to me any longer. They used to mean a lot to me especially"Never give up hope."We had added that one when I returned dwelling house from Vietnam bringing with me demons from that war. The one I broke is probably the most important one to me and one, which has had the most posture on my life,"Never give up hope."

Those Good Book have echoed in my mind since the day Carrie used them at me in the infirmary after my war was over. She would tell them to me and fellow Vietnam veteran soldier back in 74 and 75. During this time, we were trying to avail early ex-serviceman who like me had brought daemon home with them from Vietnam. She would always end our confluence we held at our fiddling household on the lake with those news. I had always held those words close and near to my pump since that night Angel Carrie stopped me from pulling the trigger on that 45 in my rima oris.

It was not just one result but also a series of events that led to breaking of the code. It all started with the Vietnam War, as you will see as the narration plays out as I write it. That dam war has been a part or a player in my biography for 44 years. I curse it forever happening and myself forever becoming involved with it. That dam war of yearn ago came back to obsess me unfit than it ever had in the past.

I am writing this intro for the benefit of any new lecturer to my story. It will kick in them an musical theme of what kind of person I was. For I am no longer certain if maybe those who I have had contact with are salutary off today or not. cerebration of Kay, Sherri and Cathy fill my intellect as well as ones of my dearest Carrie and anyone else I have had contact with might have been amend off if they had never met me. I am here writing this new story due to the effect that happened recently in my living that caused to me to go against my codification.

As I type, I am sitting in judgment of myself. My story does not deliver an ending yet as you, the lecturer will discover the ending as I decide upon it. The effect leading up to all of this will be forth coming through the chapters that follow. I will be reliving my life through the eye of those who lived it with me. I hope that I will see just whether those whose aliveness I touched are better with me or without me.

I end this introduction to my new narration with a quotation mark that I once heard.

There is a saying in Tibetan,"Tragedy should be utilized as a seed of strength."“ No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that 's our substantial disaster."
― Dalai Lama XIV

The first chapter will be out on Fri afternoon following this abruptly entry and others chapters will follow. How many I can not say other than as many as it takes. As always, I look forward to your comments and your emails. If nothing else just stop by and say Sgt. J"hello again."
Sgt. J