`` What floor ? '' I asked as I looked down from the scaffolding in high spirits above Magdelene Street while
answering my cell phone.

'' The waiting room floor, '' a char with a plummy stress insisted, `` It 's staining the roof downstairs it really is not sound enough ! ``

'' And where is this ? '' I asked, she told me, it did n't register.

'' London ! '' she said.

'' That was weeks ago ! '' I explained.

'' wellspring it 's not good enough, either you rectify it at no monetary value or I shall sue. ``

'' OK, text me the address, '' I agreed, `` I 'll see what I can do. ``

'' I want rather more than a vague promise, '' she said, `` You finish at five, I shall anticipate you at seven this evening, that should throw you time for shower and a cheese burger. ``

'' That 's hotfoot hour ! '' I protested.

'' Leaving John Griffith Chaney favourite, not coming in, seven o'clock or I sue. ``

I did n't have often selection really, so I thew my peter in the old passage at knocking off sentence and headed unit of ammunition mums for a bite to eat and a shower before hitting the M40 East bound.

The traffic was n't bad, not my way, westbound was like a car park but I went well until past the M25 where it got a bit sticky.

I got round her place around ten to seven, an old fashioned townspeople sign with a few dance step up to the front threshold and a few down to the basement, probably 1880 ish, bath stone faced to get-go story level then generate, a red brick structure basically thrown up on the cheap.

'' You 're early, '' she said censoriously as she opened the front door.

'' We aim to delight, '' I quipped.

'' Well improve your aim, '' she said as she stepped back to allow me into the hall. She looked later thirties acted like ninety, snotty bitch.

The kitchen doorway opened, `` Mistress, '' a girl 's vocalism trilled.

'' Not now kitten, '' the woman insisted.

'' But schoolma'am, I have to be, oops ! '' she said.

I stared, she was wearing a maid outfit about four size too small, her tit swelled over the top and it barely reached below her navel which must have been chilly as she was n't wearing any knickers.

'' Sorry mistress. '' she said.

'' Well close the door, and put your eyeball back in, they 're on stalks ! '' the 'Mistress .'insisted, `` You simply ca n't get the staff. ``

'' But ! '' I said stupidly.

'' Oh come alive up and smell the coffee, '' she insisted, `` Really the diminished mindedness of the typical British people actor never fails to astonish me. ``

'' None of my stage business lady. '' I agreed, `` Or is that Mistress. ``

'' Do n't push it. '' she said as she locked the external door behind me, `` But we are not here to discuss my intimate preferences, nor yours for that issue. ``

She led me through to the waiting room, strangely the floor was as I left it, sealed tongue and groove stripped pine, it looked fine.

'' What 's the problem ? '' I asked as I noticed a hard smell of disinfectant.

'' It leaks, '' she said, `` It is staining the basement ceiling. ``

'' What leaks ? '' I asked.

'' The storey, '' she said, `` news leak, you were instructed to seal it. ``

'' Not against water passing water, '' I explained, `` But the periodic spillage should be ok. ``

'' That is not what we agreed, '' she insisted.

'' I suppose I could generate it another coat, '' I offered, `` Why does it smell of disinfectant ? ``

'' You had in effect see the basement, '' she said, and she swept past me and led me down the stairs from the spacious modern kitchen to the old cramped kitchen below and through to the store room formerly servants foyer beneath the lounge.

The ceiling was stained brown.

'' Crikey, that 's not water, '' I said, and I rubbed my fingerbreadth against the low ceiling and tasted it, `` That 's, yuck, where does the plumbing go. ``

'' Can you seal it ? '' she asked.

'' No, this is the clog up drainage, zip to do with me, '' I said.

'' You said Navy SEAL, come upstairs again Mr Allington, '' she said, `` Let me demonstrate. ``

She went back to the couch, `` Pippa ! '' she said, `` Show our guest the trouble. ``

'' Mistress ? '' she queried, `` But he 's a man mistress ? ``

'' Very nearly Pippa, '' she said, `` But show him how you show attrition. ``

'' I ca n't madam. '' she said firmly.

'' I 'll get the cat in a minute of arc, '' the 'Mistress ,'threatened.

My mind boggled, she had done her scoop but her tits still bulged from her top and at least the bum match of inch of her kitty were clearly displayed below the hem of her skirt.

'' No please schoolmistress, '' she pleaded.

'' So do it you stupid nipper, '' she insisted.

I had no idea what was about to happen when quite improbably she squatted down and started to do a wee on the fine-tune floor.

'' Bleedin'hell ! '' I swore, `` No goddam wonder it escape and stench, have n't you ever get wind of washbasin, Thomas Crapper, Armitage Ware and all that ? ''

'' And in your small minded world have you no knowledge of piss sports ? '' she asked.

'' Certainly have, '' I said, `` Surfing at Newquay, Jet Skis, water skiing, but not pissing on the life elbow room floor. ``

'' And it had no effect on you at all ? '' she asked.

'' No, '' I lied for my old man had come to lifetime quite painfully if I was honest, stuck down my trouser leg when he needed some place,

'' semen Mr Allingon, '' she said, `` You have an erection which would n't disgrace a full grown rabbit. ``

'' Hey ? '' I queried, `` What do you mean Rabbit ? ``

'' Precisely, '' she explained, `` I am afraid I much prefer a nice rigid forearm to the transitory rigourousness of the manly fellow member, have I shocked you Mr Allington ? ``

She certainly had, `` No, '' I lied, `` Well pissing on the floor is a bit of a gob scag if I 'm honest. ``

'' She 's very, love to me, so I keep her on a short rein, '' the 'Mistress'explained, `` She has a delightfully tiny fist. ``

Pippa was smiling coyly at me, `` But she does like peter, '' the fancy woman said sadly.

'' What exactly as this to do with sealing floors ? '' I asked.

'' Your erection Loretta Young man, '' she explained, `` I fear you have designs on my associate. ``

'' Of grade I got a hard on ! '' I said, `` Who would n't ? ``

'' 90 seven percentage of the adult universe, '' she replied, `` Watersports is a minority fetich Mr Allington. ``

'' Right, '' I agreed, `` Well given the pick I would favor the old Seth Thomas can urinal to the living elbow room story any day. ``

'' But, given the selection of her mouth, my mouth, in my hair, in her hair, Mr Allington ? '' she asked.

'' I, I never gave it a thought, '' I admitted.

'' The exemption to go when the mood takes you, '' she queried.

'' They used to prevent bedroom pots under the bed when my grand dad was a boy, '' I agreed.

'' Not quite my stop Mr Allington, '' she conceded, `` But you did n't answer, does n't the thought of your piss arcing through the air to soak my dress, my bandeau, my breasts, does that not excite you ? ``

'' I, '' I said.

'' Your lips are silent yet your stopcock speaks volume, '' she said delightedly.

'' You do n't like cocks, '' I reminded her.

'' No, but Pippa does, '' she admitted, `` Poor girl she is so delightful yet I can not quite reciprocate, I am not heartless Mr Allington, but neither am I stupid, which is why I keep Pippa on a short leash, from her revealing clothing to. ``

'' She 's a prisoner ? '' I asked.

'' To all intents and determination, '' she conceded, `` I treat her like a dog. ``

'' Excuse me ? '' I said.

'' I take her for walks in the park, '' she said, `` Have I shocked you, after darkness you understand, with the turd scoop. ``

'' Right ? '' I said.

'' She is not allowed to use the washstand, ever, she just mops up afterwards, '' she explained, `` Like a dog, a squawk. ``

'' And that turns you on ? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Absolutely, and I see I am not alone ! '' she laughed.

I had my hired man down my jeans, my cock was twisted up with my underpants and it was agony.

'' Mr Allington ! '' she said, `` delight ! ``

'' look, it 's not what it looks like, '' I said.

'' Masturbating, '' she said, `` Is a rather individualist activity not readily misidentify for any early. ''

'' I 'm just uncomfortable that 's all, '' I protested.

'' Which is clearly why you are masturbating, '' she declared.

'' flavor, '' I said, `` You need coats and coats of varnish, yacht varnish or something seriously waterproof, '' I explained, `` Not just sealing, you should have explained what you had in psyche when you had the place done, I just subbed on the floors. ``

'' Subbed ? '' she said, `` You are hardly a sub Mr Allington. ``

'' Sub contract, strictly President Benjamin Harrison are liable, '' I explained.

'' No, I paid you directly Mr Allington, '' she explained.

'' That was just a trifle, '' I explained.

'' Which never the less makes you unresistant. '' she pointed out.

'' So. I 'll do the waterproofing again, '' I said.

'' Which you admit will not cure the job ? '' she said.

'' No it needs right waterproofing, '' I told her.

'' How much ? '' she asked.

'' Maybe ten coating, '' I said, `` twenty four hours to dry between, its ludicrous ! ``

'' I 'll pay for materials, '' she said.

'' Great, '' I said, `` There 's travelling and. ''

'' I 'll pay for gasoline, '' she said.

'' No way, '' I insisted.

'' Think about pissing in Pippa 's back talk, '' she said, `` Or mine. ``

'' What ? '' I demanded.

'' I think you understand exactly what I am offering. ``

I stared, you know, a stuck up, upper heart class bitch, who would n't need to wee-wee in her face ? but Pippa, well, to be reliable I just wanted to ram my straining prick deep in her odoriferous pink pussy.

'' I do n't have it off, '' I said, `` It will be a lot of work. ``

'' And a lot of fun, '' she added, `` And Pippa has n't had any cock for age have you sweetie ? ``

'' No Mistress, '' Pippa agreed.

'' And you do like stopcock do n't you ? '' the 'Mistress'asked.

'' I like you fingerbreadth and my play kept woman, '' Pippa replied.

'' But she prefers putz, '' the 'Mistress'confirmed, `` I too have a soft spot for it but as I mentioned a set forearm beats a flexible turncock on every I level.

'' If we do this, like we need the entirely room bare, no furniture, it will be about a week after the last coat before you can risk using it again, twelve hr before you dare even walk on it. ``

'' Oh, '' she said, `` I see. ``

'' But why do n't you have a wet room in the basement, tile the floor like a shower, tile the bulwark a bit too, not Patrick White but maybe slate Second Earl Grey or something, then you can play there, '' I suggested.

'' Yes, why not indeed, as a temporary bar and for those awful wet Nox, '' she enthused, `` How much ? ``

I did a bit of mental, `` Well to piss a job we really need to take out the existing, stick in a membrane. ``

'' How much ? '' she demanded. I gave her a ball park, `` Really ? and how long ? ``

'' Two days, then you 'll want a plumber to do the shower heads or sprinklers, '' I suggested.

'' When can you start. '' she asked.

'' Monday week if I can get the tile, if you 're not fussed colour wise it should be promiscuous enough. ''

'' Excellent, '' she agreed, `` Email me the final exam quotation and I am for sure we have a deal. Can I get you a field glass of something before you go ? '' she asked.

I looked longingly at Pippa as she gently fingered her exposed cunt while she looked longingly at the bulge in my jeans.

'' No, thanks, breathaliser and all that, '' I said apologetically.

'' commodity, then I 'll see you out, thank you. '' she said.

'' good, yes, '' I said as I stood up, `` Goodbye Pippa, nice to see you, '' I said and she blushed ruby, it was n't what I meant so I expect I blushed as well.

I went through the hall and the 'Mistress'showed me out through the movement door, `` The Tradesman 's entranceway is down the steps to the right hand, '' she explained, `` au revoir Mr Allington. '' the 'Mistress'said as I went outside.

'' Good night, '' I said, I nearly said 'Mistress ,'but I did n't and I went back to the theodolite with a big smile on my face, I just turned a complaint into two days paid work.

Now that 's a resolution,

Oh you wanted to take heed about the early stuff, now hang on, I 'm a builder not a bloody pervert !

To be continued